AIBU for making DD12 give up her treat for eating more than her share of a takeaway?

[SongsOfSongs]

My DD12 is a big eater and honestly can be quite greedy. She has often tried to take more than her fair share when sharing food with her sister DD11. This weekend, we ordered takeaway and there was a side for the two of them to share. Typically they will divide the side up to start with so there are no complaints about either of them eating too much of it. However, we were in the middle of watching a movie when the food came. I told DD12 to divide the side up and she said "oh, it's ok, we can share it reasonably" and I said fine since we were in a hurry. Maybe 10 minutes later I look and she has eaten all but 2 pieces of the side (out of 30 maybe?). I ask DD11 if she's had any and she bursts into tears and says no. DD12 says sorry repeatedly and that she didn't mean to do it.

It wasn't something that was easy to rectify at the time, so we said that DD12 would owe DD11 something. DD12 is in secondary school and gets an extra pound or so each week to spend on a treat at lunchtime on Wednesdays. AIBU to tell DD12 that she needs to buy the Wednesday treat and bring it home for her sister tomorrow? If there is a better suggestion, please let me know!

More than likely mindless eating as she has food issues. Not that OP cares, OP set her up to fail, bring her to a therapist, don’t scold her.
I really feel for this child.

Is she over weight too.

When you knew she was a suckker for gluttony why ask her to share a side out? Take the control away from her.

And yes make her buy her sister something with her own money. Frankly I'd stop the extra £1 until she can control her eating.

Out of interest @SongsOfSongs what consequence are you getting for effectively giving your DD11’s side to her sister?

You said you already knew that DD12 has problems around food and self-control and she has a history of eating more than her fair share. You asked DD12, the one with food issues, to split the meal and when she said no she would be reasonable you said okay because it would take less time (I.e. you took the easy option rather than the option you knew was the right one based on history).

Lo and behold, history repeats itself, DD12 eats almost everything and DD11 loses out. You knew this was likely to happen because it’s happened before and that’s exactly why you make them split the food.

I think this one is on you, OP, for lazy parenting, not protecting DD11 and setting DD12 up to fail.

No, but hopefully you'd be punishing for leaving her sister in tears with only 2, while she ate 28 of them when she was told to share?

The punishment isn't for eating 28 edamame, it's for taking something belonging to her sister, and depriving her sister of something she was looking forward to. It's for showing a lack of consideration to her sister.

With my DSDs, we always asked one child to split the shared treat into two (or serve the other), and then the other would choose which one they wanted. Both very competitive and on the spectrum, this was my DH's fantastic idea to stop arguments! That way no one could grab more than the other.

I'm not shaming her for being hungry. She likes to eat, a lot, and is also not very mindful of others' feelings (mostly her sister's). I think this combo makes her greedy, though no, I don't say that to her face!

I think this is on you and your DH OP. You know your elder DD is a big eater (or 'greedy' in your words), and that she has often tried to take more than her fair share when sharing food. You should have paused the movie for a few moments and supervised the sharing out of the food. No good trusting a child with no self restraint to moderate.

Or order a portion each. It’s hardly going to bust the gut.

Oh ffs. Google Almond mom

Oh
I assumed chicken nuggets or something! You should have got them a pot each TBH. Edamame pods are delicious and healthy and hard to stop eating. They should have been divided to each plate but if DD11 wasn't eating them and DD12 was eating them I can see how they went down very quickly. Of course she should have stopped herself before eating the whole lot but it's not quite the same as eating all the sweets or something.

I'm intrigued as to what side has about 30 pieces in it? They must be pretty small. So it can't be prawn balls or something..

I can GUARANTEE you - she knows EXACTLY your thoughts on her being “born hungry” @SongsOfSongs Poor girl.

God 12 year olds being called greedy and selfish cos they ate the majority of the edamame pods.

First she did the second child a favour cos they are rank.

Second tell your DD2 to get a back bone crying like a wet wipe cos the big mean sisters ate the pods.

Third she is 12, you say she has a big appetite. She is going through body changes, almost a teenager, which increases the appetite, be parents and adjust her meals to reflect that.

Fourth, dont use food or treats as punishment. It will disorder her feelings on food. Though I get the impression that the family of teeny tinies nibbling at their celery sticks have probably given the over eating monster a complex already.

28 beans 😂
Well, I guess her "punishment" will be next morning farts 🤣

We do Friday night movie nights 2x per month. This isn't an every day occurence.

Again with the excuses.

The fact was they didn't order a portion each and they were told to share, but one child was greedy and selfish and left her sister in tears.

Looking at some of the excuses on this thread, I'm beginning to understand why there are so many threads about greedy husbands, eating all the kids lunch box treats and Easter eggs.

Chomping through a whole bowl of edamame beans does not indicate an eating disorder FFS

are you even listening to how batshit you are @SongsOfSongs ??

Yeah edamame pods are enough punishment 😁

She's still pretty young, I know adults who aren't good with sharing plates. Especially when there are distractions.

Just divide the food onto 2 plates next time, would have taken you 30 seconds.

Please don't shame her for eating.

Oh come on, it's not unreasonable to expect children to gain skills as they get older, and to give them an opportunity to practice those skills. Especially when a secondary-age child has just said "I have this skill now, I am ready to put it into practice". She's not a toddler.

If I'm plating up their dinners, I always give DD12 more food. However, this was a takeaway where they chose their meals and which they've had multiple times before. I was not withholding food from her and there was plenty more food in the house if she was still hungry.

It doesn’t. But your mother being obsessed with your eating and punishing your over endamame will give her one.

DD12 behaviour was not ideal but all this talk of punishments and DD11 crying seems a bit over the top for some beans