AIBU for making DD12 give up her treat for eating more than her share of a takeaway?

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My DD12 is a big eater and honestly can be quite greedy. She has often tried to take more than her fair share when sharing food with her sister DD11. This weekend, we ordered takeaway and there was a side for the two of them to share. Typically they will divide the side up to start with so there are no complaints about either of them eating too much of it. However, we were in the middle of watching a movie when the food came. I told DD12 to divide the side up and she said "oh, it's ok, we can share it reasonably" and I said fine since we were in a hurry. Maybe 10 minutes later I look and she has eaten all but 2 pieces of the side (out of 30 maybe?). I ask DD11 if she's had any and she bursts into tears and says no. DD12 says sorry repeatedly and that she didn't mean to do it.

It wasn't something that was easy to rectify at the time, so we said that DD12 would owe DD11 something. DD12 is in secondary school and gets an extra pound or so each week to spend on a treat at lunchtime on Wednesdays. AIBU to tell DD12 that she needs to buy the Wednesday treat and bring it home for her sister tomorrow? If there is a better suggestion, please let me know!

Agreed! As always, I'm shocked by many of the responses 😅

This is on you OP. You should have divvied it up for them, especially if you know your eldest has food issues.

Also - don't call any of your children greedy. Especially don't call a girl with food issues greedy

edamame

I think you need to nip watching TV/Films whilst eating in the bud completely. No devices up the table at all. This will encourage mindful eating as they won't be distracted eating and watching tele.

Is your DD12 overweight?

Why were you in too much of a hurry to divide a pot of green beans?

Does your TV not have a pause function?

I don't think I've seen a more dysfunctional thread on here tbh.

And all over what sounds like fucking popcorn chicken.

I feel sorry for the 12 yr old, jesus Christ.

They were not eating children's meals. They ate what they normally eat from this restaurant, which typically involves the sharing of the side.

Sounds like you just wanted us to agree with you OP.

But she was greedy though. She didn't accidentally take one or two pieces more than her fair share, she ate 28 out of a 30 piece side knowing she should share it with her sister.

Your DD was 'born ravenous'?

And you are still surprised 12 years later that she has a bigger appetite?
If it really is huge, then have you ever asked for medical advice - thyroid, diabetes etc been checked.
Is she overwieght?
Otherwise, just accept that some people eat more than others.

What is your relationship with food OP?

I think that sounds right in theory, but we don't get weekly takeaways, so I don't know the next time it would be reasonable to implement this. Don't want it to be "remember 6 months ago you ate all the food so today you have to forego your share?"

Agree. What did you order? Without knowing exactly its hard to say OP. Yabu order more food next time.

But as someone with a problematic relationship with food ie not eating enough for years, developing a phobia of eating in front of people at 11, then over eating much of my adult life, it's easy to pin the word greedy on a child.

I was chatting to friends, one of who's daughter has issues with food, another friend said her daughter who's older recently told her that the school has an issue with girls being nasty to others simply for eating and that the daughter used to hide to eat her lunch!!!

We often do this and they are extremely meticulous about it, as can be expected!

Bear in mind they do grow a crazy amount at that age - kid sized to adult sized often happens at 12-13 so I guess that does take an awful lot of extra calories.

Edamame

From now on, one gets to split the dish and the other gets to choose which portion they want.
It always helps the split be equal.

Yes, greed is greed and just because people hate the word, it doesn't mean she wasn't greedy and didn't deliberately take almost all of it, leaving her sister with almost none.

Not only is it greedy but it's selfish too.

Of course the OP shouldn't call the child greedy to her face, as dealing instead with her behaviour is a better way forward.

But denying this was greedy and selfish behaviour isn't going to help anyone.

I'd worry about ED to be honest. Being this greedy to the point that she didn't consider her sister's needs is worrying. I feel your "consequence" is strange, just reinforcing that food is a reward/punishment and getting her sister to have both her snack (I presume) and her sister's doesn't address the greed issue at all. An honest conversation about food is what she needs.

She said sorry and acted remorseful, but she also has a track record to treating her sister badly, so I wouldn't be surprised if she was aware of what she was doing.

Oh it's that old old saying again - you know what a mother's place is ...
IN THE WRONG!

These are teenagers, not toddlers. Learning to share sensibly is a life skill that they need to develop.

I think I would've perhaps bought the sister a treat with the older child's pound the very next day, rather than waiting until Wednesday, and rather than expecting the older girl to buy her sister a treat (if she has problems with self control, there's a good chance the treat won't make it home to her sister). But in principle, I don't see anything wrong with the punishment.

I think it's ridiculous what people are saying about it being wrong to punish a child over food. You're not punishing her for being hungry, you're punishing her for being selfish and taking something that belonged to someone else, and depriving her sister of something nice. If she was still hungry after eating her share of the takeaway and side, she could've had an apple, a yoghurt, a bowl of cereal or a slice of toast. You're allowed to be hungry and you're allowed to eat until you're not hungry anymore. But you're not allowed to take someone else's treat when you've already had yours. I can't believe some people are arguing with that.

This is a lesson though, that you must always split things up for them from now on, and that's OK. Even now, I always divide sharers onto separate plates for me and my husband, because he's a slower eater than me and very much a gentleman, which just means I'd end up scoffing 3 quarters of it if we didn't each have our own plate.

I wouldn’t be punishing for eating 28 Edamame.

The OP has already said it was edamame pods.

The film was just the reason I didn't insist on pre-splitting as we typically do. DD12 said they could handle it and I thought it had been a while since we'd tried so maybe she had matured and would be more mindful. I learned my lesson!