AIBU for making DD12 give up her treat for eating more than her share of a takeaway?

[SongsOfSongs]

My DD12 is a big eater and honestly can be quite greedy. She has often tried to take more than her fair share when sharing food with her sister DD11. This weekend, we ordered takeaway and there was a side for the two of them to share. Typically they will divide the side up to start with so there are no complaints about either of them eating too much of it. However, we were in the middle of watching a movie when the food came. I told DD12 to divide the side up and she said "oh, it's ok, we can share it reasonably" and I said fine since we were in a hurry. Maybe 10 minutes later I look and she has eaten all but 2 pieces of the side (out of 30 maybe?). I ask DD11 if she's had any and she bursts into tears and says no. DD12 says sorry repeatedly and that she didn't mean to do it.

It wasn't something that was easy to rectify at the time, so we said that DD12 would owe DD11 something. DD12 is in secondary school and gets an extra pound or so each week to spend on a treat at lunchtime on Wednesdays. AIBU to tell DD12 that she needs to buy the Wednesday treat and bring it home for her sister tomorrow? If there is a better suggestion, please let me know!

Well I'm glad all the 11 and 12 year olds you know are completely sensible and level-headed, but I've personally not known one myself!

Also - OP probably wouldn't have worded her post in the way she did if this was the first and only time this had happened.

That’s not what this is though. A shared meal over a table / picnic blanket is a more mindful social occasion than scoffing takeaway in front of the television.

My older kids are in their 20s now. We’ve frequently eaten tapas style at the table and sharing isn’t an issue. They used to have their Xbox in the dining room and would mindlessly demolish the fruit bowl while playing, I doubt either had a clue what the other was eating and if the younger had cried because the older had eaten all the grapes, for example, I wouldn’t have been so draconian as to set a punishment for a few days time. But them I like and love them equally.

I think that approach has the potential to create a worse scenario.

In your suggestion, the dominant personality has the opportunity to just steamroller over their sibling (and it would happen- the scoffing of all the treat food was essentially a more dominant personality using that to their own advantage in the first place). The other sibling could end up feeling very resentful or downtrodden.

There needs to be some sort of resolution that allows both siblings to feel it’s a fair outcome, the sister who missed out should feel supported and the sister who took advantage able to admit wrongdoing and make appropriate amends, and the parents are right to step in and lead that process.

Having children ‘owe’ each other food is weird.

She has apologised. That is the end of it.

In future, one divides, the other chooses her portion.

Also in future - consider purchasing more food. Your eldest seems to be hungry. A side each next time.

Honestly, OP, if your 11 yo is overweight as you said then she probably just needs to be left to regulate her own intake and not ‘reminded’ to eat. Her being ‘sporty’ by her own reckoning (you said she says she’s always running) when she isn’t doing this outside of school suggests she probably isn’t and if left to her own devices would eat to her own devices. Your 12 yo being slim and hungry means you do need to order extra food for her.

One splits and the other chooses in future.

Never see a fairer split than when you do that!

Agreed, doing 1 hr of sport outside of school a week is not remotely sporty... That's like the bare minimum activity of what she should be doing daily...

Well I did say IF you are concerned.

But takeaways twice a month is still a lot IMO. I was actually only saying IF you are concerned though because you seemed to jump right in with the punishment and never really considered if she was hungry, which is surely, surely the first logical step in this scenario?