AIBU to refuse another costly trip to visit my sister abroad?

[FlyingVisits]

I live in Scotland, with DH and DS.

We last went to see my sister who lives in Asia in Summer 2024. Total cost for flights was £3500.

We are average in terms of salary so it was a big deal for us. I also don’t particularly like flying and would typically holiday in UK.

They came back to UK in Summer 2025 but aren’t planning to come this year. She has DH and 2 kids.

My sister is putting pressure on us to go there again. She’s floated Christmas this year and is putting pressure on. We couldn’t do it without putting flights on a credit card. AIBU to say no?

If you have a family member that has emigrated far away,, how often do you visit?

Agree, long haul was torture.

Meeting in the middle would apparently mean meeting in Kazakhstan (according to google).

a good friend of mine has actually fallen in love with the country and she would definitely recommend a visit / holiday. But it probably isn’t most people’s dream holiday destination 😅

I'm going to guess if it's Thailand then it's probably Bangkok ... no wonder they're well-paid! It is in my top three places I never want to visit again. The other two are Hong Kong and Guangzhou.

So they took the cash presumably as they thought they had more important /urgent needs to spend the money on rather than flights. Their employer gives them that money to come home but they want to spend it on something else! Probably a nice holiday to somewhere other than rainy Blighty

Then expect you to fund it instead

I think its an easy no. List all the thing you have to buy with the money your employer DOESN'T give you to visit family.

Well then you can get flights, year round, for a lot less than you are saying!

Honestly please look because I double checked earlier, doubting myself and I still can’t see any in school holidays for less than 1k pp. At Christmas they are 1.6k pp (stopping somewhere, economy)

Next time she puts pressure on you ask her if she's offering to pay for your flights.

It's beyond cheeky pressuring someone to do some thing that costs so much money.

Don't doubt yourself.

PP are probably looking at flights with a 27 hour stopover in Amsterdam or Istanbul.

A decent flight with a short stopover costs what you're seeing.

I always think people who move far away and then expect everyone to use annual leave and £ to visit them are quite naive.
If you’re not careful all your spare cash and time will be spent on these visiting breaks.
sometimes you just have to be firm from the start otherwise you will get yourself into a routine of spending every year or other year visiting family and not having quality time with your nuclear family.

When we go long haul I ring the flight companies and ask if they have any deals coming up. They normally tell me so I book the flights at the right time. Normally get them half to two thirds of normal price.

My dsis only lives in a European country and there is no expectation that we will ‘take it in turns’. She comes here to see us, our mum and my dbro. She decided to live in another country so she does the leg work! I’ve been twice in the last 5 or 6 years to see her

Meet in Istanbul. Fab place to see and explore. Direct flights from Bangkok and I'm sure you'd get flights there from some airport in UK. Suggest it anyway and see what they say. If they agree, be ready to go next year!

My mum moved from Canada to England, growing up we went to visit my grandmother every 3-4 years. It was rare for Mum's family to visit us.

I've been in Australia for 20 years and have been visited by family once. To be fair, they don't visit each other in the UK either, so I don't take it personally. They all do lots of holidays in the UK and abroad.
All other visitors have been on holidays and stayed with me for a while.

I do the legwork and both friends and family seem happy to see me. And put me up. I have repeated until I'm blue in the face how happy I would be to see them, put them up, etc. Apparently it's too hot here. Unlike the places they visit.

OP, don't give in to your sister's pressure. Just tell her the truth about the money, your dislike of flying, though you plainly do fly, so not so easy.

An observation. In twenty years I've never heard an Aussie complain about long haul flights.

If any of my family moved abroad and were putting pressure on me to visit I'd just remind them who it was that moved away and leave it at that.

Yeah no. I live in the US, on the opposite coast from my family. About a 5 hr flight away. My siblings have been out to see me precisely once in 20 years- when we were all going on a family trip from here. One has been twice, also for a family vacation-we all leave from here to go. I moved, I visit. I certainly don’t expect them to come to me. And even then, not every other year. It’s one of the trade-offs of moving so far away- you don’t see family as often.

YANBU to say “no” but if you WANT to see your sister, could you meet halfway/ split the cost for one of you to travel?

this is the nub of it- not wanting to go again. Most relatives apart from your mum and dad don’t want to use their holiday money and holiday allowance. I know this as an expat myself in Europe. They visit once and that’s that. There is also often a misconception that the expat is rolling in money and spends their time drinking G&T‘s so they can afford to make the trips. Be honest with each other and if you still have your parents you’ll need your sister‘s help. It must have been very hard for your sister to make such a move- house, children’s education, taxes, healthcare, no family support, finding new friendships, new language, new culture, working out shopping places, new laws to follow. Go and support her the following year instead.

@Abricot1983 Yes, it's hard, but we made the choice to move, didn't we, so we really can't expect other people to alot of money to visit us regularly. Especially when they can't afford it, as @FlyingVisits makes clear.

No one's visited me for years; I use my time and money to go to the UK instead. It's often just me as we can't afford four tickets so regularly. That's the life choice we made.

Also, if you did have that much to spend on travel, why would you choose to go to a destination that your sister chose to live?
we have lots of family abroad and a lot of the time we pick a holiday destination to meet up.

My only sister and her family live in New Zealand. I last saw her, her husband and their son in NZ in January 2000. And I last saw her daughter in London in 2011. I think it's safe to say that we are not a close family. 😉

Great idea. Meet half way somewhere cheaper