AIBU to refuse another costly trip to visit my sister abroad?

[FlyingVisits]

I live in Scotland, with DH and DS.

We last went to see my sister who lives in Asia in Summer 2024. Total cost for flights was £3500.

We are average in terms of salary so it was a big deal for us. I also don’t particularly like flying and would typically holiday in UK.

They came back to UK in Summer 2025 but aren’t planning to come this year. She has DH and 2 kids.

My sister is putting pressure on us to go there again. She’s floated Christmas this year and is putting pressure on. We couldn’t do it without putting flights on a credit card. AIBU to say no?

If you have a family member that has emigrated far away,, how often do you visit?

Oh, I see

I was also going to ask why she doesn't come and visit you

They're being very unreasonable not everybody is prepared to travel long haul
As well is being expensive, it's a huge hassle and so what if somebody thinks you're unadventurous? Lots of people don't want to go abroad and there are lots of places I wouldn't want to go

is she likely to stay there? I would be honest and say that you don't want to go as well as the expense. Say that of course you want to see her, but having to go all the way there and have all the associated hassle - that's different.

It’s unrealistic to make the choice to move that far away then bleat on about people not coming to visit. People know what they’re doing when they decide to move away from family and friends.

In my house, my siblings don’t get a vote on

• how I use my annual leave days off work
• where I spend my holiday budget
• whether or not I go into credit card debt

My best friend lives in Australia and has done for the past 20 years. I've been to visit her once, her sister has visited twice, her Mum has been three times and her Dad has been once. It's really expensive, and as much as we would all like to visit more and spend time where she lives none of can actually afford it. She is much more wealthy and can afford to travel home regularly, so we see her when she comes back every 12-18 months.

Putting it on credit card means you can’t afford it. Definitely say no.

YNBU OP. I refuse to spend a week in Cornwall with my in laws every year because it's 25% of my annual leave, will cost me £2000 and frankly I won't have as nice a time as I would going away with my own friends and family.

Tbh it sounds other than the money, you also not fancy going! Why you don’t suggest meeting somewhere in between? It will be cheaper for you and you will explore something new. It sounds a bit sad that you only want to go on holidays in the UK. Even if you don’t like flying, it might be good for your DS. I moved away from my own country 15 years ago and we might friends (let alone family) we make an effort to meet annually somewhere.

I live an hour and a half up the road from my family. I visit on a very regular basis, several times a month, siblings have visited me never and twice in 15 years.

You moved away...it's so far...

I don't mind, it's fine. There is not a chance a hell I'd get into debt for a holiday.

Yes, it's normal for teachers in international schools to have flights home or cash equivalent as part of their remuneration package, and that's precisely because the onus is on the people who moved away to come back and visit. The international schools in the UAE pretty much all went to remote teaching when the war broke out in Iran and I know a lot of British teachers who took the opportunity to come back to the UK to work from here for a while if they had family to stay with.

YANBU OP.

Just say no you won’t be going, your not bound by law to visit, if you don’t want to/can’t afford it etc just say so.

I visit my close relative in Asia every 6 years. They visit me in between, so we see each other 3 years.

They have tried to get me to visit more but I just can't make the time/money, even though I love visitng.

Please don't use your credits cards to spend thousands on something you don't want to do.

If you can't afford it, say no. If you want to go, save for a few years and then do it. If she's so desperate to see you all she can come over. She's the one who moved countries

Msg deleted -- irrelevant (sorry)

My DGP went between every 2- 5 - other side of world - they were well off though that was a few decades ago.

My Dad never went to see sibling - never took us - they came back on once a decade - so met them twice in childhood -- cousins came over for couple of years post degrees worked for a bit then went back. Dad stayed close to his brother through letters phone calls and then e-mail. There wasn't the money for visits and when there was Dmum wasn't keen to go.

My family is spread all over the place. Maybe meeting about once every 5 years is normal for us? That is when we going back to where we came from. I think that apart from my Mum, the others have been to visit me once (been here over 20 years). Then they have seen where I live, and that is that. Sometimes we meet on holiday elsewhere in the world. Certainly, there is no expectation that anyone would spend their holidays and money going to visit anyone every 1-2 years.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. I have family that moved to Asia and I also get the guilt trips to visit. I could just about afford it if I saved all year but it’s not somewhere I have ever wanted to go and the climate wouldn’t suit me. I’d rather save and travel where I want to go.

My family get quite cross that I won’t go but I leave them to it. We still connect in other ways so we see each other. They are also welcome to come visit me if they wish but it was their decision to move and this is a consequence.

My sister moved to NZ in 1976, I’ve been twice. Will visit once more with DH as he’s never been but that will be it. Plenty to see in Europe and I hate flying.

It’s totally fine to say no. I have lots of family members who live abroad (US/Australia/NZ). Been to US to visit twice in 15 years (to visit a parent) and never any of the others.

I have also moved from my home country. I would never expect anyone to visit me. It’s nice sometimes if they do (but please not that often because I don’t like houseguests 😂), but it’s me who moved so no one else’s responsibility. I don’t personally return to my home country either really, but for the same reasons. It’s expensive and I really don’t want to.

Just say no. This is is such a non-event.

I wish I could be as sure of myself as all the people just saying “no” so definitively! I think tend to people please but am also susceptible to extreme reactions to things. Her pressure really really pissed me off so I needed to take a beat to decide how to respond. Otherwise I’d say something stupid!!

Thank you for all the help, though, really.

And to the poster who said it’s sad we stay in UK, my son has been to Spain, Greece and Asia and he’s only wee! At his age I’d only been to British seaside so I think he’ll be okay only going overseas every third year or so!

I lived abroad for several years in my early 20s and if I wanted to see my family, I came home. My parents would usually come for a week or two in the summer and make use of the pool- but we're talking around £500 in flights, not £3500. We also have relatives in the US and in NZ and we've visited them each once.

If they are in Asia because of better salaries and cost of living and they want you to come, they could offer to pay for your flights.

I echo what posters have suggested about meeting in the middle or somewhere else for a family hol so you get to see each other but also get to go somewhere you're interested in going, plus flights might be cheaper. Only if you can afford it though!

If you did want to go abroad somewhere else, as you have already been there so have seen what you want to see, could you tell them next time you are going away that you're going to x location if they would like to holiday with you for part/all of your vacation. That way you see them, you go somewhere you want to and you can dictate the length of the flight.

Tbf this could work in the UK too rather then meeting up at your home.

I'm with you I would not want to keep going back to the same place with limited funds and annual leave unless it was somewhere I really wanted to go every time.

My partner moved a 4h drive from is brother in nearly 20 years ago for uni and whilst we have moved around we have always been about a 4h drive. His brother has visited him once 15 years ago! We see him if we go to visit his parents before we had children we would go to visit them every 2-4 months but now it can be once a year. We nearly always do Easter at his parents and we were alternating Christmas for a while.

We were 2h away from my sister's for 11 years and they visited once a year of less. I visited them about once a month.

I'm much closer to my siblings than partner is.I can't see my bil ever visiting us. We are now only half an hour from my sister's but still see them every few months. Life gets busy even without a long haul flight to consider!

If you can't really afford it and don't want to go there again then don't do it. I'm sure that your family would enjoy a less expensive holiday somewhere else.

When we had family in the States they visited every year and we went once in 10 years. I would have liked to go more often but that would still have been every 4-5 years or so.

Something else you could think about though is meeting up in a third location of interest to both parties. That still requires ££ though.