Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

if it is a girl then I wouldn’t want her seeing men stood at a urinal (and likewise I am sure most men wouldn’t want to be stood with their pants down when a young girl walks in) whereas the women’s toilets are all cubicals and so everyone can have their privacy in there.

Sounds like a situation that was not ideal for anyone involved.

OP didn’t want a man in the ladies’ loos.
I imagine his wife could quite possibly have found it harder than being in the disabled toilet with more room and him more able to help.
I doubt he wanted to be there, he probably knew (unless he’s very unaware) that he’d get, at best, funny looks.

Nope totally not allowed and that is why there is a disabled toilet.

Wait??
Womens loos are for women only.

Well you could just turn around and wait until they'd finished.

Its fucking outrageous that you think a disabled woman should be denied access to women's toilets to save you feeling a bit uncomfortable for no sensible reason whatsoever.

I thought we were supposed to have evolved beyond those with disabilities being treated like an underclass.

Invade?? I must have missed the part of the OP’s post where the man was bearing the flag of his liege lord and claiming the land around the sinks for King and Country.

@someoneelsesshoes whilst not ideal to come across a man unexpectedly in the ladies’ loos, I’m also sure it’s far from ideal have limited mobility and be reliant on your spouse to assist you with basic, intimate tasks, particularly when out in public.

how was it a medical emergency?

I am disabled.

I used the accessible toilets. If I needed DH to help (which has happened) and the accessible toilet was unavailable, I'd expect him to do a reccy of the men's and take me to a cubicle there.

Men are excluded from women's toilets for the safety, privacy and dignity of women.

If I need a man's help to use a toilet and there's no accessible option, there's no way I'm sacrificing the security and comfort of other women by bringing my bloke in the women's loos.

I can respect other women as well as managing my disability.

How does a man being stood next to the sinks impact the safety, privacy or dignity of women?

And if the disabled toilet is engaged or out of order, then the disabled woman has to shit her pants presumably? I mean, I'm GC but this is an entirely different situation.

And views like are displayed on this thread contribute to many people struggling to leave the house. Rather than people realising they are trying to make the best of a shit situation they jump to judge.

Read the OP

It's not ideal but I think v different from a Peggie / Upton situation

A few years back, I encountered an older man trying to help his wife out of a wheelchair into a cubicle in a ladies loo. . There was no disabled one. He was clearly struggling and uncomfortable. My response was to ask if they needed any help, which they gratefully accepted. Never occurred to me that it was anything weird him being there looking after his wife.

Disabled people aren’t a underclass, hence why they have dedicated facilities which are protected by law.

It is pretty bad to suggest a woman leave the toilet that is assigned to her sex if she is uncomfortable about a man being there.

This is one of those situations where neither option is ideal.

But you don’t get to tell someone that they feel uncomfortable for ‘no sensible reason’.

I use the ladies because I have described on here before, I had a huge panic attack in the disabled loo hearing a man outside who was waiting. And I was stuck in the disabled loo as it is floor to ceiling. Have trauma due to a rape.

the man should have waited for the disabled loo to be free if he needed to assist his wife.

I would most likely have had a huge panic attack hearing him in the ladies.

A violent rape so nasty I can’t describe it on here because it’s too upsetting for others to read and gets deleted is no sensible reason.

well. Arent you charming.

In an ideal world we'd all have access to a suitable clean SS toilet in a suitable time frame.

In reality sometimes we just need the least worst option and break a rule to solve a problem.

A bit like male cleaners in female toilets, not perfect but I don't have a a srong objection when there is a clear reason why the man is there / why it's better than the alternatives. OP could have waited until the other woman had finished if she couldn't stand to use the loo while her carer was assisting her.

I am GC too and i think letting any boy or man into a female facility is blurring the lines and allowing men with bad intentions to use a loophole.

TBH I can’t say I’d have felt in the least uncomfortable. Even if the disabled loo wasn’t occupied, maybe there’s just more space for manipulating a wheelchair in the women’s loos.

I think I’d feel weird too. I used a unisex public loo earlier today at a local attraction. It was men and women in the queue. I felt weird about that and I’m not sure why.

Totally unacceptable

I am so sorry this happened to you. And I’m disgusted that someone would dismiss a concern as serious as yours as ‘no good reason’. I’m sure the person will come back to say rape is an exception but i despise how people dismiss people’s lived experience

The disabled loos are designed for wheelchair access. And they have grab bars etc.

Many disabled toilets are awfully unpractical! Even when DS was in a child sized wheelchair it was impossible to manoeuvre in too many.

places tend to do the bare minimum to tick a box rather than applying any thought to practicality!