Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

Oh well then fine because it was a medical emergency. Or do you think it's better a disabled woman soil herself?

And there was an accessible toilet. It’s not ableist to not want men or boys in women’s toilet.

Yeah that’s exactly what I think 🙄🙄

It’s not ideal for anyone but there was an accessible toilet available.

She had two other options that wouldn't impose her husband on other women, the disabled toilets or the mens toilets.

She should not under any circumstances have to use the men's toilet; they're fucking grim.

Men are fucking grim and I object to having them invade female toilets.

Is this what we're up against? 🤦‍♀️I might just as well stay at home for good.

No, he shouldn’t have been in there. They should have used the disabled toilet.

If urgency is an issue then there are incontinence products that could have been used and changed once the disabled toilet was free.

If the accessible toilet was occupied or filthy when they got there, it was the least bad option.

In an ideal world, there would have been more than one accessible toilet, and no one would have had to feel awkward.

The woman's need to use the toilet in time trumped anyone's minor awkwardness.

I don't want a man in the women's toilets. But I would absolutely suck that up to preserve another woman's dignity. She's using a zimmer frame. Life is hard enough without me putting my slight discomfort over her not having an embarrassing accident in public.

It's really not about the man. It's about another woman's dignity.

I'd have been incredibly unhappy if my husband had taken my daughter in to the men's room. Men stood there weeing where she can see, not nice. Possibly okay for a toddler but any older and I'd expect him to take her to the ladies as women are not pissing in full view of others.
This man was waiting to help his wife, should he also have taken her in the men's? No, so why is it okay for a child to see it.
Obviously disabled loo is best but if it was in use there wasn't much other option m

No what is fucking grim is people who judge someone trying to help their disabled spouse.

You spelled ‘rational people’ wrong

It wouldn't bother me. He was standing by the sink not looking over the top of the cubicle. I'm not worried about a man seeing me wash my hands.

He can help her in the disabled toilets or the mens in a cubicle, why does this one womans dignity trump every other woman that needed to use the toilets?

Many places only provide a single disabled cubicle, so I'd assume it was occupied.

I'd probably mostly be confused, and think I'd walked into the men's. I was confused recently by walking into the loos at a gallery, to find a man walking out of the cubicle. I actually walked out, which was the point I realised they were unisex loos, not that I'd walked into the wrong one. They were all fully enclosed cubicles with their own basins, so it was fine, just confusing, because I am mostly used to a block of loos being single sex.

Had he been waiting in those loos, I'd have probably asked if he was queueing, and then I might have suggested he wait outside the main door to make more space, but other toilets are more spacious.

I definitely don't expect there to be men in the loos.

I hope none of you ever become disabled and need others to show you some basic humanity. Go pee in the men's or piss yourself.

Bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But you're fine with a disabled woman having the indignity of having to go into the men's toilet?

Wouldn’t have bothered me.

When I went to New York with my late husband in 2007 a lot of places had the disabled cubicle in the men's or ladies toilets so I had no choice but to go in with him. It's just one of those things!

Did you actually read the OP?

I am disabled, I use the appropriate toilets, I try to not inconvinence other people because of my own medical needs.

Men do not belong in womens toilets.

So you do understand it when it's the other way around.

That’s totally unreasonable. My dh took my dd to the men’s. A man should not take his daughter to the ladies loos. As a male, he can protect his dd against other males. A man going into the ladies loos legitimises males going to the toilet for more nefarious reasons. I would be incredibly unhappy to see your dh in the loos with his dd. I’d be much less unhappy at seeing this male carer as the woman in question may refuse to use the men’s.

I have never even thought about it.
I would probably have a shock seeing a guy in the ladies toilets, but then when it clicked he was helping his wife, I would understand why. We are not accustomed to this, so that’s why you are feeling strange about it.