Aibu to feel jealous of my neighbour

[dgs21]

We’re both single parents, she has 2 children aged 12 and 2. I have an 8yo and one on the way.

We’ve both lived in our houses for the same amount of time around 8 years so I know her quite well. I work 4 days a week until 8pm plus over time, I do a course alongside my job as I work in pharmacy and have to complete a 3 year course so I can be a qualified dispenser and hoping to go to uni next year. I’m working really hard and don’t seem to have any time or money to keep my house, garden and even myself in check as I’m always working and paying bills/food/driving lessons/daughter etc. I earn around £900 a month plus £200 UC. My 8yo is being assessed for autism and ADHD but I feel like I shouldn’t apply for PIP until she’s officially diagnosed as she’s not too high on the spectrum.

my next door neighbour hasn’t worked a day since I’ve known her, she told me a few years ago it’s because she “coughs too much”, she is constantly smoking weed. She receives over £1,000 a month for he 12yo because he is mildly autistic but undiagnosed atm and told me she actually exaggerated his symptoms to get more money, plus the other benefits she gets. She gets around £2,000 a month in total. Since she has started receiving the PIP for her son, she has covered herself in tattoos, her front and back garden has transformed and is full of flowers which she has said she spent £300 at home bargains last week, she gambles on gambling apps and has spent over £100 in one day, and just in general spends allot of money on herself and her house and has all day everyday to do this.

(forgot to mention I receive housing benefit too based on my income each month)

ABIU to be feeling jealous, we’ve got along quite well the past few years but am now starting to resent her, I’m even thinking of moving house so I don’t have to see her everyday

The free £200ish a month I get goes towards either my bills (not my whole bills obviously) or my child, or I put it to the side for if I have no money for food, not a penny is spent on myself everything else I use my earnings to pay for is that okay? Or am I in the wrong for that as well

You’re right I should spend more of my time smoking and sitting in a tattoo shop shouldn’t I, instead of doing course work and working😂

Wow! OP no idea why everyone’s gone batshit on here about YOU!!

from what I’ve read of your posts I don’t think you’re jealous of her life. You’re jealous that she can have some nice things.

But you’re doing really well. Must be hard to study, work, look after a child (autistic one too) and be pregnant!!

You are bettering yourself and your kids will see that and grown up to respect work and you. Her kids will prob learn how to scam and also sit on their bums!

i can understand wanting to move. Once you get the ick, that’s it. For now just create some distance and concentrate on you.

Nearly 200 comments of people agreeing that it’s okay to spend a child’s disability money on yourself and working part time and doing course work to better myself is the crime this truly is a weird place

Not one single person commented that it’s okay to spend a child’s disability payment on themselves. Nor did anyone suggest that you bettering yourself was a crime.

I think everyone is cool with someone trying to better themselves @dgs21 What many people dislike - and get sick of - is benefit bashing threads.

And this is one. You may not have intended it to be, but it is.

Your disdain and loathing for this woman is clear, and you don't sound jealous. You just sound like you despise her.

If you are jealous too, then I have to say - as has been said - 'comparison' is the thief of joy.

i didn’t think anyone could get DLA for a mild undiagnosed condition?
let alone £1k pa?

OP how much in UC do you get as the £200 doesn’t include housing benefit.
I thought it was 1 payment?

and you are pregnant? How much does your partner contribute?

Yes they have?

examples?

If you think she has a better life then do the same as her and stop moaning?

No they’re not cause people have basically said how dare I work part time and claim benefits but no one has said how dare she lie about her child’s symptoms to get more money? Then spend HIS money on herself. Honestly I don’t care what people on here think about me I just think it’s funny how many people have commented calling me a benefit basher when I’m just saying it how it is

Someone said “why am I a tax payer funding you to work part time” all I keep seeing is this working part time bullshit at least I’m actually working WTF

And half of the people have not said she’s kn the wrong? Instead calling me a benefit basher it’s so weird

Receiving £1000 a month for a mildly autistic son doesn't seem very likely- l seem to meet more kids that are on the spectrum with ADHD and/or autism than those who are not these days. No wonder we are all bankrupt if they all get £1000 a month.

Stop talking to your neighbours about their personal finances. She's a gambling addict and drug addict and you're jealous of her?!

Think about that for a minute. I'd rather be free of the terrible chaotic power of addiction and not have chronically disabled children. I don't really see what there is to be jealous of?

One of my next door neighbours is a multi-multi millionaire and the other next door neighbours are council tenants.

Beyond that I know nothing of their monthly spending or income as it's not something neighbours usually share. Not where I'm from anyway.

They're both very nice but I couldn't give a stuff how much money they do or don't have. As long as they're not trying to borrow money off me?!

Well when your child gets her dx, you can claim all that money as well.

You can play it down as much as you like @dgs21 but this is a benefit bashing thread. And a really horrible thread too. Your disdain for this woman is clear. Maybe focus on your own life and mind your own business?

Just a suggestion. It may make you happier.

Peace. ☮

Sorry to say I know at least 5 families and my own sister getting in thw region of £900pm for mildly autistic kids. They just exaggerate on the forms saying they have toilet accidents/can't be outside alone etc. They all also say they can't work because of the child's condition so stop getting hassled by universal credit for job searches etc. It's a joke as the kids in particular I'm talking about achieve well at school, play with friends at thw park without parents/ walk home and to school alone. Parents just lie and also claim carers allowance along side. The government has made it way too easy to take the piss

Clearly, you are angry that people haven't been posting all over the thread bashing and berating her, and this is what is making you angry.

As I said, stay out of other peoples business and mind your own. You will be happier that way.

So no one said it was a crime then, as you claimed?
to be honest you are fortunate to be able to work park time, complete a course (also funded?) and then receive benefits. It’s fortunate that these options are available and allow people to better themselves.

You are smart, honest and going somewhere. Don’t be jealous of a waster.

Im gonna be completely real now, we’re not friends just get along but now I don’t want to. She sits outside drinking and smoking until 5/6 in the morning and doesn’t get up to take her autistic child to school, social are involved, he child’s father what’s nothing to do with her because of how she is, she’s spend a ridiculous amount on tattoos since she’s been getting pip/dla whatever the fuck it is, had none before now is covered neck to toe, smokes weed and drinks every day, brags about how much she’s won on gambling apps, buys new clothes all the time whilst her son is in clothes that don’t fit him, goes on holidays with her friends, all on her kids money and UC. Please someone explain to me how this is okay and I’m the bad person for feeling envious?

So you weren’t being real before…?
so report her then and raise your concerns with social services if you believe the child is being neglected.

I replied in support @dgs21but you’re continuing to respond to the haters.

you won’t get anywhere on MN if you mention benefits unfortunately. It’s a protected characteristic on here.

but for what it’s worth the gov does need to find a way to tighten up the rules around some benefits as there is too much fraud.

you can report her - same as you can report anyone for benefit fraud.