AIBU to feel hurt about my daughter’s wedding plans changing

[Mimimummygranny]

My daughter had arranged her wedding for later this year, then cancelled, telling me by text. Now it’s a small wedding with only two witnesses and at 11 days notice I’m invited to a late lunch hosted by her partner’s mother.
I’m hurt and can’t believe she expects me to drop my work and other commitments (missing a medical appointment) at such short notice.
I don’t want to be unreasonable …..

Indeed - my point was that the bride and groom decided a big wedding was not for them (possibly because of interference and/or expense) and wanted to elope with just 2 witnesses. I'm postulating the groom's parents got wind of it and asked for the compromise lunch afterwards.

Curious why the change to a tiny wedding. I'd love to hear from the couple.

I'd walk over hot coals to spend time with my kids.

Unless you have an operation on that date surely any other appointment can be rescheduled?

Another bitchplop and vanish op

Under the circumstances, I’d be more likely to wonder if everyone was ok, not about the inconvenience to me. A couple I know rearranged their wedding to take place a full 6 months earlier because the bride’s father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. It all happened really quickly and bringing it forward was the only way he was going to be able to see his only daughter get married.

I hope you’ve checked in with your daughter about the change in circumstances rather than just bitch about it.

If such an important medical app then surely wouldn’t be at work anyway @Mimimummygranny

but I would have thought any lovely supportive parent would drop everything for their child’s wedding

@Blondeshavemorefun my friend has terminal cancer but is still working (and having important medical appointments)

Could argue a supportive daughter would have checked with DM revised arrangements fitted in with her

Sorry to hear about your friend. That rough. Yes they may work but if an important one surely would take time off that day ?

but guess we won’t ever find out as seems op isn’t coming back

and yes very weird the dd didn’t check mum was free that date

What are you moaning about? She doesn't want a wedding, she clearly just wants to get married quietly, she's invited you to lunch so FFS just go and stop bitching about it. At least she likes you enough to tell you and invite you.

So are they getting married at this lunch? I’m a little confused as to the reason for being invited to lunch by the inlaws but then the wedding being rebooked

Tis is your daughter and her partners wedding, so its their choice how to do it. Everyone else's opinions and feelings are irrelevant.
As for the number of votes for YANBU - I fear for potential future SIL's

I’m not sure if read it as they are having a small wedding and lunch is an extra

or lunch is after the wedding with 2 witness

I think it is really inconsiderate and unreasonable to suddenly spring this on you. Obviously you should go but it all seems rather strange.

Something happened.
You don't just cancel your wedding and notify your own mum by text; rearrange it to a courthouse JOTP with a lunch afterward, organized by MiL thereby excluding mum from any planning and give mum less than two weeks notice to attend.
OP has been left out completely:
no details why planned wedding cancelled;
no discussion or inclusion of planning new wedding;
given a simple invite to ceremony and lunch.

Is this how OP's family works?
I think there's a whole lot of back story.
Honestly, normal people communicate.

DD: mum, Dfiance and i decided we can't afford the wedding as planned. I'm a bit gutted, but we're going to the courthouse instead. MiL has offered to host lunch after at her house. It's just going to be us and a couple friends.
OP: how can I help?
blah blah blah
The two mums chat and jointly host a lovely lunch.
Everyone lives happily ever after.
It's not difficult.

Yes, I’d be upset too at the lack of my invite and the fact that partner’s mother is hosting something later.
However, you will want a good relationship with your daughter and future SIL so my advice is suck it up, smile and don’t let anyone know it bothers you - especially your daughter.

I’d be delighted if one of my children chose such a low key wedding.

@Advocodo but would you be concerned if they had suddenly changed their plans and not given any previous indication that they were doing this?

I imagine someone in the partner’s family has just got bad news.

Woman I used to work with did this
said the key thing was they wanted to be married and it had all snowballed into a massive event costing a fortune that she wasn’t bothered about but just doing it to please others
the catalyst was a family argument about invites

its okay to be upset and sad. But whatever you do don’t kick up a fuss! It’s likely she is pregnant or something and will announce it after the wedding! You don’t want to cause trouble and that affect your grandparenting involvement etc

Why are people still replying to this thread! OP posted this morning and hasn’t been back!

I think the issue is communication. Surely you’d call or speak face to face to important people in your lives about this. You’d expect questions.

She must have a VERY good reason for changing all her plans and rescheduling at such short notice. Presumably you know why she's done this and be able to sympathise and hopefully reschedule your medical appointment.

It’s her wedding and if for whatever reason that is what she wants then I would do my absolute best to accommodate her and with good grace.

And.....? 🙄

Definitely