AIBU to feel hurt about my daughter’s wedding plans changing

[Mimimummygranny]

My daughter had arranged her wedding for later this year, then cancelled, telling me by text. Now it’s a small wedding with only two witnesses and at 11 days notice I’m invited to a late lunch hosted by her partner’s mother.
I’m hurt and can’t believe she expects me to drop my work and other commitments (missing a medical appointment) at such short notice.
I don’t want to be unreasonable …..

Seems very odd. So maybe preg or poorly (hopefully not) why the rush ?

are you not a witness so not invited to wedding and just the lunch after ?

and guess the grooms mum knowing /hosting must hurt as well

would you say you have a good relationship usually ?

they will save thousands - it’s the feeding that usually costs

I would be more worried about why the plans have changed and worried about my dd. I would drop everything to be there.
Unless it was a medical appointment I'd waited a year for and would be put back to the bottom of the list. Maybe I would speak to her about that one.

If you don’t want to drop your commitments, then don’t. It’s your choice. Personally I’d drop the commitments happily.

Definitely go. You will never have the same relationship again if you don't.
You're invited which is the main thing.

In my experience changes like this are often a response to excessive family involvement. Or maybe the big wedding idea has simply become all too much, and the bride and groom quite reasonably want to strip it back so the day becomes what it should be - a celebration of them.

Must be

I would have checked with people close to me to arrange a wedding change first, sure not 100 people but parents and siblings yes

I am all for people having what wedding they want but who is to say it wont change again on another whim

Why be hurt? It's your dd's wedding. Perhaps she was getting stressed with the whole ostentatious business or by the financial aspect, and her future MIL has kindly offered to throw a lunch after a registry office wedding.
Accept, and then ask why the change? Ask about the dress code. Show an interest.

She isn't expecting you to drop anything, she's invited you to lunch.

I wouldn't be hurt by this, some people make a big deal out of the actual wedding, and others treat it as simply signing a legal document. Your dd is going down the latter route.

In this situation I would rearrange things, and then I would call and have a chat, just to make sure all is OK.

Sounds like you’re not close.

which bit are you hurt about?

sounds like a nice small wedding. Maybe they can’t afford the larger one or fed up of admin and people butting in.

If you don’t want to cancel work and appointment then don’t. You don’t have to go.

but most things can be moved. Is it major surgery?

We need more info OP - why has she changed it and what it your relationship like with her normally?

Surely you need to phone her to find out what's going on. Otherwise you won't know if you need to feel hurt, annoyed or happy for her. It all depends her reasons.

What do
you think she should have done differently?

Given you more notice? Maybe that wasn’t possible.

Let you host rather than the grooms mother? How close are you?

Stuck to the original
plans? It sounds like they are having the wedding that they want, which is the main thing surely!

what do You want to do now? Are you thinking of not going because of the short notice? I’d be shocked if any of my friends mothers didn’t turn up to their wedding for that sort of reason.

This

Some much needed context incoming I hope!

this is your daughter?
pick up the phone
why ask strangers?

Wow! Our society has become so selfish that hardly anyone cares what the medical appointment is for. Unless it’s major surgery, a couple of posters say, drop everything to be at that wedding.

There are very few reasons why weddings NEED to be held at very short notice and no, pregnancy isn’t one of them. A decent person would find out whether their proposed wedding date works for their closest family and friends. So it is possible that OP’s daughter doesn’t care whether she attends or not. Perhaps their relationship is strained.

What bothers me about this thread is the normalisation of a selfish attitude where weddings are concerned. The most important thing is to be at that wedding that doesn’t have to be on that date. If you need to jeopardise your health to be there, that’s what you need to do. This is how you prove you love your daughter.

Are people of child-bearing age required to do the same for their parents, or do the sacrifices go one way?

It sounds like op isn’t invited to the wedding if only 2 witness - that I would find hard /hurtful

obv a parent wants to see their child get Married

if the grooms mum isn’t one of the two witness’s and just hosting that would be better

No-one can really answer with such little info OP.

Even if you'd stuck around for just one more post it would've been helpful.

You sound incredibly self centred and are being very unreasonable.

Go to the lunch and smile.

rhey could have given you 28 days notice as that’s the minimum time to book a wedding.

but they clearly don’t care much if you attend this lunch, not even the ceremony, as only have given less than 2 weeks notice. One assumes a week day too?

I can’t imagine many people wouldn’t be hurt by that decision.

Who are the two witnesses? Are you sure you’re not hurt because you’re jealous that the partners parents are hosting which may seem that they are more involved in the day than you?
Of course it’s ok to disappointed or upset you don’t get to attend (if you’re not a witness). Every parent would want to see their child’s wedding but equally if you are so hurt surely the appointment and work you would be trying to sort something out with that so you could attend?

I did the cheapest marriage ceremony and lunch afterwards, so much money saved, no regrets! I hope by daughters don't sink money into a giant do but it won't be my business. I would be annoyed at the thought the other mom had been the one to arrange the lunch, I wouldn't be able to help it.

Depends what the medical appointment is, how urgent and how hard it is to change. But in general, I would say prioritise your daughter's wedding.

Must be a reason she's decided to change plans, and if your immediate response is to think to be irritated and like 'oh how inconvenient, I'll have to rearrange work and an appointment' rather than be concerned or curious then I guess it says something about your attitude to your relationship.

It would appear you're not close, so maybe you need to think about why that is and how to rebuild bridges if you want to.