AIBU to feel hurt about my daughter’s wedding plans changing

[Mimimummygranny]

My daughter had arranged her wedding for later this year, then cancelled, telling me by text. Now it’s a small wedding with only two witnesses and at 11 days notice I’m invited to a late lunch hosted by her partner’s mother.
I’m hurt and can’t believe she expects me to drop my work and other commitments (missing a medical appointment) at such short notice.
I don’t want to be unreasonable …..

What fairly stories? What on earth are you on about?

And I am not the one being rude and unkind. Your post aimed at the OP was rude and unkind. 'I would go, no matter what, LIKE A PROPER MOTHER DOES.'

Yeah, THAT is not rude and unkind.

Well, exactly. It would help if the OP came back to the thread and gave us some more information. It may stop assumptions, and rude and unkind posts.

Hi OP,

Please go to the lunch.
Accept the invite with grace and gratitude.
Keep any and all opinions to yourself and vent to someone trusted.
Wear something pretty but not too overboard.
Buy a nice gift and present for your daughter and flowers for the host/MIL.
Tell her how happy you are for her and paste on a grin.

Why?
Because you risk your relationship being LC/NC otherwise and trust me, that will break you more in the long run, than hiding your hurt for one day.

Hugs to you x

Whether I would go or not depends on the reasons why this has happened, and as I said, we don't know because the OP has not come back to the thread since her original/first post.

Wow!
You have absolutely no idea what job the OP has and how difficult it is to get time off work at relatively short notice.
This thread is just horrible.

Agree with you @TheWordWomanIsTaken

I don't see why OP has to attend, if she's unavailable – it's just a lunch, not the wedding itself. It would be perfectly proper to politely decline, and maybe offer to take the family out for a celebratory meal at another time.

I would phone and ask her why, but unless it’s an operation or something that’s hard to reschedule then I would be fine with rescheduling everything to attend.

Where is the OP?????

Also, I imagine at this point, the OP is feeling a bit confused and hurt, and is lashing out with 'why does she assume I can just drop everything at a whim to attend this meal, (including a medical appointment) when I'm not even invited to the wedding?' Wouldn't surprise me if the woman doing the lunch - the groom's mother- is going to the wedding.

I get on with both my DC, but I would feel hurt if they did this. Especially if their partner's mother was in charge of the 'celebration meal' afterwards. I would wonder what I had done wrong to be left out like this. But we don't know what the OP's relationship is like with her daughter...

Yeah, same to be honest. I hope everything is OK OP.

Id call her/ visit her and not start an internet thread for randoms. Also would drop any commitments for her and her wedding

Yes, I think I would do this actually. The OP's daughter is making it clear from her actions that her mother (the OP) is not a priority in her life, so I would act accordingly if I was her, and wouldn't go to this meal. If she asks why, I would say 'take a wild guess!'

Then again, she does really need to speak to her daughter and find out WHY the big wedding has been cancelled and a tiny registry office do is taking its place... If she says 'we just fancy this instead, at least the OP knows...' But the groom's mother taking over the celebration meal and me not being asked if I wanted to take part in doing it would be very hurtful to me TBH.

.

I think I'd generally wait for more information, such as the purpose of the medical appointment, before making such a judgemental response.

You weren’t bothered about telling the poor woman years before this, don’t bother now, you’re not a girls girl here.
focus on your friend.

Your first thought is your own ‘hurt’ and inconvenience?!
Why aren’t you checking everything is alright? Is someone ill? Has there been a financial crisis?
Stop being so self-absorbed and support your DD!

How is it selfish to give your mum minimal notice and expect her to drop everything last minute to suit your timings? Is that actually your question? When we booked our wedding date we considered which dates suited the people we wanted to be there 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wrong thread?

Yes exactly.

As has been said though, the OP does need to contact her daughter to find out why the big wedding was cancelled.

Just phone your daughter and ask kindly what the reasons are for the change of plans. Unless yours is an operation for something that affects you very badly e.g. gallstones etc I would cheerfully change my arrangements to be at the wedding and lunch, assuming from the little info in your original OP that you ARE invited to the ceremony? If not, why not, as that would indeed be hurtful.

Don't you think it's weird that OP is apparently informed of this by text like this?

It doesn't exactly speak to a close relationship between them. It suggests to me that they don't really talk much, otherwise it wouldn't come as such a surprise.

It makes more sense if op and dd are estranged or low contact.

Just tell her you can't make- don't justify , just state.

Most of my communication with both DDs is by text. I'm guessing that's pretty normal nowadays. But the daughter in this case should have given more info as to who was actually invited to the registry office and why the big wedding was cancelled.

It does sound odd but the aibu to feel hurt - no, she can feel hurt. But I agree, there’s likely a history we’re not aware of.

Are you not invited to the wedding? You mention two witnesses why would you mention this if you were invited? Are you only invited to the lunch?