Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

[bagpuss90]

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

But it’s not a workplace from the sound of it, although I may have missed that.

it’s some committee, presumably run by volunteers so its not even close to a professional environment

I don't understand how people get so upset by these things that they're going to walk out, resign, complain, write a post on mum'snet - yet at the time when you could actually do something productive - say absolutely nothing at all.

Blimey - do you get out much?

Why are there so many threads about "reporting" comments? Do you want to live in Korea, Iran etc with thought and morality police? Can we not just be adults and ignore when people are rude or childish and lead by example instead of telling on them like infants? It's exasperating!!!!

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta why would a committee not be run professionally, charity Trustee board, board of school governors etc. They all should have a code of conduct

If there is a code of conduct which prohibits comments like that, then I’m sure someone would pick her up on it. But the fact that they didn’t implies there is no code of conduct.

Anything can be a committee - I used to be a committee member for a sports club and it was rather relaxed and comments like that wouldn’t have been banned

Good grief.

I wouldn't resign because it wouldn't affect the woman at all. Infact, I would just prepare yourself for any more incidents where you can call her out on seemingly calling names like a child to appear funny. And there are some total p*ks on here replying telling you to reign your neck in/now calling you just because you have morals. Just don't make yourself suffer because of it.

It IS vile, in as far as she was then going to ask the person to volunteer/help her in some way. To me that is disgraceful and downright hypocritical. Would she have said to the woman, face to face - “you have a face like an armpit, but I’d like you to help with such and such”? No she wouldn’t. It doesn’t matter how funny it might be, to actually say that out loud, in a committee meeting (which should be having notes taken), is actually quite questionable. It would be interesting to see if when the minutes of that meeting are read out at the next one, whether her words are read out verbatim.

Better stay on and fight another day. Be prepared.

Why pack in a job just because someone said something bad about someone else?

I presume you are familiar with the phrase 'two wrongs don't make a right' because neither the comment highlighted by the OP nor the one you have mentioned having heard are acceptable or necessary! 😡
The comment was definitely not something an intelligent and mature person should be using in the situation described by the OP and for me a quiet word with other committee members would be necessary with a view to replacing this obviously unpleasant person from the position of 'chair'... 🙄

Love this response. Grown up and professional.

Obviously you weren't that bothered when it was said, otherwise you would have acted there & then...So, are you really as bothered as you make out?l don't think so. If feel free if you want to resign...

I think your being very dramatic at a childish comment.
The comment was slightly inappropriate, but not vile.
I think if you're this upset, you probably need take a break off this committee, go ahead and resign..

I prefer ‘face like a dropped pie.’

The chair wasn’t being very nice, but there you are…lots of people aren’t. You can remove yourself from her vicinity if her misguided attempts at humour are giving you the vapours.

Not reacting in the moment is often a strength. It means you’re taking a beat to consider how you feel about something that’s surprised you. And how to react.

Storming out of the room would probably have been overkill.

Now you know you didn’t like the comment, you can mention it if it ever feels appropriate. For example, if she repeats it, you could say “I don’t think you’re going to. Get many volunteers if you talk about them like that”.

Well depends if it’s a hairy smelly armpit or and freshly shaven deodorised armpit. I wouldn’t mind the latter. Don’t be so ridiculous and get a sense of humour it’s not like she said it infront of the person.

I think the typical Mumsnet “Oh gosh, did you mean to say that out loud?!” Would do here!

I mean not very nice but vile? Come on now.

She is being funny and not woke. You are being a bit sensitive..no offence

In my profession, there are values, behaviours and codes of conduct committee members should adhere to. I would email the chair directly and raise the issue directly sharing your concerns in a professional manner. It’s disgusting and no one warrants being spoken about like that.

She is being funny and not woke. You are being a bit sensitive..no offence

If you have any hopes for survival you need to get a grip. No need to be sensitive, and certainly not on the behalf of others
Face like a smacked a... is another one!!!

no, pretty mean and yes she looks like a tw*t for saying it 😄