Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

[bagpuss90]

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

Can you check it was recorded? That will show you view it seriously.

Face like a blind cobbler's thumb

Face like a bulldog chewing a wasp?

face for radio?

crimewatch/baywatch?

It’s rude but hardly vile.

it’s the sort of comment that you either address at the time or move on.

If you’d like to resign anyway, then do. Otherwise, stay, and be ready, if there is another comment like this in a meeting, say what pp suggested about personal comments. Perhaps find out if there are any guidelines on conduct etc.

One rude person can destroy a voluntary group so I do think it’s worth taking seriously but OTOH there’s no need to cut your nose off to spite your face, nor is it your sole responsibility.

I still have no understanding of what this person looks like!

Ha ha. She said something you disapprove of! That’s totally amazing. I never come across anything I don’t approve of, ever. All of life is fluffy and polite. La La La.

I think you should resign, go somewhere properly naice, with doilies and everything.

I would've just said at the time 'there is no place for comments like that here' then moved on.
Too late, move on. Just if anything said again, pick them up on it? If you want to leave fine, but don't leave if you like doing what you're doing, little point.

I think it’s very similar. Like someone I used to know describing someone as having a face like a box of mushrooms 🤣🤣

How did anyone know who she meant you based off that description?

It is a tasteless comment but obviously it carries no veracity?

One of my colleagues once referred to a contractor in conversation as “the one that looks like rhinoceros upside down”. There were at least a dozen working on our floor at the time but in the words of the two Ronnies “we heard what he said but we knew who he meant”.

I can’t picture an armpit face at all.

I wouldn’t be too shocked if it was outside of the person’s hearing, but I’d note the speaker is not a nice person and wonder how she describes the rest of us.

We can’t tell if it’s “vile” or not until you explain what it means, op?

Yeah and me. What does it mean? Never heard this one.

I've gotta ask.....did you know who she meant when she said the woman who looked like an armpit? 🙊

It means someone is unattractive.

i love committe folks. So much drama. Normally a bunch of people either retired or can’t hold down a job, in there lobbing insults at each other and using the fact they are on a “COMMITEE” to bolster low self esteem and boredom.

its like Jackie weaver all over again. 😂

I was just thinking about that @Safarisagoody

I'm sure a good proportion of the alleged experiences on here these days got their inspiration from Little Britain sketches

Is constantly reporting things a British thing? I see it on here a lot (I’m not from the UK). Recent post about a local worker allowing their car to idle- report them to their employer. Someone looked at me funny in work- report to HR. A man walked past my house- report to 101.

If you’re so easily insulted (on behalf of someone else), the best way to tackle the behaviour is on the spot. You could have said something like “that was an inappropriate remark” or “I don’t think it’s very nice to refer to someone who uses our services in a derogatory way”.

You’re not a child, you can use your own words and not go running to the nearest adult.

Yes they are. However sometimes they are justified.

How are people not even able to google or work it out; means someone is unattractive, their face is as appealing as an armpit.

Why are you suggesting older people don’t know not to make personal remarks?
Did you mean to type much younger? Although unless you think they might have been six or seven I’m not sure that works either 🤔

No, it is really not. It is a small number of busy bodies. It is not British culture at all.

It’s a random body part 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm with your DP.

Plus walking out instead of saying "That's not very kind, is it?" would've been a weird reaction.

It isn’t really although in Mumsnet-land it seems to be. It seems to be that people see or hear something that shocks them and then they don’t do anything at the time and come on here to ask if they should report them. This has the double bonus of them being able to avoid confronting someone (and therefore doing something about it) and also getting a pat on the back from other posters.