Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

[bagpuss90]

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

You are both reasonable and unreasonable.

She should not have spoken that way.

But the way to deal with things like this isn't to flounce out of a meeting or quit the committee. The way to deal with it is to call her out!

In terms of shoulda woulda coulda, you should not have walked out. That's just childish behaviour and wouldn't help anyone. You should have said 'please let's not speak about people in such horrible terms' or 'I find it very offensive you'd use language like that'.

It's not too late. In the next meeting either in front of the group or take her to one side and say it's not on to speak about people in this way. Otherwise she'll never change.

It really isn't. Saying fuck is fine and so is calling someone a cunt as that is based on their behaviour, not how they look.

I would also bet that the Chair of this committee would go apeshit if anyone spoke about her in such derogatory terms. People like that can normally dish it out but can't take it.

That depends. Does she have a face like an armpit? I mean, it could be a fair comment. LOL

I think you underreacted at the time and are overreacting now because you're annoyed at yourself for not saying anything. A simple 'What an unkind thing to say' would have done. You could still now say to her next time you see her that her remark has been on your mind, you thought it was unnecessary and unkind. But that's the extent of it IMO.

🤣

Yes it’s a bit rude, especially in that setting, but hardly that bad. I would have laughed, but I am pretty thick skinned. I worked in a male dominated environment for years, and find that comment fairly tame if I’m honest! You sound quite precious. Have you never said similar - I know I have - but it’s important to know your audience! By all means call someone out at the time if it upsets you or otherwise just move on.

Both types of language are unacceptable. I personally don’t sweet unless I break a bone and even then I just scream! Some people have mouths like amsewers. Didn’t bring mine up to swear but when they with friends sometimes they do. It’s a young persons thing nowadays.

I really don't get it when people are proud of being unbothered by comments like that. And as for it being 'tame' if you're used to a male-dominated environment, well, why the hell is it OK for men to behave like that? Why must other people get a thicker skin to deal with it, rather than these men behaving appropriately? Why is our bar so low.

Amazing!

Did you ever tell her to put a sock in it? 🤣