Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

[bagpuss90]

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

I wouldn't say its a vile remark that's a bit strong a word I can think of far more extremely vile names to be called.
I'd say its unkind she is trying to be funny but obviously she is disliked already.
Be brave and bring it up to her face ... just say " is there any need for your insults don't be so unkind especially when asking for a favour .. say are you this unkind about everyone behind their backs...

Hardly vile. That’s very mild!

Have we established whether the subjects face is like an armpit? I feel this is pertinent information

MH issues, the more I think about it. No one in their right mind would say anything like this.

If similar were to crop up again, you could:

1. turn and stare at the speaker
2. say ‘ a bit harsh, surely?’
3. say ‘let’s keep this professional’
4. say ‘errr excuse me <Susie>’

Or a combination of the above

I've been on committees before and I've heard far worse comments than this.
Let it go.

Is this a parish council meeting ?
Does Jackie Weaver have authority ?

Face like a blunt chisel has made me laugh in the past.

It reflects badly on her and everyone will have thought the same.

However you storming out or making a big deal of it will just show you as a pompous snowflake.

Terrible comment by her. Me personally I would have pulled her up in the meeting but that's who I am I can't stand people like that bullying behaviour. At this point I think as your partner has said she's made herself look poor but I would pull her aside and say something calm and firm. I would also make it clear if it happens again you will take it further. I mean can you complaint or have other members discuss her mannerism with her.

Sure. You'd not be offended being described as 'the one with the face like an armpit".

This is really strange; had it been a man she was referring to I would have thought it meant he had shaggy, unruly facial hair pointing in various directions but it's hard to visualise a woman with a face like that. Of course, it could be a shaved or depilated armpit. Did you know who she meant once she said that?

I'd check if there are any published guidelines and standards for committee members - you may have been given something when you applied or were appointed? While I wouldn't support rounding up people and jailing/executing them for comparing people to armpits, it seems like the role is a formal/responsible one and members, and especially the chair, should be held to certain standards.

I don't see why you'd quit - as you feel very strongly that she's wrong, you'd be doing more good speaking up about it than leaving her to it.

What does that mean? Looking roughed up? Red?

Did the person she was speaking of acknowledge it? Did they seem upset about being described that way? Before you do anything, you should find that out. If they didn’t mind or found it funny, do nothing.
If that person was clearly uncomfortable, maybe take the speaker aside and mention that what they said could be considered unkind. Probably, they thought it was no big deal. Either bringing up the idea that it could be hurtful will make them self reflect, or they’ll dismiss you as easily offended. After that, you decide if you want to remain a member of this group.

I would just find it a bizarre comment and think the person saying it is not quite right in the head.

But a horrible thing to say about someone she is about to ask for help. It’s unprofessional and inappropriate. She’s showed herself as a nasty person so that is one job she has taken care of herself. You will be aware next time and ready to pull her up.

Do they actually have a face like an armpit?

Either way, rather than a dramatic walk out or resignation, maybe just point out that you found the comment rude and inappropriate.

I think it’s kind of funny. I worked with a woman once who looked like a foot. I can’t really explain why or how but her face resembled a foot. I get what the woman means, I never would have said it publicly obviously as she did!! Just leave it though, she probably said it without thinking.

Mybe she should look at her own face before passing judgment on others, people who disrespect others (for no good reason) usually have empty lives, what she said was cruel and nasty......😮

As previous posters have correctly noted, people
who throw out these insults are never oil paintings themselves.

The phrase doesn’t work as an insult because it doesn’t scan. The visual of a face as an armpit just doesn’t work. So she is unfunny as well as rude.

It’s understandable to freeze in the moment OP. You know for next time to just ask her to keep things professional. She is unlikely to take the feedback on board because people like that never do

I thought it was funny, but then I am older and I find a lot of inappropriate things funny. So sad.

But an armpit is just an area of skin. That’s what odd about it as an expression. It’s no more unattractive than ‘area of lower back’ or ‘forearm’.

Such outrage, you should have flounced off when it was said, wept loudly told your DP that someone said something rude. Had a rest on your chaise long then after a suitable length of time you could get up and write some notes to all concerned on lavender scented paper.

No one’s allowed to laugh at anything or anyone anymore. Get a grip.

I can only assume she has facial hair from your wording ?
It was a horrible thing to say In her position. Derogatory, of she had referred to the person as looking like a letterbox all hell would break loose at that. So I think op made a fair comment. I would of challenged that. But dont resign you might catch her out again. I also think some of the support this comment has made shows how Indifferent people are to others feelings.

One of my colleagues once referred to a contractor in conversation as “the one that looks like rhinoceros upside down”. There were at least a dozen working on our floor at the time but in the words of the two Ronnies “we heard what he said but we knew who he meant”.

@SoManyTshirts Love this!

I remember years ago listening in on a conversation between my Mum and some of my aunties. They were discussing a recent village event they had all been to and elderly auntie was trying to tell the others something about one of the women there. Clearly none of them knew her name, but auntie described her as "the one in the dress that did nowt for her." That did the trick, they instantly knew who she was referring to.