Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

[bagpuss90]

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

I've never heard such an expression before or description of someone's face to even resemble an armpit, but I can tell it most surely wasn't meant to be some compliment 💚

My chair person made a racist comment. Would you give me the same advice? I’m not confronting her. I’m just withdrawing from the committee.

I agree with your DH. We can't police what other adults say. People who say stupid things just make themselves look stupid.

That’s up to you … how will things change if people to scared to speak up?!?

According to this thread it doesn’t matter.

Sorry can’t comment without seeing a photo.

I was part of a Voluntaey Sector group for over 20 years and attended Commitee Meetings on a moothly basis.

Our Chair would have censued that person staight away for making a rude and personal remark.

Not heard that remark before now.. It actually doesnt even make sense. Face like a Bashed Crab used to a top insult back in the day.

Perhaps her time would be better used writing scripts for the Malcolm Tucker character in the Thick of It.

She should get in touch with Armando
Ianucci if they ever make a new series

I would just leave.

Hairy and smelly? Or is that just my armpit!

Sorry @ColdAsAWitches, my response was supposed to be to @AnneLovesGilbert saying "What on earth does it mean? I'm completely intrigued.

I agree with your husband, she’s shown her true colours without any help from anyone else. Digging a hole all by herself.

Get over yourself

Pick your battles.

Speak to her and say you suggest personal insults are kept out of the Committee meetings. Even if said in jest, it’s rude. Imagine how the person would feel if they knew they’d been spoken about that way in a meeting.

If she says anything like it at future meetings, call it out at the time.

@Anewuser, Please don't make ageist remarks either.
I'm in my late 60's, and I know not to make remarks like that - not that I ever would even think of doing so - my parents were born in the 1920's and would also have never thought of using such an - obviously meant to be nasty - term. In fact none of my Grandparents who were born in the 19th century would have been shocked to hear such a horrible term.

@bagpuss90 the person who used that silly phrase as an insult about one of your club members, is just showing their ignorance, and nasty character. But as someone else previously said - on page 1 I think - the best thing to do if there is ever another similar occasion when people are disrespectful of others, is to ask that they keep their language and words respectful.

Not worth making a major issue.
Consider the poor woman the insult was aimed at and her embarrassment at knowing what was said about her 😩.

I’m not laughing at all……

I agree it's an awful offensive comment made to get a cheap laugh at someone else's expense and she needs to be pulled up on it. If it's not too late you could say you found it really offensive and how it showed complete disregard for someone else's feelings. At the very least it might make her think about it. If she brushes it off as you are making a fuss over nothing then I would resign. At least you have standards. I don't know why so many people on here think it's funny. How would they like it if the comment were made about their son or daughter.

But why on earth should she use any description?
The woman presumably has a name! Why not use it? I take it it’s something like a PTA or a WI type of committee, as I’m sure in a business or corporate environment, she most certainly wouldn’t use a phrase like that, or any other, to describe a person that they’re actually wanting help from, without being pulled up about it. What a horrible woman.

That is so funny. Do you faint if someone says fuck or cunt?

Would you use these descriptors to someone’s face?

I'm trying to picture a face that's sort of caved in or dented like an armpit but struggling to create the mental image.

She showed herself up. Nobody else found her funny. It’s not on you. Be prepared next time to pull her up.

Goodness, imagine the so called people who have this facade of columns of society....filled with hatred towards the ordinary folk they are helping to

She showed herself up and embarrassed herself. That was a vile thing to say but I'm confused to why you would even think of resigning over something like that. I would have just asked why she thinks that person's face looks like an armpit. I've never heard that saying before. Seems a odd nasty thing to say.

I think I'd rather someone called me a cunt than said I have a face like an armpit.