Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

[bagpuss90]

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

It is typical committee drama though. They all love a bit of that. 😂

What does that mean?

What type of committee is it. Is it something like organising May Day and the like? 😂

It's not appropriate in any committee for the chair to be insulting to others members. However, I don't see it as a resigning issue for you - just the chair.

You were going to quit, because someone made an awful remark?
Do you run away every time someone says something uncomfortable? Sounds quite weak.
Practise calling people on their bullshit, and they'll think twice about saying unkind things.

I re read the insult in an Audrey fforbes-Hamilton voice 🤦‍♀️

Oh, pack it in with all the ‘well, I don’t even know what that means’ disingenuous nonsense. It’s pretty obvious it wasn’t meant as a compliment.
And why is the OP getting a hard time over it? It’s a massively rude, inappropriate and cruel thing to say. It’s also impolitic when you say it about someone who you want a favour from!
OP, I’d be tempted, if you have this sort of organising structure, to add an item to the agenda for the next meeting along the lines of ‘appropriate conduct in the group’ and raise it then.

Ha ha! Brilliant!

If you don't like remarks like that you have to speak up at the time, OP. Not throw your toys out of the pram days later.

Just say something like "I don't think that's a good way to talk about others, especially when you're acting in an official capacity."

She was wrong. But you should have said something at the time.

It’s a crap insult. It doesn’t really evoke anything. My dad described someone as having a face like an arse pocket full of spanners. He probably got it off somebody on TV, but I couldn’t stop laughing. See also face like a welder’s bench. Face like a bulldog chewing a wasp. I don’t think insults about people’s appearance are appropriate in a committee meeting though. But I wouldn’t do anything. If other people had started joining in, that’s completely different. But it was just one woman making a tit of herself.

I vote record them and pop them online - I need more Jackie Weaver energy in my life!

Is it true though? Do they have a face like an armpit?

Secondly, are you going to tell this person what the chair said about their looks?

I’ll admit that in life, I am much more drawn to people like the committee chair than people like the OP who clutch their pearls over a funny remark and proclaim it ‘vile’ 😂

the correct course of action, since you didn't take it at the time (which would have been "that isn't appropriate language for a meeting - we learn in Kindergarten that making fun of someone's appearance is wrong") is to use exactly that phrase in a follow up email to everyone who was there.

Do you get minutes by email? reply to all either "thank goodness that inappropriate comment was cut out" or the phrase above about it being inappropriate.

I have said in similar circumstances "Can we not make comments about someone's appearance and just stick to facts please"

I don't think it's funny. It's rude and needs calling out. Particularly if she has form for it.

Unless everyone else on the committee also thinks it's funny and then you should leave because you don't want to be hanging out with folk like that.

Does she have a face like an armpit? What is it about her face that looks like an armpit? Kind of a weird comparison. Shaved or unshaved? Does she have no features on her face like a freshly veeted pit? Or excess facial hair that covers her entire face like an unshaven one? I’d have got her to clarify

Jesus holy fuck. Yes it was an unkind comment.

But vile? And worthy of flouncing? Have a word with yourself.

Oh God, I’m having a right laugh at this. I couldn’t imagine what someone having a face like an armpit would look like, but now I’m picturing all sorts🤣 You clearly have a more vivid imagination than me!

Yes, not a mental imagine I’d ever thought would pop into my head!!

Not exactly, the correct term is a fanny like a dropped lasagne

Nah, it’s originally ‘fanny like a punched lasagne’ and ‘face like a dropped pie’, but I don’t suppose variations matter.

I was thinking very Margot Leadbetter.

100pc agree with this.
Behaviour like that in my workplace would result in disciplinary proceedings and rightly so.

I certainly don't it a funny remark and I don't wear pearls. Not that it would matter if I did.