Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

[bagpuss90]

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

If it's like our PPC meetings, occasionally the words 'not for the minutes' are uttered!

I would have asked her who she meant, no idea what a face like an armpit would look like, hairy, sweaty, no doesn't ring any bells. Did anyone know who she meant? I hope the person she was referring to finds out and refuses whatever help was required.

Does their face look like an armpit OP?

Quality virtue signalling. I loved 'I should have said something' and 'I nearly walked out but I didn't..' You crack on and flounce away...
😆

She sounds like a bully. Not an appropriate person to be working on a committee. Talk to other committee members about their experiences with her. As a group, you might be able to get her thrown off.

But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ?

About this. Nothing. The moment has passed.

About your "not being good if put on the spot"; think of good responses for next time or work on your self confidence? What will you do if the next remark is actually racist/homophobic etc as opposed to just unpleasant?

My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go

This approach could very easily come back to bite you on the arse. I very much doubt she’ll agree with you, or that she’d step down of her own accord. So if you really think she should go, then your only option that I can see is to sneak around and get the other committee members to agree with you, then hold a vote of no confidence. But it would be you who would have to bring that up and inform her that her services are no longer required, because I very much doubt anyone would do it for you. And although it’s really unpleasant, it’s not hate speech. It’s not like people would feel that there was no option for her but to go. Some people might think you’re over reacting and all trust in you would be gone.

I think your best option is to be prepared for the next time she says something offensive. So you could say ‘That’s unacceptable, Margery. It’s rude, it’s unnecessary and it’s not what this group is about. If you continue saying these sorts of things about people then one of us will have to leave because you’re changing the atmosphere of a lovely group and it’s becoming a horrible place to be’.

It was "like the back-end of a bus" round our way. Obviously I know better now and er .. would never say that (in a meeting).

Yes, it was a mean thing to say. I can only imagine she thought she was amongst friends, trying to be funny, and thought she could get away with saying something like that.

Hopefully, by everyone looking horrified, she'll realise her error and it won't happen again. I mean, we've all said things about people that we wouldn't say to their faces.

Resigning/flouncing off is very OTT.

Next time she makes a similar comment, you could say -

'Margaret, we are all already aware that you are a particularly nasty piece of work, but could you please attempt to maintain a professional attitude for the next hour?'

Yes, bully her. That’s the answer

😆😂

Keep serious reporting for serious things. Let this one go. People have a job to do.

I am genuinely curious to know what face like an armpit looks like 😂

Many years ago a reporter described Fergie's backside (in very tight leggings) as looking like a bag of ferrets. Very mean but true . An armpit doesn't give me the same visual imagery. Yes, she was rude but a quick 'that's mean' would have done the trick

Surely it’s just one of those things you say when someone is unattractive like saying they look like a big toe or whatever? They don’t literally look like that thing. At least I hope there’s nobody walking around with an actual armpit face!

I would imagine it to look quite similar to a face like a bulldog chewing on a wasp. 🤣

OP said that everyone looked shocked and she has form for upsetting people. How is that ok to just let her continue?

Shes basically just called another volunteer(or employee?) ugly. She sounds like a total dick and deserves what’s coming to her.

I thought that one was more about their expression than their looks, at least it is where I am. Sort of pulling a disapproving disgusted face, sort of how I imagine MNers to look when they see a loo brush in the wild.

Do we think hairy arm pit or unhairy armpit?

I think you would be quite justified in proposing a vote of no confidence in the Chair at the next meeting. They are clearly not suited to the role.

She sounds horrible @bagpuss90
That was nasty.

Well, if nobody ever calls her out on it, I’m hardly surprised. Resigning or formally objecting seems OTT however it would’ve been appropriate at the time to just say Oi Janet please don’t be rude about XX

I get the light hearted side . But she asking this woman fir a bloody favour . There was an incident with her last year- someone was meant to help on the Saturday but her mum passed earlier that week. The chair didn’t see this as a valid excuse

I was just thinking that. "Face like an armpit" sounds rather odd but not particularly offensive.