Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

[bagpuss90]

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

Well it would appear I’m not the only one who thinks the OP is totally overreacting. ‘Unpleasant’ - maybe. ‘Vile’ - complete hyperbole

Generally by most people yes. But the op finds this vile. 😂

Maybe OP is now so traumatized she will need time off work and have PTSD.

Seriously, people need to pick the things to get upset about. It’s not a competition on who can find he most mundane thing to get most offended by.

🤣🤣🤣. That’s another one to add to my list of insults !

This is a "say something at the time/say something next time" situation.

If no one ever pulls people up on personal remarks then they will continue to make them. Lots of people on here think it's fine so you may want to read the room on what the other people on the committee are like.

I think it’s very much a Mumsnet thing. In my 68 years Ive never come across anyone in real life who would report the sort of things that are raised on Mumsnet, let alone asking for advice on whether they should do so 🤣

I take minutes- we definitely would not write this down! Unless it was court minutes you keep it factual and relevant to the business of the meeting.

I'm thinking of John and Mary on Father Ted 'you've a face like a pair of tits'. Never knew what it meant but it makes me laugh every time.

Face like a busted clog
Face like they have been sucking lemons
Face like a dropped flan

Well it’s not very pleasant to comment on someone’s looks especially when you are going to ask them for a favour, but I’d leave it there.

Hairy or shaved.? 😅

What is it that stops people saying “Excuse me, I don’t think that speaking of someone that way is acceptable”?

Is this Handforth Parish Council? And does the person in question look like an armpit?

Hairy and sweaty I would imagine.

Gosh there are some pretty unpleasant posters on this thread.

Of course talking about somebody behind their back like that is nasty behaviour. Particularly when she was going to go to try and use the help of the person she was talking about. I expect she has something nasty to say about everyone when they arent in earshot.

I think you should be prepared to call this rude woman out next time, and I'm sure there will be a next time she makes an uncalled for comment.
And if it results in a showdown you will know how the other group members feel about things. And you would be justified in quitting the group if necessary if the air clearing argument exposed the group as one you really weren't comfortable in staying in.

I think I read

That's a horrible thing to say OP. I would be upset too - how nasty to comment on someone’s facial hair. Shocked by those who think it’s funny.

She does have form for upsetting people. She just says what she thinks

I think I read on here that someone had a face like a dropped lasagne.

Idk I'm gonna have to see the face to decide 😂😂😂 sorry I just don't know how a human face can resemble an armpit!

I’m a volunteer on a number of committees, doesn’t give me a pass to make insulting comments. A chair at the very least should act professionally

I once worked with a woman who described a man as 'him with the face like a flaccid penis'.

I was shocked, but then I couldn't unsee it.

I voted yanbu because I thought this happened in a formal workplace environment. But a committee ? No . I mean who are you gonna even report it to

this is a bad quality in a chair and ywnbu for trying to persuade someone else to take over on this basis. But I still think challenging her as stuff comes up is the best approach.