Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

[bagpuss90]

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

Its not very nice and I think you should definitely have asked for her to be a bit more professional and not make personal comments

Its definitely not vile!

You clearly dislike her. So maybe do resign.

But what does it mean?

I wonder if the person with the face like an armpit cares that she's been described this way? If someone told me they'd heard this said about me I'd ask why they're bothering to tell me. Looking like a bodily crevasse isn't a moral failing or a stain on your character. Who cares??

The knowledge that they will be regarded as nit picking and po faced and people will smile to their faces but sigh with relief as they walk away.

I don’t think you’re overreacting OP. Not only was it cruel, it was also unprofessional. It’s a nasty, spiteful little remark even for a night of drinking with friends. But in a setting like that it’s totally unacceptable.

If there is a vice chair I might ask them to have a word

To be fair I’d laugh.

I consider my arm pits to be very attractive!😁!

Hairy, sweaty and a bit creased?

That depends on who you keep company with. I would rather align myself with the less insecure that don't need to remark upon others looks because of their own petty failings.

I agree face like a slapped arse refers to someone’s expression which they are to some extent in control of, and thus is less rude in my book than commenting about someone’s looks, which is rude because you can’t much change those. But I honestly cannot think how a face can be like sn armpit.

There's no point in just flouncing.

Equip yourself with a selection of comments or responses to her inappropriate stuff

e.g " well, the insult seems uncalled for but maybe we could ask her..."
"I'm not sure I agree with your personal comments / criticisms but perhaps we could..."
"Can we keep our conversation / language of a kind we can see in the minutes?"
"I am not comfortable with that language, but the main issue here is..."

And tbh OP, if you are NOT comfortable giving your opinion in a polite, direct way, are you the right person to be on a committee? People on committees take responsibility and need to make their views clear. Give it a try, once you get the hang of it it gets easier. If she can make her views known, so can you!

I was thinking of an armpit viewed from the side, and not raised, so it would look a bit squashed with a line across it like a mouth. Or maybe Im overthinking it 😆😆

I wouldn’t have known what she meant but I think I would have been able to guess it wasn’t being said as a compliment. And it definitely doesn’t sound like the sort of remark that should be made about somebody at an official meeting. Particularly if you want their help with something.

It definitely doesn’t sound like a remark that should be made about somebody at an official meeting. Even more so when you want their help !!!
I’m not surprised she wasn’t called out on it though.
It takes guts to call out nasty behaviour.

But does this person have a face like an armpit?!

oh for god's sake it's life. Get over it.

Vile is a bit strong. Rude yes. Not worth flouncing over. Not worth getting offended by proxy. Just take the high road and get the job done.

This has just made me laugh into my coffee 😂

Also why do people think people on committees have to behave professionally? It doesn’t sound like it’s an important meeting and if it’s volunteers then people are more relaxed.

What about ‘face like a bag of spanners’ or ‘face like a bulldog chewing a wasp?

That's what I thought too. I have no idea what it means but 'in need of a shave'.

😂😂 This genuinely made me laugh out loud 😂

it's quite easy you say wonder what she thinks of your face.