Partners horrible tattoo addiction

[feduptbh]

Not writing this to be horrible about my partner but I’m concerned.
when we met he had tattoos yes but he’s now covered.
I also have tattoos (just the odd one) I haven’t had any for ten years.

I feel his tattoo addiction has got out of hand. The tattoos he had are demonic. (Monsters, demons with big tongues hanging out etc) including stuff like Jason from the horror film. He looks covered in big black blobs and honestly he’s starting to look an absolute mess.
I’m all for your body your choice absolutely and I don’t control him or tell him not to.
but I feel he spends too much money on them.
example today he’s booked a full day being tattooed of another monster. This costs hundreds and we are by no means rich.
We’ve got kids a house etc I’d rather the spare money go on the kids or a day out etc.

he said yesterday “2 years ago I’d of canceled my tattoo for you but not now I don’t cater to you like that” which to me says it all. And really hurt.

honestly I love him but he looks a mess. Honestly the tattoos are a horror scene xa

That sounds absolutely gross. Are you still attracted to him? I think it’s okay not to be.

I am neutral on tattoos, and very much like some beautiful ones on friends, but I do always wonder who is attracted to people who have turned themselves into a big inky mess of badly done, random inky scribbles.

"he said yesterday “2 years ago I’d of canceled my tattoo for you but not now I don’t cater to you like that” which to me says it all. And really hurt."

That's the bit I'd be exploring with him. If you ask him to stop getting tattoos or criticise the ones he has he can react defensively and accuse you of being critical or controlling, but there's no reason he should be able to say something that hurtful to you without explaining what he means and being accountable for the hurt he caused.

So ask him - have we stopped "catering to" each other now? What does that look like? Are you going to be okay with it if I stop caring about your opinion? If I spend our money without checking in with you? If I make big changes to my appearance without bothering about what you think? Disappear for hours and leave you to look after the kids? How is that a relationship that either of us is going to be happy in?

Maybe he meant he was just doing what he wanted to his own body without having to be told not to by his partner?

So what you are basically saying is he’s being unreasonable, but you’re not? You’re now embarrassed? Unconditional love no longer exists because it doesn’t suit your agenda/style?

Perhaps he isn’t in a good place, I don’t know either of you, but FFS you are clearly more worried about others opinions of him. At least that is how you are coming across.

Do you still want to be with him?

How is he affording this? Does he work? If you and the kids aren’t getting days out and holidays because he’s spending all the spare money on these tattoos then he needs to get his priorities straight.

I think it would be the cost rather than the tattoos themselves that would bother me. He has the right to do whatever he wants to his body (although I'm with you in that I'd hate that on my DP) but you're a family and therefore money needs to be prioritised to support the DCs.

You may love him but that "2 years ago" comment doesnt seem like the sort of thing you'd say to someone you love. More like someone with one foot out the door.

Yes, is he paying for these out of his own money or out of a joint account, I'd be upset too

I’d dump him. I see some people out and about with tattoos and they make me feel physically sick (the tattoos, not the people!) so no way could I be in a relationship with someone that made me want to vomit whenever i looked at him. I feel the same about the big holes in ears some people have or things like multiple facial piercings

I unashamedly hate tattoos but I understand other people think differently.

I would normally say ther body their choice. But your partner has told you he is having tattoos to spite you. He is spending money on himself that any normal Dad would spend on his children to ensure they have a decent home and standard of living. And that's leaving aside how disgustingly unattractive these tattoos sound.

Honestly OP I don't know why you would want to be in a relationship with this man.

"2 years ago I’d of [sic] canceled [sic] my tattoo for you" -

The sentiments above, coupled with the expenditure on his tacky addiction, hardly bode well for a future with this tasteless & selfish man. I'd say leave him and use any spare time in improving your English. 🤔

You are being a bit nit picky here. She was quoting speech so he likely said something along the lines of 'I've cancelled my tattoo for you' which many hear as of.

Missing an l in cancelled is minor.

@feduptbh the tattoos are clearly the top of some deeper issues in your relationship and it sounds oddly like he wants to spite you with them, which is worrying. I think if he knows they are making you pull away and he is choosing them regardless he is probably wanting your relationship to break down. It sounds like the designs he is picking are confrontational in themselves- I wouldn't want to look at horror images when I'm cuddled up with someone I love. Is he generally happy in other ways? They feel like something you'd do because you hate yourself.

Well bully for you and your perfect written English. What a bitchy and unnecessary comment.

Embarrassed for you 😂😂

I don't like tattoos but my opinions aside, I've known several friends whose men repeatedly kept getting them and these men aren't mentally very well and often are cheating on their partner.

What he chooses to get tattooed on his own body is his business but I'd be pissed off if my husband was spending hundreds (into the thousands?) on tattoos when you've got a young family and money is tight!

And what about women with tattoos? Are they mentally ill cheaters too?

And spending thousands of pounds of family money, and days of family time, doing it. Nah. Not ok.

Neither of you get to dictate what the other one does to their body. You can decide you don’t like it but you don’t get to complain about it - either live with it or leave .

Howling at the idea that having tattoos means they are cheating 🤣

Assuming theres no kids I'd leave because there would be 3 core incompatibility issues.

1. Money
2. The gross / demonic tattoos everywhere.
3. The cartman-esque "i do what i want" attitude

I don't mind tattoos but this is just a no.

It's perfectly understandable that you no longer find him physically attractive after he has altered his appearance to this extent, and to leave him on that basis. But beyond that too, his disregard for family finances whilst doing it is the main reason to ditch him.

I don't know, I have mostly friends that are women.

Well then she needs to split with him, the tattoos are permanent. If he has spent so much and she’s not happy, why didn’t she address it earlier