Partners horrible tattoo addiction

[feduptbh]

Not writing this to be horrible about my partner but I’m concerned.
when we met he had tattoos yes but he’s now covered.
I also have tattoos (just the odd one) I haven’t had any for ten years.

I feel his tattoo addiction has got out of hand. The tattoos he had are demonic. (Monsters, demons with big tongues hanging out etc) including stuff like Jason from the horror film. He looks covered in big black blobs and honestly he’s starting to look an absolute mess.
I’m all for your body your choice absolutely and I don’t control him or tell him not to.
but I feel he spends too much money on them.
example today he’s booked a full day being tattooed of another monster. This costs hundreds and we are by no means rich.
We’ve got kids a house etc I’d rather the spare money go on the kids or a day out etc.

he said yesterday “2 years ago I’d of canceled my tattoo for you but not now I don’t cater to you like that” which to me says it all. And really hurt.

honestly I love him but he looks a mess. Honestly the tattoos are a horror scene xa

Do you think he feels high/ “a rush” from the pain, @feduptbh ? Any previous substance abuse disorders? These can permanently change how your body regulates sensations like pain and “tattoo shock”/“tattoo flu” is usually a thing. If he seems totally fine after these huge tattoos, there’s something medical going on here (steroids? amphetamines? Is he on any ADHD medication?); he should feel depleted, sore, exhausted, and his immune system will be shite because it’s healing a large wound.

If he’s addicted to tattoos, that’s difficult and needs to be explored; if it’s just a pain addiction or a form of self-abuse, BDSM is a lot cheaper and easier. If you’re no longer attracted to him or no longer feel the relationship is working, please know that you have the right to leave (as does he).

She's said they've got DC. Also, money is tight, but he seems to have an addiction to getting tattoos.

Did posting this make you feel good? If I were you I'd have a think about why lecturing strangers like a headmistress gives you a buzz. To me it speaks of feeling powerless in your life, and needing to put someone in their place to make the bad feeling go away. What do you think?

When you have piercings and tattoos, it does seem a bit addictive. I have a few tattoos and I would want more, the last i had was a tribute to my dogs whom I lost just a paw print and name. Money stops me I have more sense. I would think that if tattoos are more important to him that time with his kids, who would want to be stuck in a studio for a day in nice weather? Time to kick him out

Agree with this.

OP this is a tough one, but as PP have said it falls into two camps:

• He likes tattoos, and I defend everyone's right to do what they like with their body. It sounds like he had and liked tattoos when you got together, so while the style may gross you out, I'm not sure you can make any difference here.
• He is spending huge amounts of money on this. Tattoos are not cheap! You have every right to challenge spending in this if it affects your family money.

The statment that he would noy cater to you now is hurtful, but it depends on the real meaning. If it's that he won't take your opinion into consideration over the design, fair enough. But if he is saying that your opinion on the amount of money being spent isn't important to him, that's not ok. You are supposed to be partners in a family, and this would apply whether it's tattoos or expensive hobby holidays several times a year.

I dont think there is anything remotely attractive about men (and women) who are heavily tattooed. Facial tattoos are the absolute worst in my opinion. I know several people with multiple very visible tattoos who are bitterly regretting it.
Once upon a time tattoos were only seen on sailors, prisoners and prostitutes.
Maybe they should have stayed there 😅

Hs told you exactly how he feels about you. What are you going to do about it?

This is why "my body my choice" is such a thought-terminating cliche.

If you're spending £1000s on aesthetic modifications for your body then you should absolutely consider your partner's thoughts, on two counts. One because your relationship significantly relates to your bodies. Two because if the money spent is a significant chunk of your joint income then it's impacting what else you can spend on together (house, holidays, etc.) If you have kids, and possess a conscience and some sense, it shouldn't even be a question you bring up whether you should be spending a limited income on tattoos.

Ah so its turned into an I hate tattoo thread, how novel.

Which doesnt really help the OP at all really.

Op hes hurt you by saying two years ago he wouldn't have had another tattoo. A serious discussion about why hes getting more when you could be doing things as a family needs to be had. Depending on how that goes then you need to think how serious an issue it is and what you want to do about it.

As for Sneery Mc fucking Sneerface above correcting spelling, I cringed so much with embarrassment I could climb into my bottom drawer. Embarrassed for you.

No , the of is replacing the word have. I'd have cancelled becomes I'd of cancelled.

you need to split since your ideas of how to live your lives are not compatible.

Not married with kids? that's going to be a bit of a mess, sorry.

Sod exploring!

He’s spending family money on tattoos rather than his kids and no respect for OP. Bin!

Thanks everyone! I’ve read all replies & took it all in. He does work yes but gives me less than he spends on tattoos. Which is hurtful. This week is week before pay day so what’s left is for fuel for school runs and food for a week. He’s spent more on tattoos today than my weekly fuel & food shop 😢
my nails are a mess, my hair needs doing, my eyebrows need doing i need new clothes & shoes but I don’t care. That’s luxury and will happen after pay day. This week my priority is food & petrol 😢 I’m just so disappointed in him and I feel bottom of the pile
do I fancy him? His face yes. His body.. he’s in shape but ruined it with the tattoos so no I don’t x

@feduptbh YANBU!

I love tattoos but when people have too many they look awful.

A woman in the supermarket the other day looked like she had nasty bruising on her leg or some sort of huge birth mark from afar. On closer inspection it was actually lots of tattoos very close together!

Artwork is fab but when you have too much artwork then it spoils it and looks awful.

What's sad is that the cost of all those tattoos would have paid for a family holiday!

Your partner is treating you like crap.

Please consider leaving this relationship.

A true loving partner doesnt act like this selfish twat.

I’m sorry
“I don’t cater for you”
ffs get rid he sounds vile and I’d be embarrassed to be with someone who looked such a mess!

This is an example. All over. Ffs

He doesn't sound a catch tbh.

Do you work? What do you mean by the comment he gives you money? Does he control the finances? That is a far bigger issue.

Yes I see what you mean.

And its more than the tattoos, its the fact that they cost a fortune when its money you dont have for extras .

You need to thrash it out how serious it actually is, and if that doesnt get through to him then how it impacts your life with him going into the future

YANBU. Normally I'd say to find a private time to have a serious conversation about this, but if he's already telling you he won't take your opinions into consideration, it's past that, now. Personally, I think it's time for an ultimatum and meaning it. Either he starts giving a shit about how this affects you and the family or he loses you. The problem is, he may say things to placate you without sincerely committing to a change. Someone who is happy to tell you he doesn't care how you feel probably isn't going to make a meaningful change based solely on your (reasonable) objections. So maybe it's just time to end things.

He's putting his hobby of collecting ugly tattoos over you and his children. That would be a dealbreaker whatever the hobby might be. It's just a bit worse in this case, because his hobby makes him unattractive to you and makes it harder for many people to take him seriously and damages his employability.

Check his internet history.

I am neutral on tattoos. Don't have any but have dated someone with a few.

I did once have a fairly unremarkable male late 30s colleague who went from zero tattoos to 2 full sleeves in about 18 months. To me (in his case) it did feel like a mental health issue. Almost like bipolar maniac behaviour (I know that only lasts days) or some sort of midlife crisis.

I also saw some TV programme on tattoo removal. One youngish guy had tonnes of tattoos on his hands and neck. He said he went down that route due to the attention he was getting on social media.

I like tattoos but the example you just showed is woeful. Added to which he's spending family money that you can't afford.

How old are the kids? Who's house do you live in? I'd be getting my ducks in a row, he's doesn't care about you.

He sounds mentally ill. And he must look a right state.

That aside … I couldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who prioritised personal frivolous spending over family finances. It’s really selfish.