Partners horrible tattoo addiction

[feduptbh]

Not writing this to be horrible about my partner but I’m concerned.
when we met he had tattoos yes but he’s now covered.
I also have tattoos (just the odd one) I haven’t had any for ten years.

I feel his tattoo addiction has got out of hand. The tattoos he had are demonic. (Monsters, demons with big tongues hanging out etc) including stuff like Jason from the horror film. He looks covered in big black blobs and honestly he’s starting to look an absolute mess.
I’m all for your body your choice absolutely and I don’t control him or tell him not to.
but I feel he spends too much money on them.
example today he’s booked a full day being tattooed of another monster. This costs hundreds and we are by no means rich.
We’ve got kids a house etc I’d rather the spare money go on the kids or a day out etc.

he said yesterday “2 years ago I’d of canceled my tattoo for you but not now I don’t cater to you like that” which to me says it all. And really hurt.

honestly I love him but he looks a mess. Honestly the tattoos are a horror scene xa

Going from tattoo addiction to mentally unwell cheater is quite a stretch.

I don't think there's much you can do op and I don't think you are unreasonable to object.

They sound like they send a message to the works that he is an absolute mess inside and out. And that I could not look at day in day out, personally.

Sometimes people loathe something their partner morphs into over time and it's up to both parties to check in with th other and within reason say what do you think, do you like how I look like this? I don't think that's body control, I think that's basic respect and decency in a long term relationship.

All the best op, it sounds hard.

I fully confess to be disgusted by a heavily tattoo'd person male or female. Complete turn off, and I'd say I am not alone in thinking that. I get the feeling that all over tats are to hide something or to attract attention. Either way it's a ridiculous and so so permanent way of expressing yourself.

OP, I would make plans to assess how to get out of this situation asap. Not because of the tats as such, but his apparent disregard for you and the family. He is doing it to annoy you, and is depriving his kids of nice things. See what options you have. You might love him, but I doubt you like him much now.

I like tattoos but not on this level. Yanbu.
Not sure how you can help him to see that he has an addiction.

Gah, I feel for you. He's having horror blobs tattooed on that to you, represent his selfishness!

I think you need to address the deeper issues here which is that you expressing your concerns about his priorities led to him basically responding "F you, I don't care".

Do you think he wants to work on the relationship? It's only going to work if he is going to engage and self reflect, sadly right now he doesn't seem to give a hoot.

Men with tattoos are mentally ill cheaters? Righto.

I can only talk from the many friends whose partners started getting many large, expensive tattoos suddenly. And also please note that this info was for the OP, not for the sneering.

Hope I'm wrong.

Why didnt he have enough respect for her to ask if she was ok with it? Have you any idea how much a day of tattooing costs?

You're wrong. There are plenty of mentally ill cheaters who don't have tattoos and plenty of people with tattoos who aren't mentally ill cheaters.

HTH.

"You're wrong," grow up. I have nothing else to say to you and won't be responding further to any sneerers.

Yes I do know. If she wants to moan about the cost then fine. But you don’t have to ask if you can have a tattoo FFS.

YANBU OP

It's embarrassing but his body, his choice.

Doesn't mean you have to like it though.

He’s selfish for not wanting his partner to dictate what he does with his body? Ok then. Hope you say that when genders are reversed

My DP had tattoos on his chest, upper arm and all of his back when we first met, I think he got them done as an act of rebellion from being suffocated from his mother (his brother got married at 21!). He hasn't got any new tattoos since.

I would be lying if I found them overly attracted but he has the most wonderful personality and he has treated me so well.

Embarrassing, isn’t it 😳 Every individual has the right to do what they want with their body.

If it was the money then she needs to have dealt with that before it got to this point. But moaning about what he has tattooed is ridiculous

I'm covered in tattoos, so I do understand how addictive they can be, but I haven't had any since I had my DC 8 years ago.
I couldn't be with someone who prioritised tattoos over children.

You have to ask if you want to spend an entire day doing it and a small fortune! I cant imagine taking myself shopping all day and coming home a grand lighter without so much as a would you mind to my husband! What of he did the same without asking and it meant the kids were left with no adult and we hadn't the money to pay the mortgage! Absolutely selfish behaviour. Also, massive monster tattoos are fucking hideous and if I was her I wouldnt be attracted to a man who chose to do that to his body. So, yeah, id leave and I think she should too.

It’s his body though isn’t it so his choice. If you don’t like it and are no longer attracted to him as a result then you know what you have to do…

Apparently it’s possible to become addicted?

He is changing his appearance and you aren't attracted to him because of it.
I think its ok to acknoeledge it. Maybe discuss it and explain you can't see yourelf being with him longer term if this continues. Maybe this is the end where you go in separate directions.

I couldn’t find that attractive. The tattoos sound awful and I’d be embarrassed if my partner had them, but his attitude of spending money on them when you’ve said you’re not well off and have children is so selfish.

Omfg, that was hardly sneering! You made a wild statement, of course people are going to respond.

Maybe but @Gliblet is right - it caused hurt to the OP and it needs a calm adult discussion. Pete Davidson, who had over 200 tattoos and is in the process of having them all removed now that he feels like an adult and a father, stated that anyone who wants to make money should get into the tattoo removal business because it’s about to absolutely explode. Like Ozempic - celebrities get it first (Kris Jenner talked about trying “Ozempic”/GLP-1 before there were brand names for it) and then it filters down to us in the proletariat 😂

Tattoo addiction is a thing. It’s associated with endorphin/adrenaline/dopamine release and some people report feeling a high after new tattoo, and more confident/positive/attractive. But then the effect wears off. Interestingly in some there may be a connection with trauma.

Difficult to say if he’s actually addicted though or just really keen.

The red flag for me is what has changed- why is he no longer so committed to you?

It’s very, very difficult to remove tattoos though, it takes a long time - years, costs a lot of money - in Pete’s case likely 100s of thousands, and is very painful.