Partners horrible tattoo addiction

[feduptbh]

Not writing this to be horrible about my partner but I’m concerned.
when we met he had tattoos yes but he’s now covered.
I also have tattoos (just the odd one) I haven’t had any for ten years.

I feel his tattoo addiction has got out of hand. The tattoos he had are demonic. (Monsters, demons with big tongues hanging out etc) including stuff like Jason from the horror film. He looks covered in big black blobs and honestly he’s starting to look an absolute mess.
I’m all for your body your choice absolutely and I don’t control him or tell him not to.
but I feel he spends too much money on them.
example today he’s booked a full day being tattooed of another monster. This costs hundreds and we are by no means rich.
We’ve got kids a house etc I’d rather the spare money go on the kids or a day out etc.

he said yesterday “2 years ago I’d of canceled my tattoo for you but not now I don’t cater to you like that” which to me says it all. And really hurt.

honestly I love him but he looks a mess. Honestly the tattoos are a horror scene xa

I’m sick of hearing people talk about his ‘rights’ to have tattoos. Yes he has undisputedly the ‘legal’ right to. But in a marriage and family, there’s a bigger moral imperative and this is responsibility. I would expect a married couple to discuss any permanent changes to their body - why bother to get married if you prize your individualism to this extent? As for the finances, as long as OP has an equivalent sum to spend on her own hobbies and interests that’s fine - but married with children means your money is family money first.

Are you married, as a matter of interest?

O I can see that she doesn’t. In the 30s some husbands used to go to the pub on payday and spend their pay packet on drink letting their children starve. This is the modern day equivalent. This man is a waste of space.

My ex-H started having tattoos around the same time as his affair started. It was like he was trying to prove to her he was young and cool. He wasn't.

why bother to get married if you prize your individualism to this extent?

What a strange way to view bodily autonomy.

Straight from the proverbial horse's mouth.
An actual tattoo artist.

A recovering addict or mental health issues to have that extent of work done.

Why does it not surprise me that most people who've got loads of tatts from head to toe aren't well off, either?

Is it:
They're spending all their money on tatts?

They're not usually of the social demographic that earns good money?

And no I am not saying here that people without tatts are wealthy.
And of course there's always mega rich footballers who are covered ink.

Straight from the horse’s mouth, your assumption on the finances of the average tattoo customer is way off base. There is an extremely wide range of client.

Also I’d say your characterisation of people who have suffered with their mental health or addiction is very distasteful here. Many people can struggle for all kinds of reasons. They are all humans who deserve compassion. Regardless, my comments were about people building up a lot of tattoos in a very short time. Most heavily tattooed individuals work on it over years, and are of many, many walks of life.

Theres a demographic on here who make judgements on people if its outside of their little world view.

Theres a cheerful thread on here called I want to see your nails. Its folk who love a bit of nail art and some are long pointy, bright subtle etc.....in between are the mood hoovers coming on to say how 'chavvy' they are and its a certain group in society who get them. One poster said it made the other cheerful person look "poor"🤣

See tattoos are and aren't the issue here really, its her husband's lack of respect for her not liking that theres too many now, they are scary looking and cost a bleedin fortune that the family need, and she needs to get thst thrashed out with him.

He had tattoos when she met him so its the overkill now thats the issue.

But yeh, you'll get the 'Disgusted from Hampsted" types here to do a bit of judgemental posturing.

Tattoos are absolutely ubiquitous now so I don't doubt that your clients are from all walks of life.

Also I am not being uncompassionate, merely saying that to have all these tattoos in a short space of time is a sign that somebody is having issues.
I'm not profiting from it, either.

I don't think that people who are extremely heavily tattooed as in absolutely covered in them from head to toe are from all walks of life though.

A few outliers from one walk of life doesn't mean anything.

She said that he is spending a lot of money on something nice to have when there are other things they ought to spend money on
Also: addiction is always worrying for people in the addict's surroundings.

When you are a family, you don’t spend large chunks of cash without joint agreement, because there are lots of priority expenses for the children - a fun holiday, an educational day out etc.

So this is a problem and his comment that he isn’t changing his behaviour for you is a problem. He is also modelling irresponsible financial behaviour to your children and if they are of frightening monsters and your children are young that is not appropriate.

(I personally also find tattoos deeply unattractive - both at the physical level and the way heavy tattoos seem to indicate rough people/ex prisoners with drug and mental health problems. I lived in Japan where they are heavily associated with gangsters.)

I would not go out with someone who had heavy tattoos. They are just not classy and seem to indicate a rather pathetic need to show rebelliousness. “I’m my own person! I don’t conform! I’m not doing what you say!”
generally combined with not having a very good job.

Totally agree.
There'll be somebody naming the outliers who are heavily tattooed from head to toe with ugly as f* tattoos who are really high earners, in happy marriages and totally sorted in every way but that's what they are: outliers.

Celebrities don't count, either.

The tattoos are neither here nor there in this situation. The problem is he’s dominating family money on something that’s sole purpose is his enjoyment.

I love tattoos. I’m pretty heavily covered and not done as part of a mental breakdown as a previous poster suggested! It’s been a hobby of mine well over a decade in the making. I’m currently itching for a new one and yet I won’t. It wouldn’t bankrupt me and my children wouldn’t go without but there’s better things at the moment for the money to go on that benefits the entire family. I couldn’t in good faith spend money on something needless for myself when it could go in the ‘we need a new car fund’.

Your partner is being extremely selfish. Unfortunately for you he doesn’t really seem to care and is probably aware of it based on his comments about not catering to you and cancelling. What happens if you put to him that you need a hair cut? Spell it out to him that it’s the week before payday and you are actively going without to ensure you can feed your children yet he’s spending the equivalent entirely on himself. How does he react to having it pointed out to him?

Not married but been with my partner 17years. Why?

Lmao what? I’m a woman and I’ve been getting tattoos for 12 years. I’ve never once cheated on a partner. What are you on about 😂😂😂

My partner is a walking talking tattoo. The only time I said something was when he popped two small ones on his upper chest as a spur of the moment decision, and I didn't want him covering that gorgeous chest. He has promised that he will leave the rest of his chest alone from now on.

His are quite beautiful though and very colourful. They aren't menacing or angry tattoos.

He doesn't have mental illness and he isn't having an affair (a lot of generalisation on here). He also has a very high job with a massive company. He just makes sure on meeting days that he wears long sleeves.

I’ve yet to see a tattoo that I don’t find incredibly tacky. I’d have left him long ago. But pissing money away on this is even more indefensible.

For what!?!
having shit tattoos hardly gives you a dodgy nature! I have tattoos. I know many very lovely people who do. I know some absolutely twats who don’t, it’s not an indicator of someone’s character!

I can understand objecting on the financial grounds if you as a family struggle for money. However, if that isn’t the case and he is spending his money then you really cannot dictate what he does with his body. If it is to the extent that you can’t cope with it then you can leave of course. But essentially he has the right to do that.

Honestly, I would leave, I could not be with someone like this - not the tattoos, but the lack of respect for you this brings up from what he has said and lack of thought or consideration around possible impact for your family e.g. financially etc.

John Steinbeck uses 'of' instead of 'have' when he's writing dialogue. Not that I'm a big reader but I forced myself to read East of Eden recently (harrowing - don't recommend).

His last sentence is the issue he holds you in such contempt as he does his family finances

ltb

How do you organize family finances?

I don't think that's the reason people pull others up on grammar, that they're "powerless", that's quite a stretch. It jars me when I see would of etc. Pedants Corner is the place to be discussing things like this though.