Partners horrible tattoo addiction

[feduptbh]

Not writing this to be horrible about my partner but I’m concerned.
when we met he had tattoos yes but he’s now covered.
I also have tattoos (just the odd one) I haven’t had any for ten years.

I feel his tattoo addiction has got out of hand. The tattoos he had are demonic. (Monsters, demons with big tongues hanging out etc) including stuff like Jason from the horror film. He looks covered in big black blobs and honestly he’s starting to look an absolute mess.
I’m all for your body your choice absolutely and I don’t control him or tell him not to.
but I feel he spends too much money on them.
example today he’s booked a full day being tattooed of another monster. This costs hundreds and we are by no means rich.
We’ve got kids a house etc I’d rather the spare money go on the kids or a day out etc.

he said yesterday “2 years ago I’d of canceled my tattoo for you but not now I don’t cater to you like that” which to me says it all. And really hurt.

honestly I love him but he looks a mess. Honestly the tattoos are a horror scene xa

So i’ll preface this by saying that going by the burns “rule of 9s”, I am probably about 36%ish tattooed. I am also a medical professional, who was heavily tattooed when I was initially employed, and have had many more extensions to them since. (Oh, and ex Police). I am neither unintelligent, nor chavvy (🤢). All this to say, that I have nothing against tattoos (neither did my late husband, and it’s never seemed to put anyone, male or female off seeking a relationship with me), however I don’t think it’s really the tattoos that are the issue here.

No, I don’t like the style of the OPs partner’s tattoos, but that’s purely personal choice, and if OP now finds him unattractive because of them, then she either has to learn to ignore or let them grow on her, or leave him. More importantly, I can fully afford all of my ink, and would never prioritise it over any of my children’s or household needs. So OP needs to have a proper chat with her partner over where his priorities lie, whether he’s likely to consider a financial compromise, or whether their relationship has reached it’s end, as he is no longer willing to put her and their children’s needs above his own wants.

This conversation should preferably be had in a non confrontational way, at a time when tempers aren’t running high over the current particular tattoo situation, as nothing good ever comes of a discussion whilst feelings are heightened.

Good luck OP, it does sound like you’re going to need it.

You don't need to ask your spouse if you can get a tattoo ffs. Even if it's a vulgar one.

I have quite a few tattoos and generally quite like them. Though not the style of the one posted. Mine come out of my fun money, and I have probably averaged about one a year over the last 10 years or so.

It’s the spending money and time on them over his children that would bother me. As well as the talking to you like shit thing. Sounds like resents you OP.

Ugh! I dislike the look of tattoos - even just one or two look horrible, imo. They are a type of mutilation. Basically it's injecting poison into the skin. The body is constantly trying to rid itself of it, so probably in a constant state of of inflammation.

Why people spend their money on such things I find difficult to comprehend.

I get why some people choose to fritter away hundreds (thousands, probably) of pounds on getting their nails done, eyebrows done, false eyelashes, Botox, hair extensions, hair colour, hair styling and so on. I see that they're attempting to enhance their appearance (although, whether or not they succeed is debatable, especially with lip plumping!). But tattoos are universally hideous and make any person look less attractive than they did before.

Aren’t the kids a bit scared of all these horrible demonic monsters? 😢

Botox is poison. Personally I think that people who have the Botox, fillers etc look hideous. But do you know what I dont do? I don’t judge them for doing it as it has no effect on me. What people choose to do to themselves is up to them.

People have tattoos for all sorts of reasons. Mine are not visible in day to day life. But at least if someone has such an OTT reaction about something that hurts nobody, I know they are going to be narrow minded in other ways so it does save me the trouble of bothering with them 😊

I think your post is the most sensible on the thread

Actually no. You have NO say in what people do to their own bodies even if you are the person that is sleeping with them.

You can choose not to want to stay with them as a result. That is the only thing you are entitled to do.

I agree with this part. It doesn't matter what he was spending it on, a hobby, booze/drugs, friendships nights out, whatever. He chose to be a family man, which means we have to not be selfish and frivolous any longer. By all means put some money aside for your personal hobbies, a night out, tattoos, whatever but taking from your family to spend on yourself is just dreadful.

Whatever.
I maintain that large, multiple tattoos of disturbing images like monsters and guns on areas like the back of the neck, chest and décolleté areas are a clear, unequivocal sign of mental health issues.

I have altered my views a bit over the last ten years on tattoos generally, though.

Prior to this I'd have said that they were only OK on military men, now, as they're so ubiquitous, a small singular tattoo on the wrist or ankle featuring some naff string if writing says that this may be a trend follower and nothing more.

Though I do admire those under 35 who've resisted as they're not sheep.

There's nothing you can say to make me change my mind on this and frankly any insults you throw at me are water off a duck's back so there's really no point in you replying.

I am not trying to change your mind because people like you don’t, and that’s fine.

Telling someone not to bother to reply - that’s not how a public forum works.🤣

This thread is an eye opener for sure

We all like different things, and while I like tattoos im not a fan of facial piercings etc.

But what I certainly won't do is judge a persons mental health if they have them. They like them, I don't, simple as that.

Its a certain type on here that does the judging of anything outside of their own views as having some kind of mental aberation!🤣

And its why other sites hilariously take the piss

Point taken, what I should have said is that there's no point replying expecting me to reply to any further insights you have about this.

I split up with my daughter's father when she was 6 months old. He was quite a bit younger than me. Didn't have tattoos. I quite like nice tattoos, but now 16 years later he is covered in horrible tacky tattoos and as he is tall and now quite stocky he looks borderline NF thug. Awful. And if that seems judgey, then tough because that's a look he has chosen, with the implications of these nasty tattoos.He's never paid any maintenance to my daughter, and when I was struggling to pay the bills etc when my daughter was little, he would post photos on Facebook of his disgusting but expensive large back piece or sleeve tattoos. So no I think YANBU.

I don’t expect you to.

I’m a tattoo artist. I have clients like this (I half wondered if it was about one of my current regulars, but he’s not getting horror work). They aren’t well off and it’s the money side which would absolutely give me pause - and yes, I am aware that I’m profiting from this kind of customer.

If it’s family money, he has zero right to keep spending without your agreement.

I will also say. His body, his choice, but if you’re not attracted to the tattoos that’s also your choice. You don’t have the right to tell him to stop but you do have the right to tell him you’re leaving because you don’t want to be with him anymore. Whether it’s that bad or not, no one here can say.

Edit to add: most of my customers who are getting this extent of work in a short time are usually either:

Recovering addicts, who are replacing their drink/drug/gambling spend with tattoos, which form part of their recovery
Struggling with mental health: substituting self harm with tattoo sessions, giving them something to look forward to each month

If they weren’t paying you, they would be paying someone else so there’s no conflict there. At least you care!

Sorry is body but not his finances - they need to be joint imo for this very reason. He can’t actually afford tattoos but is anyway - what do you mean ‘gives you’. You both should have the equal amount of monthly spending money and anything is else is for joint family expenses.

i hope you realise @LiviaDrusillaAugusta that this is just your opinion. It might be a very fashionable opinion these days but it’s not actually a fact. I do actually have a say over my partners body and he has over mine. And there is nothing you can do about that

I would be fuming, mainly because of the cost. But also, if I had reached the point where I thought he looked terrible. It would be a hard line in the sand for me, that it stops, or we are done

These tattoos cost hundreds. It isn’t his money. It is their money

You absolutely do if you are about to spend hundreds of pounds of family money. And it is also called basic respect. I wouldn’t dye my hair pink without asking my husband if he would like it

Think you have answered your question. He is being very unreasonable, selfish, and you no longer fancy him. Sooner you leave the happier you will be

He does work yes but gives me less than he spends on tattoos. Which is hurtful. This week is week before pay day so what’s left is for fuel for school runs and food for a week. He’s spent more on tattoos today than my weekly fuel & food shop 😢
my nails are a mess, my hair needs doing, my eyebrows need doing i need new clothes & shoes but I don’t care. That’s luxury and will happen after pay day. This week my priority is food & petrol 😢

I’m not sure about your financial setup. But this sounds unequal, unsustainable and incredibly unfair to you and your children.

The comment about “2 years ago” is worrying to me as well. Have you had a calm but brutally honest conversation about this? “We can barely afford fuel and food. But you are spending money on tattoos instead of your children?”

I probably wouldn’t focus on eyebrows and nails, seeing as those are probably in a similar category as tattoos in his opinion. But food, clothes, fuel? Those are essentials. He should prioritise that!

(and no, I wouldn’t be attracted to somebody with those kinds of tattoos. Or a large amount of tattoos in general. But the horse has already bolted, so that’s that…

edit: I would prepare myself for this talk to go quite badly, unfortunately. Do you have some savings (savings he can’t access etc.)? Is there someone you can talk to (IRL) and trust?

It seems we are in complete agreement then. Like you, I too do not judge others on their choices. I too, also like you, have my own opinions and I also think that many so-called beauty treatments look hideous. So, we are of like mind. 😊