AIBU to feel upset there are no photos of my proposal?

[KatieHW]

DP proposed to me a couple of weeks ago. I feel really sad he didn’t arrange for anyone to capture this, there’s no photos let alone videos. I have said to him in the past that if I was to ever get engaged then it would be important for me to be able to look back on it in the future. When I put in my friends group chat I was engaged they all asked to see what happened and it was embarrassing to say DP didn’t think of this.

DS and DD also got engaged in the last couple of years. They have selfies.

And that wasn’t good enough? Oh my God this poor man. I hope he realises in good time what his life is going to be like and runs for the hills. Taking selfies on the way of course.

Trust me love, no one is that interested in your life and it’s just fuelling some misplaced competitiveness and gossiping amongst your friends to even provide something like this.

There are so many things in this world you could be getting worked up about at the moment. This really isn't one of them.

Just because it is in 'the modern times' doesn't make it right. Many of us are in our 20s or 30s, and disagree with you. You could just be grateful you have the memories and are engaged instead of being shallow. It does seem self-absorbed to me and makes me wonder if you are really wanting to be married to him or just want to be engaged and have a big wedding for show. If getting photos for instagram was important to you and not being proposed to, to the extent you are still thinking about not having photos then you really need to get your priorities right.

Exactly. It's not going to last, because as you said these types of people are not in it for the actual marriage, only the instagram 'wedding'. Hopefully the poor guy will escape before the day. I love my partner so much I couldn't care less if he proposed outside in the rain in a puddle. But that's the difference between loving someone so much you don't give a f how they propose, and being so shallow and narcissistic you need the 'instagram performance'.

This.

Your partner took you to Rome to get engaged and your f*cking moaning about him like he’s a thoughtless wetwipe? Shocking that he didn’t fly out someone to record it for you.

grow up.

I got engaged in Rome, 8 years ago, not a single person asked to see a video of it happening.

Grow up. My first husband proposed while we were sat at home eating our dinner. It was about 32 years ago and I still remember it because it meant so much. My second husband proposed while we were out for a walk.

I hope that poor man runs for the hills. Only just got engaged and you're already disappointed in him.

I don’t have any photos of my engagement as well, moreover my DH had a hole in his jacket pocket and when he kneeled down he couldn’t find the ring. It fell deep into his jacket and we had to find and retrieve it together, not exactly the most romantic proposal. But our marriage is wonderful, 11 years later and it just getting better each year. Don’t worry about it- it’s between two of you. Show them the photos of the ring. Congratulations!

Why am I not surprised that it is an abroad hen do?

Looking forward to the drama for this.

😁

With respect, I think you need to change your expectations and let this go. Perhaps it was too difficult for him to do it or or orchestrate. It's not that easy to sort out in another country.

But regardless, it is coming across as princesessy behaviour. Whilst you are disappointed - I'd put something like this in the box of mildly disappointed and moved on swiftly. It's not like he didn't turn up to the birth of your baby or went out on a bender and was late for your wedding. Failure to photograph a proposal does not equal shitty behaviour and if you're putting him in that category for this small thing, that does not bode well for your marriage.

Also, if he missed photographing it, couldn't you just have staged one two minutes later for your memories?

I dread to think what your mates will demand when you announce you’re pregnant 😳

With nobody allowed to wear white!

It’s got nothing to do with ‘standards’ and ‘knowing your worth’. Are you saying that anyone who didn’t have a photographer at their proposal isn’t as worthy as you?

You sound like the typical instagram generation. Pics or it didn’t happen.
As much as you say the photos weren’t for social media, I would hazard a guess that they would certainly wind up there for all your adoring followers to see how loved you are and how thoughtful and romantic your partner is.
Get a grip.

Social media is one of the worst things to have ever happened to society. It’s created a society of vacuous show-offs who have lost sight of what life is actually about.

Oh FFS. Get a grip of yourself. Poor lad should run a mile

Poor bloke.

You are being ridiculous, maybe step away from instagram for a bit?

How old are you op? You are talking as if those who got engaged 20+ years ago are ancient and completely out of touch! I’ve been married 20 years, I’m early 40s so wouldn’t exactly consider myself over the hill! If my husband had arranged photos of my engagement I would have left him then and there. Can’t think of anything I’d want less than a photographer at a private moment. Obviously we are all different and want different things, but it is to your partners credit that he wanted this as a private moment. Sounds like a lovely proposal, describe it to your friends with pride.

I really don’t get what this has to do with this thread. It’s about someone else. The other thread is ludicrous, totally agree.

If you’re still reading the replies, I think it’s a shame a lot of people keep commenting on their interpretation that you want these images for social media (instagram, facebook, or even to put in your private group chat) as you explicitly said you wanted these for yourself/to put up around the house.

I think it’s very normal to want (and to have) images around the house or in albums of more or less private moments or occasions that someone present has taken. So, in that you’re not unreasonable.

BUT the idea of these pictures having had to come from a third party photographer arranged by your fiancé is the issue I think. You could have selfies and still have images to remember the moment. You could frame these in your house if you wanted. My framed wedding photo in my house is a selfie my DH took at our venue.

You don’t need professional photos of this moment, and being sad or embarrassed about not having them is unreasonable and I hope you haven’t expressed this your now fiancé.

Unfortunately unless your fiance had arranged anyone to film or take photos it will be a lovely memory, celebrities seem to do the filming and the photos.

If you don't consider people older than you to be 'the type to understand', perhaps you could have mentioned that upfront so us crinklies wouldn't have wasted keystrokes replying to you. How bloody rude. And I have to say at this point I'm feeling really sorry for your DH-to-be. He took you to Rome to propose and you're throwing your toys out of the pram because your friends were surprised there wasn't a camera pointing at you at the time? Just wow.

The vote was overwhelmingly YABU, to the point where it presumably reflects the views of some who you do consider young enough to have a valid opinion, and I suspect you're feeling stung about this. If you just wanted people to agree with you, well that's backfired hasn't it and I suspect that's why you're attempting to write the results off as people being too old to understand. You don't sound at all open to hearing other perspectives on this so I honestly don't know why you posted an AIBU.

What are you going to be like if you have kids, are you going to live stream the birth? A camcorder permanently set up when your DC get a bit older, maybe, in case their first words, first steps etc aren't 'captured' for all time?

I thought you were being spoilt before, I now think you're being a brat. Grow up.

Oops. Caught out there. 😊😂

Please don’t marry this man.

Do you and your friends all call each other hun and babe?

Don’t forget to book the videographer for the wedding night. You can’t have a wedding night with no footage to show everyone. Remember, this is 2026 not 1976, everything must be filmed and photographed for your mates or it didn’t happen.