AIBU to feel upset there are no photos of my proposal?

[KatieHW]

DP proposed to me a couple of weeks ago. I feel really sad he didn’t arrange for anyone to capture this, there’s no photos let alone videos. I have said to him in the past that if I was to ever get engaged then it would be important for me to be able to look back on it in the future. When I put in my friends group chat I was engaged they all asked to see what happened and it was embarrassing to say DP didn’t think of this.

Don’t forget to just post the photo on its own so
people can you why are you at the hospital, hun.

Are you saying you wanted a third party there taking photos/film of the proposal?

Absolutely not, it’s a private moment between two people. I hate it when I’m in a public place and someone proposes, it makes me cringe.

I understand wanting pictures and videos in a way, but I think a lot of men wouldn’t see it like that. If you really want a video or photo, you could recreate it and no one but you will ever know. If that’s really important to you, then that’s what I would do.

I will say though, my SIL wanted a photographer and my brother obliged… she hated all the photos. She got quite emotional during the proposal and that sometimes doesn’t make for the perfect pic. Maybe staged is better if you want an “instagramable” photo.

I can’t say I understand the whole thing, DH and I didn’t really get engaged we just sort of… started planning a wedding. I did get an engagement ring three years after we got married and to be honest it’s way better than what I would have got at the time so I’m happy with that. But, if I did want my engagement photographed so I had something nice to post, staged is probably the better way to go about it.

Maybe OP isn’t so much getting married as getting weddinged.

Honestly when Dh proposed I wouldn’t have wanted an audience, it’s an intimate moment when someone says “I love you enough to want to spend the rest of my life with you”.

My ex husband proposed to me in the pub. I was very happy, subsequent divorce notwithstanding, I've never even considered the fact that there even could have been photos. Just enjoy the lovely bubble of being newly engaged. Congratulations.

Turn him down. He deserves better

A romantic proposal sounds like enough to me without a photographer and videographer.

Although you did ask him to make photos and videos a part of the engagement ahead of time, so from that perspective it makes sense that he would.

Have you told him you asked for photos and videos? What did he say? Maybe the request wasn’t as clear as you think and he didn’t realise this was something you really wanted.

If he’s already disappointing you do not marry him.

She got the same 99% she was U as this thread. I think maybe OP is the 1% voting she isn’t it. 😂

I think your DP probably didn’t realise you were being very serious about needing photos of the moment considering he’d bought a ring and surprised you with a trip to Rome, which probably took enough thought, money and planning without then booking a professional photographer to follow you around.

I would be very disappointed in my partner if they felt this way and I’d be telling them it’s a photo of their finger or they can book and pay for a special engagement shoot themself because I’d done enough!

Eh?
it was emailed to me by MN - wth does your comment have to do with it? 🤷🏼
Same wording, similar situation…read the posts since this was learned.

Then it will make sense 😊

Dh and I got engaged at a table for 8 in Wong Kei’s Chinese restaurant in London, where you end up sharing with complete strangers. We were eating crab, so were very messy, and it just happened, completely unplanned. We have been married almost 34 years, and I still remember it fondly, without a single photograph.

If @KatieHW is the OP from the other thread - and there are startling similarities - I would repeat my advice from that thread - she needs to stop valuing shallow, SM attention above the very real, thoughtful deeds of her partner (who sounds lovely). In fact, even if she isn’t the OP from that thread, it is still good advice, imo.

Then you have said ' no, ask me again when there's a photographer present' 🙄

Yes, you are being wholly unreasonable.

If you wanted a photo, why didn't you get your phone and take one at the time?

There's nothing wrong with having a photo if you want one, but it's hardly important - the important thing is that you've agreed to marry the person you love.

If you're going to get 'disappointed' with him over something minor like this, I think you need to consider the part you're going to play in this marriage - quibbling at him over small things, or being cross because he fails to facilitate an Instagram-perfect version of your life for social media.

Why not start a journal of your wedding preparations - I mean in a book that will be a lasting, personal memento - you can open with a description of the proposal and then write about everything else as it happens. That will be a much nicer thing to have when you're in your 90s than a load of online pictures.

My DD recently had to endure a long car journey with two people who had been together for several years and who had just bought a house together. The woman, 20-something, spent the car journey describing in detail how she wanted the man, 20-something, to propose and what the ring should be like. DD had had her suspicions that the woman was controlling and we both felt for the man, who has been very gentle and lovely since he was a baby. To our amazement, the woman has ended the relationship. The man doesn't want to talk about it so we don't know why.

Anyway, the moral might be: 'fur coat and no knickers', in this case as in the OP's.

My point was that it’s not a private moment if someone is photographing it. How can it be? Private means just the two of you.

Agree, and also sounds like the same poster who wasn't happy that the home cooked food she was promised by her date consisted of a jar of curry sauce bought from Lidl no less. Similar style, know your worth etc.

Edit to add link to thread
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5525303-am-i-being-harsh-to-finish-with-my-date-over-his-home-cooked-dinner?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

You are worth it.

My husband proposed to me on what I thought was our walk home. (We were in a foreign country, it was late.) But he had planned it, had a ring etc. We took one or two blurry selfies after. That was enough! 😁 A proposal isn’t really something you frame 😁

You can just remember it? I got engaged two years ago and couldn’t imagine anything worse than a proper photographer being there why does everyone want to pretend to be a minor celebrity now. Was the proposal nice is the ring nice? Surely that is what is important the fact you are embarrassed is so awful your poor partner

What an absolute bastard.

I remember that.
That was pathetic too!

grow up