AIBU to say no to grandparents taking children abroad?

[Melissax90]

Hi everyone
I am looking for some options on something.
I have a DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) and my in-laws have asked my opinion on letting them take them abroad on their own, specifically to Spain. I wholeheartedly trust them completely and know they would be completely safe but still for me it is a hard no. I don't like the idea of them being in a different country especially if they needed me and I couldn't get there quickly.
My partner has said its completely my decision but he seemed quite open to the idea and although he hasn't said it I think he might feel I am being unreasonable.
So just for piece of mind, what does everyone think?
My decision is no and won't change but I'm just intrigued to see others options
x

I would not have let anyone take my kids abroad. You are not wrong op.

I wouldn’t allow it either and my kids are 11 and 8.

@Melissax90 It would be a definite no from me.

I wouldn’t be abroad without my DC and I wouldn’t allow them to be abroad without me.

Would the answer be the same if it were your parents asking?

Yes, they’d be safe but they’re too young to be away from their parents. I’m sure the GPs think they could cope, but if a 3-year old wants their mum in the middle of the night what will they do? Why is no one stopping to think how the children would feel being away from their mum? (I never understand why GPs want the kids on their own?)

I wouldn't even contemplate my young children in a different country to me.

No. I think they're BU to want to take such young children to a different country, away from their parents. YANBU to say no.

Are they mad? Or have they forgotten what a total nightmare a holiday with a 3 and 5 year old can be?!

Where did I say they can't afford it? I haven't mentioned money!! So how can I have clearly said they can't afford it? There can be many reasons why people can't give the same opportunities, e.g due to disability, physical health, mental health etc.

I didn't say they can't afford it. I haven't mentioned money. There can be lots of physical health, mental health, disabilities, carer responsibilities, work commitments, etc that prevent people from giving their children particular opportunities, not just money. I didn't even mention money. You have made that assumption.

I'm all for having a break from kids and have been away for weekends when mine was a baby/toddler but the idea of being in a separate country without me or their dad does make me a bit nervous
I'm just thinking about when COVID hit and people stuck wanting to get home

Hard no from me

If your son can go to Florida with you and his son, and another European city, he can go to the other big places you mentioned 🤷‍♀️

No it wouldn't, it would be a never if my parents asked. I trust my IL way more than my parents.

This is another reason why I wont allow it, my DC are very attached to me, especially DD who currently co sleeps and she will shout for me when she wakes up.

Maybe they just haven't thought about it enough. Don't get me wrong they are incrediblely close to my DC but it would still be hard for them and I would hate to think they were upset asking for me and I wasnt there

A little young for me at the moment but assuming they have a good relationship with their grandparents then maybe from 8/9+ when they properly understand the concept of going away for a week.

I’m very close to DM, she picks DS up from school once a week (her choice, we don’t need her to), and DS and I go on holiday with her at least once a year (our extended family do a ski trip, and the three of us usually do a short UK break). DS usually stays at DMs by himself for a couple of days over the summer holidays. And DS is 9, not 3.

I STILL wouldn’t be happy about them going out of the country without me. I wouldn’t be happy about DS going abroad with anyone except DH, tbh. Maybe the school, at a push (secondary age will be fine, primary seems a bit young).

Added to which… I LOVE holidays with my children. It’s a wonderful time in being a parent IMO. So why would you even want to miss that?!

Wait until they are older (maybe 8 and 10) and confident swimmers.

That’s a bit young for me, I’d be saying no.

🤣🤣the eldest would almost be at an age to go with his mates!

It'd be a hard no from me.

I haven't been asked permission by the ILs to do this yet but they have floated it a few times and I've always awkwardly laughed and changed the subject. If they ever officially ask me,.I will remind them about the time a few years ago when they were supposed to be looking after my 3 year old and had taken him to the High Street for some shopping. I.happened to need to pop into the High Street and I saw FIL with DS outside a shop which MIL was in. In the minute or so that it took me to walk up to them, FIL was absorbed in his phone watching Tiktoks the entire time while DS was a good 10 metres away from him, just standing there free for anyone to scoop him up and run. I can see that being a daily occurrence in bloody Spain!

The pool risk would also worry me to death. I hear too many horror stories of kids coming to harm under the negligent care of grandparents

A bit young IMO for reasons PP have mentioned.

My parents are taking DS away this summer but he’s 9 and a confident swimmer and very happy to go. They’ve done shorter UK trips with him already and I know they can cope.

conversely there is an argument for not leaving it too long as even tweens could be too much for some GPs but it’s entirely individual.

Well, no it isn’t. The OP and others have said the issue is being in a different country to their children!

I took my 9yr-old GC to Spain without mum but I'd sort of co-parented from 18 months when dad moved out. We'd also all been to the same hotel before so knew what to expect. It went well and we Skyped every evening and sent pics. Previously, I'd already taken GC to stay in Brighton and Norfolk, just the 2 of us, which paved the way. Would your in-laws do that first in a couple of years perhaps? What they're suggesting is much too early imo.