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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say no to grandparents taking children abroad?

137 replies

Melissax90 · 08/05/2026 17:57

Hi everyone
I am looking for some options on something.
I have a DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) and my in-laws have asked my opinion on letting them take them abroad on their own, specifically to Spain. I wholeheartedly trust them completely and know they would be completely safe but still for me it is a hard no. I don't like the idea of them being in a different country especially if they needed me and I couldn't get there quickly.
My partner has said its completely my decision but he seemed quite open to the idea and although he hasn't said it I think he might feel I am being unreasonable.
So just for piece of mind, what does everyone think?
My decision is no and won't change but I'm just intrigued to see others options
x

OP posts:
PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 20:49

Interesting to read the responses here. I am a grandparent and frequently take my grandson on several holidays a year. Not abroad yet, but we do go off to the Highlands and we live near London so it's a long way. The only reason we haven't been abroad yet is because I have a motorhome, so that's our thing right now, and I don't have enough annual leave to do trips abroad and all the UK holidays too. Parents are very keen for me to take the child to Florida, Europe, Asia at some point as they will never be able to give him those opportunities and they really want him to have access to these world experiences. We have all been saying we need to sort out a passport so we can travel, and discussing places I might take him for several years now. Thankfully both parents are excited and grateful for any opportunities I might give him.

Cheese55 · 08/05/2026 20:59

Doesn't he miss his mum?

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:00

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 20:49

Interesting to read the responses here. I am a grandparent and frequently take my grandson on several holidays a year. Not abroad yet, but we do go off to the Highlands and we live near London so it's a long way. The only reason we haven't been abroad yet is because I have a motorhome, so that's our thing right now, and I don't have enough annual leave to do trips abroad and all the UK holidays too. Parents are very keen for me to take the child to Florida, Europe, Asia at some point as they will never be able to give him those opportunities and they really want him to have access to these world experiences. We have all been saying we need to sort out a passport so we can travel, and discussing places I might take him for several years now. Thankfully both parents are excited and grateful for any opportunities I might give him.

not abroad

SodOffbacktoaibu · 08/05/2026 21:07

@PurpleCoo have you ever given your son/daughter a gift of some money for a family holiday?

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:14

Parents are very keen for me to take the child to Florida, Europe, Asia at some point as they will never be able to give him those opportunities and they really want him to have access to these world experiences.

this is sad. Perhaps you could pay for them to go @PurpleCoo on a big holiday with their child

notacooldad · 08/05/2026 21:17

We used to go to France with nan and grandad in the late 60s right up to the tee years.
We ( me brother and sister) absolutely loved it.

Op you do you, bit we have fantastic memories of being with nan and grandad.
My kids liked going away with my mum and dad as well.

It looks like times have changed with people saying the children are too young and wait until they are teens.
The bonding is done when kids are small and holidays are a great time to relax and have fun.
Me and my siblings still laugh at my grandad trying to be strict and nan always over ruling him and nan letting us have extra treats. On the second to last day we would go and choose souvenir presents for mum.and dad!
Great memories!!

Eddie16 · 08/05/2026 21:18

I went to the Dominican Repubic with my parents with my 8 year old daughter. I had to have my husbands permission to take her out of the country which involved a notary as he had to sign something that he was happy for his wife to take our daughter out of the country. This was 2024 but I wouldnt feel comfortable with any set of grandparents taking our daughter away to a different country. Overnight in the U.K is fine but not if it involves a plane.

Handrearedmagpie · 08/05/2026 21:19

I would say I'm laid back, with lovely parents & in laws but it would be a hard no from me at that age. Id happily do a joint holiday tho and let them take them out & about!;

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:25

Cheese55 · 08/05/2026 20:59

Doesn't he miss his mum?

Not sure if that is addressed to me or not?

He is too busy having fun! He loves our holidays, to the point where when there is a school holiday he asks his mum when I will be collecting him to go on holiday 🤣 Even if it's the Christmas holidays! He used to get upset if he facetimed his mum at bedtime when we first started going away, but he is self aware enough to come to the conclusion himself that it's better not to face time her (he has special needs so has some regulation difficulties, but can identify triggers and avoid them). But he enjoys chatting to her on messenger instead and will ask for my phone so he can message her (he types the messages himself). Or ask me to send her videos or photos of him doing stuff. And he often dictates things I need to tell her/show her.

He is always asked if he wants to go on holiday with me, and we plan the destination/roadtrip together. He usually asks when the next holiday will be, and asks when can we go back to places he has enjoyed.

likeafishneedsabike · 08/05/2026 21:30

Do you know what’s weird though? Taking young children abroad is a right undertaking. There’s a three year old who could get easily overwhelmed. I have no idea why the GPs would want to take that on. All that packing to make sure that all the right stuff is easily accessible, Are they playing at being mum and dad again?

AgnesMcDoo · 08/05/2026 21:31

Each their own but I let my parents take my eldest abroad when he was 4 and they all had a great time.

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:34

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:14

Parents are very keen for me to take the child to Florida, Europe, Asia at some point as they will never be able to give him those opportunities and they really want him to have access to these world experiences.

this is sad. Perhaps you could pay for them to go @PurpleCoo on a big holiday with their child

The parents aren't together. He lives with the mum (not my daughter). She has her own needs that mean it's difficult for her to do many activities outside of the house, so going on adventures and various other physical activities is my 'thing'. She wants me to do these things for him so he doesn't miss out on opportunities, it's not a case of just money, there are other reasons too.

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:35

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:34

The parents aren't together. He lives with the mum (not my daughter). She has her own needs that mean it's difficult for her to do many activities outside of the house, so going on adventures and various other physical activities is my 'thing'. She wants me to do these things for him so he doesn't miss out on opportunities, it's not a case of just money, there are other reasons too.

Show quote history

Your son has nothing to do with his own son?

canuckup · 08/05/2026 21:36

No way

It's 24/7, all hands on deck at that age, especially around swimming pools/deep water.

You can't trust them to be 100% committed to their safety. They'll be in 'holiday mode'.

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:37

notacooldad · 08/05/2026 21:17

We used to go to France with nan and grandad in the late 60s right up to the tee years.
We ( me brother and sister) absolutely loved it.

Op you do you, bit we have fantastic memories of being with nan and grandad.
My kids liked going away with my mum and dad as well.

It looks like times have changed with people saying the children are too young and wait until they are teens.
The bonding is done when kids are small and holidays are a great time to relax and have fun.
Me and my siblings still laugh at my grandad trying to be strict and nan always over ruling him and nan letting us have extra treats. On the second to last day we would go and choose souvenir presents for mum.and dad!
Great memories!!

Edited

This! I thought it's a perfectly normal thing for grandparents to take the grandchildren on holiday. It always used to be the case. So I am so surprised by the comments on here. I was often away with my grandma, and I thought it such a shame that my child didn't get holidays with his grandma (my mum) when he was a child, but she didn't drive and only went on older people's coach trips!

I think my grandchild's parents miss him, but are very glad of the break/respite

30mins · 08/05/2026 21:38

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 20:49

Interesting to read the responses here. I am a grandparent and frequently take my grandson on several holidays a year. Not abroad yet, but we do go off to the Highlands and we live near London so it's a long way. The only reason we haven't been abroad yet is because I have a motorhome, so that's our thing right now, and I don't have enough annual leave to do trips abroad and all the UK holidays too. Parents are very keen for me to take the child to Florida, Europe, Asia at some point as they will never be able to give him those opportunities and they really want him to have access to these world experiences. We have all been saying we need to sort out a passport so we can travel, and discussing places I might take him for several years now. Thankfully both parents are excited and grateful for any opportunities I might give him.

That’s sad… can’t articulate why .. but it’s sad to read you wouldn’t the child’s parents , your own adult child, to enjoy these kind of experiences as a family unit. I think you might feel close somehow by doing this, but it’s rubbish to be doleing trophy holiday that you say clearly the child’s parents cannot afford. - weird,

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:39

@PurpleCoo why don’t you take your son, his father, with you when you go to Asia, US etc with his son?

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:39

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:35

Your son has nothing to do with his own son?

Show quote history

Of course he does! Where did I say that he doesn't?

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:39

30mins · 08/05/2026 21:38

That’s sad… can’t articulate why .. but it’s sad to read you wouldn’t the child’s parents , your own adult child, to enjoy these kind of experiences as a family unit. I think you might feel close somehow by doing this, but it’s rubbish to be doleing trophy holiday that you say clearly the child’s parents cannot afford. - weird,

Show quote history

Totally agree

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:40

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:39

Of course he does! Where did I say that he doesn't?

Show quote history

So why not take him along if he’d never other be able to afford to take his child on these kind of holidays!!!

SallyAnnDrivesACar · 08/05/2026 21:43

5 and 3 are too young for me.

However, i don't fly and my son was asked to go to the USA with my parents to visit a DC and their children. I think he was 8 or 9 when I let him go... he went for 3 weeks!

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:44

30mins · 08/05/2026 21:38

That’s sad… can’t articulate why .. but it’s sad to read you wouldn’t the child’s parents , your own adult child, to enjoy these kind of experiences as a family unit. I think you might feel close somehow by doing this, but it’s rubbish to be doleing trophy holiday that you say clearly the child’s parents cannot afford. - weird,

Show quote history

The current holidays are in my van. I do invite my son to join us, but it doesn't work with his work pattern so we go on our own.

My son will hopefully be joining us when we go to Florida. I took him many times as a child and a young adult, so it's definitely something we all want to do together, to revisit thes places with the grandchild. Plus there is a Europe city break we all want to do together to see a certain famous building.

Soontobe60 · 08/05/2026 21:45

We are grandparents to children of similar ages. We look after them a lot, they sleep over and have done since they were babies but I would not want to take them abroad without their parents! What I would be open to is all of us going away and me and DH look after the kids whilst parents have some time to themselves.

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:45

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:44

The current holidays are in my van. I do invite my son to join us, but it doesn't work with his work pattern so we go on our own.

My son will hopefully be joining us when we go to Florida. I took him many times as a child and a young adult, so it's definitely something we all want to do together, to revisit thes places with the grandchild. Plus there is a Europe city break we all want to do together to see a certain famous building.

Show quote history

I was talking a out the massive holidays you said your grandchild’s parents wanted you to take him because they’d never be able to afford to take him

Cheese55 · 08/05/2026 21:46

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:37

This! I thought it's a perfectly normal thing for grandparents to take the grandchildren on holiday. It always used to be the case. So I am so surprised by the comments on here. I was often away with my grandma, and I thought it such a shame that my child didn't get holidays with his grandma (my mum) when he was a child, but she didn't drive and only went on older people's coach trips!

I think my grandchild's parents miss him, but are very glad of the break/respite

Show quote history

There's being glad of respite and someone taking my child away, and them having experiences without me. It would break my heart at that age.