AIBU to think my children would not care about £7 maintenance?

[SquishmallowsS]

AIBU to think my kids wouldn’t care if I cancelled £7 a week child maintenance?

My ex pays £7 a week maintenance for our children because he’s been on benefits for the last 10 years. Sometimes it’s even been nothing because of debts being taken from his benefits first.

I’m honestly tempted to cancel it because the amount feels more insulting than helpful. £7 a week between more than one child barely covers anything these days.

I mentioned this before and people said my kids would be upset in future if they found out I’d cancelled it. But I genuinely can’t imagine children growing up and being angry that their mum didn’t pursue £7 a week from their dad. Who even discusses those details with their children anyway? Apparently they will ‘resent’ me. I wouldn’t think most single parents even discuss maintenance with their children but perhaps i’m wrong?

I could understand it if we were living in real poverty and that £7 meant the difference between having food in the cupboard, the electric staying on, or being able to buy essentials. In those circumstances I can see why a child might later feel differently. Equally, if it was hundreds of pounds a month and the children genuinely missed out on things because that money wasn’t being paid, then I can understand why they might care as adults. But if their needs were otherwise taken care of and they had a stable upbringing, I honestly don’t see most children caring that their mum stopped chasing £7 a week.

Also, my own mum never claimed maintenance for me because my father wasn’t around, and I honestly don’t care. I never went without anything growing up, so it’s never been something I’ve felt upset or deprived about.

AIBU to think most kids wouldn’t care about this?

You're a joker, the money is for OP to look after the kids not to put in an ISA for them. And she is right it is insultingly low for him to only contribute £7 a week for 3 children, let me repeat that £7 A WEEK FOR 3 CHILDREN. WTF is she supposed to do with that? And he is being forced to do that. Oh sorry some posters suggested she use it to buy takeaway between Christmas and New Year 😂. Yeah that's what her kids are lacking in their lives.

The low standard on this thread is ridiculous.

@SquishmallowsS is doing all the care for the 3 children and looking after and paying for all their needs and you're telling her the £7 a week is not for her it's for the kids to decide, what rubbish.

Her children are not going to get upset as adults because mummy didn't put the insultingly low child maintenance that their useless father was forced to pay into an ISA for them because they are not ungrateful grabby entitled people like majority of the posters on this thread who can't get beyond "but it's £364 a year" like that's some life changing about of money.

Wrong it's money for OP to look after the children and she already does that. It's insulting to keep insisting that money is for her kids and it's for them to decide

I really wouldn’t cancel it at all. You’d enable him to walk away. My ex paid £7 CMS for years but then he met someone and they wanted to get a house so now he had to pay nearly £200 - which he can suddenly afford by getting a job for his new family idyll. Don’t make his life easier by cancelling a claim!!

Hes already walked away and I hope it stays that way so I don’t want any ties to him financial or otherwise, dont get me wrong if it was loads I’d claim it if it was worth it but £7 isnt holding anyone accountable

Exactly, and you have to be reminded of his uselessness every month when the princely sum of £28 pings into your account every month.

As you want to have as little to do with him as possible then maybe for your own peace of mind it would be better not to have it.

I would resent it as an adult if I learned my mum had just not bothered to get money that could have been saved for me, unless of course it was dangerous for her to get it or she saved her own money for me instead.

I wonder if keeping the claim open would flag to future partners that he has children if they look at his bank / benefits statements - a hindrance to him deceiving future partners might be worthwhile.

If you close it is he likely to try to contact you to make private arrangements to pay? May be less hassle to leave it alone / have it go into an account you don't look at often so you don't see the payments unless you go looking for them.

No he won’t, he does not think he should pay, it’s collect and pay because he refused. I have thought about future partners but at the end of the day we want no contact with him so wouldnt want a future partner promoting him to make contact.

I tried to have a private arrangement with him and he told me “you don’t have kids to get paid for it” he also convinced me once to close the claim as he would pay me more if I closed it. I closed it (as wasnt getting any money anyway) only he told me he doesn’t believe me so won’t be paying, I told him to contact them but he refused. I had to open a new claim (this was years ago)

Do you really want to be paying him £7 a week? Because that is what you would effectively be doing. Thats what would stop me, because he must pay and he is being forced to, against his will. No way would I make him £7 a week better off, and make him thrilled that he has got away with it.

No it isnt enough, yes it is a fucking joke but it isnt nothing at all. Thats why I said above that I would save it up and use it for treating myself with. The kids dont need his money, but I bet you could do with treating yourself occasionally.

Honestly they won't care - and if they do care after you brought them up single handedly with what sounds like a lovely life that is very much a them problem and I would wonder what had gone wrong to make them have such a warped view they would be resentful you hadn't saved £7 a week for them, especially if you have three and that would be split three ways anyway.

Some people are obsessed with money and what's theirs, you only need to read some of the inheritance threads on here to realise!

He sounds like a twat, you sound like a great mum.

He is laughing that hes got away with it? He deliberately doesn’t work so he only pays minimal, you really think an absent dad would be wounded at only having to pay £7 a week?

Thank you

You are missing my point, by not taking it you are GIVING him money every week. Do you really want to do that?!

Difficult one OP. Personally, I wouldn’t close it seeing as it’s coming out of his benefits. It’s just being paid to you so why miss out, even if it’s minimal 🤷‍♀️ My ex has got two liability orders for unpaid child maintenance so I know how frustrating all this is.

He sounds awful. In these particular circumstances I would stop the money. The less you have anything to do with him the better.

She’s probably beyond caring. He sounds so awful I wouldn’t want anything from him either. I got good child support from my ex but I would loved to have not needed it.

I can see that but for me, who had an equally useless twat of an ex, there was no way I was going to make his life any easier, when he had made mine so hard.

Its not much but I would rather that "not much" was in my pocket and not his. £7 a week is sod all the OP but if he is living on benefits then he isnt living the high life, so proportionally it is a lot more to him. No way would I be saying "OK, keep it" no way on earth.

He sounds awful.

Personally, I’d keep receiving whatever was sent and keep it for kids when they’re older.

Will they resent it stopping? I guess that depends on what they’re told and by whom. They may be a bit miffed that a small amount of savings could have been there to help with driving or a deposit etc. but equally they may never know.

I don’t think anyone I know has really discussed specifics of maintenance with their children.

He gets pip and deliberately doesnt work so he doesn’t have to pay, when I last saw him he had the latest iPhone and designer clothes so I really doubt he is living a life of misery.

It's not your money so irrelevant if they would resent it or not. Its theirs. It's your role to ensure they get everything they are entitled to - and as others said if you don't want to deal with it put it away in a savings account.

Doesnt sound like it, but do you want to give him that money, because thats what you would be doing.

I got stitched up when I got divorced 20+ years ago as agreed that I’d accept the support figure agreed by the CSA. ExBloodyH proceeded to put all his income through his business and I got £ 10 per child (3) per week; didn’t cover their school dinner money.

I wouldn't cancel it, yes its a pitiful amount per week and i can understand why it feels insulting but if you pop it into a savings account for them it can add up over the year and maybe pay for a couple of days out or go towards a holiday