AIBU to think my children would not care about £7 maintenance?

[SquishmallowsS]

AIBU to think my kids wouldn’t care if I cancelled £7 a week child maintenance?

My ex pays £7 a week maintenance for our children because he’s been on benefits for the last 10 years. Sometimes it’s even been nothing because of debts being taken from his benefits first.

I’m honestly tempted to cancel it because the amount feels more insulting than helpful. £7 a week between more than one child barely covers anything these days.

I mentioned this before and people said my kids would be upset in future if they found out I’d cancelled it. But I genuinely can’t imagine children growing up and being angry that their mum didn’t pursue £7 a week from their dad. Who even discusses those details with their children anyway? Apparently they will ‘resent’ me. I wouldn’t think most single parents even discuss maintenance with their children but perhaps i’m wrong?

I could understand it if we were living in real poverty and that £7 meant the difference between having food in the cupboard, the electric staying on, or being able to buy essentials. In those circumstances I can see why a child might later feel differently. Equally, if it was hundreds of pounds a month and the children genuinely missed out on things because that money wasn’t being paid, then I can understand why they might care as adults. But if their needs were otherwise taken care of and they had a stable upbringing, I honestly don’t see most children caring that their mum stopped chasing £7 a week.

Also, my own mum never claimed maintenance for me because my father wasn’t around, and I honestly don’t care. I never went without anything growing up, so it’s never been something I’ve felt upset or deprived about.

AIBU to think most kids wouldn’t care about this?

Absolutely - the amount of time and energy spent on this if directed towards other endeavours would net a lot more than 7pounds. No one disagrees that it is pathetic and their dad sounds like a waste of oxygen, but if you want to cancel, just go ahead and do it - the world may not agree with you, but it’s obviously impacting you hugely, so let it go if you desire.

Given some of your other threads, I am surprised a share of over £6.5k ‘won’t make a difference’.

Did I say that wouldn’t make a difference, I said it’s not for saving I don’t want to save it it’s for daily living costs and no £7 doesnt make a difference I don’t even notice it!! What does that buy kids? An ice cream a week each. It’s not for saving its child maintenance not adult maintenance.

If you think 6.5 k divided by kids not one kid (and it isn’t even anywhere near that amount as he didn’t pay for 3 years because he owed debts so they wouldn’t take any money from him) is a lot for their entire childhood then I don’t know what to tell you, but it isn’t. I don’t notice the money touch my account. If I wanted to save it I would but that’s not what it’s for, it’s maintaining the child’s living expenses since he has no contact thats food, electricity, gas, school uniform, clothes, hair cuts, school trips, school dinners, pocket money, clubs and hobbies, bus fare to school, could go on..

Yes, you did say it won’t make a difference. Right there in your pp you said “Won’t make a difference to them as their life will be the same if I claim it or not.”

£7pw is a tiny amount. It should be more. But, given your other threads, it is surprising over £6.5k overall ‘won’t make a difference’.

I know it is more than one child. Hence saying ‘a share of’.

I didn’t say it was a lot. But it is more than they otherwise would have.

You know what it does, it makes a massive difference i honestly wouldnt be able to bring them up without it, im so grateful for the pocket change he sends us as the kids wouldnt be able to eat if he didn’t

I can save £7 a week myself for them. It’s not exactly challenging and I already have my own savings for them.

No-one has said that. You may be able to save £7pw. That doesn’t change the fact it is surprising a four figure sum wouldn’t make a difference.

Maybe no one should get maintenance? Maybe it should all go in a trust fund for the children and then they get it when they are adults? Since thats what im apparently meant to do. Lots of NRP fathers think their exes shouldn’t get the money and it should be saved for them when they are adults, I suspect most people would be against this?

If it means so little, why have you been going on about it for a couple of months??

You're adamant you don't want it and you were adamant last time so what's the point of the thread?

No-one has said that.

I think people on here obviously want me to say it means a lot and makes all the difference? Strange.

No-one has said that.

well both things can be true. 30 a month roughly for even 1 child, let alone however many you have is pathetic. on the other hand, why shouldn't he lose that money towards his kids. if you don't need it, and it isn't going towards anything that's supporting people, that's why people are saying save it for them. not because it's such a generous allowance it'll change their futures. but because if it goes out into savings the day it comes in, will you at least spent less time resenting him, for your sake bot his

I would put it into an account that you don't touch. You've done the right thing
when it's decent do something fun with it

I don’t know why you’re being so
belligerent over this, OP. Why waste your energy? I don’t think you should be grateful and I don’t think anyone has said that, those saying it’s better than nothing probably just mean it’s better in your pocket than his. Of course it doesn’t mean a lot and makes no difference as it’s a pittance, but just take it anyway and then forget about it. Find out if you can opt out of the notifications about it so it doesn’t wind you up every month (if you can’t opt out just block the number/email).

You just choose to ignore everyone agreeing that £7 a week is obviously not enough. Pretty much everyone is in agreement that it’s not a good amount. However, it’s more than zero so even if you do just spend it on ice cream then why not?? And nobody says you SHOULD save it but it’s an option!!! You say you are already saving for them, why not add the £30 a week to the savings. Why does that trigger you so much?? What did you expect from this thread? Honestly you seem hell bent on hating anyone giving you practical advice. Sigh

No one is saying that. Every single post is agreeing with you that its crap, insignificant in the daily run of things and frankly insulting but you can EITHER get some tiny satisfaction of not claiming it or do the practical.thing and let it slowly accumulate.

Thats not true at all, theres been multiple post saying “thats £364 a year!” (Which actually isnt a lot at all) and thats £6000 over 18 years, which like I said it isn’t anywhere near that amount as he often doesn’t have to pay due to priority debts.

I have said it is over £6.5k over 18 years. That doesn’t mean I think it is an acceptable amount. I have said it isn’t enough. Even if DC’s DF doesn’t pay all the time, it is still extra money DC would have, which given some of your previous threads, will still benefit them. And even with the 3 years of not paying you mentioned, it would still be 18 years since you have multiple DC with gaps between their ages, and, like I said, even if it isn’t 18yrs, it is still extra money DC would benefit from.

£5400 plus interest will be useful for you to gift them. Put it in an ISA and don’t look at it. £1,800 to cover car insurance each or whatever, or an 18th birthday gift.

Just send it into their child trust fund accounts - or set up a savings account and leave it at that.

You need to ask yourself honestly why you're thinking of doing this.

Because it sounds a bit petty. It sounds like you're finding little ways you can cut their dad out of their life just because you don't like him, which is pretty appalling.

If he doesn't always pay and that's a pain in the arse I wouldnt waste time and energy chasing it up, but YABU to cut it out entirely - i can't see who benefits and it's certainly not the kids. As a PP pointed out this would add up to quite a sum over the kids entire childhood.

Hes already done that, he has no contact and hasnt in 3 years, he also doesn’t pay willingly so please don’t try to make it sound like its off his own back, it’s collect and pay taken before he even sees it