AIBU to make DS16 reports sexual messages sent from his phone?

[BusyJoker]

DS (year 12) has been tutoring a year 9 girl for about a year. He told me that someone stole his phone without his knowledge during sixth form today and started mass sending sexual messages to all the girls in his contacts on snapchat. One of the people that was messaged is the year 9 girl DS is tutoring saying something along the lines of "Do you want to hook up I'm horny." DS was friends with the person before the incident and the person did it as a "joke". I encouraged DS to inform his school about this situation but he is refusing to do so as he doesn't want to be seen as a snitch by others and is saying his friend did a joke that crossed the line. What should I do? What action will the sixth form take against the pupil likely if informed?

I was tutored as a 14 year old by a 17 year old boy, and would have been very distressed to have received such a message, and would have stopped going to the sessions. He won't work as a tutor again if he doesn't address it.

Does he think it's normal and acceptable for girls to receive such messages?

Im a social worker
How old is he? How old is the year 9 girl ?In the messaging did he or his friend ask her to send indecent images (‘nudes’)

I hope the poor girls parents report this to the police.

Obviously it was your son who sent the message else he would be absolutely mortified and want to report it himself to clear his name.

What a creep.

By doing nothing you are not acting in the best interests of your own child. As a child he doesn't understand the extremely long term consequences of this.

E.g. Being on the sex offenders register limits his life and career options, his future partners may be told, and it could affect his relationship with his future children.
https://www.nacro.org.uk/nacro-services/criminal-record-support/advice-for-individuals/sex-offences-shpo-mappa/advice-for-people-on-the-sex-offender-register/

Me too.

You’re being VERY naive here OP. I definitely think your son sent those messages, not his ‘friend’, although tbf, boys can be incredibly stupid and immature and I could definitely see them doing this. If it truly was his friend, then he needs to report this immediately, the consequences for your son here are huge. I don’t understand how you can’t see that?

Why does he have a year 9 girl he’s tutoring on snap?

When I was in sixth form I used to tutor, and the parents had my number. No way would I have had a child on Snapchat. Super fucking weird.

He needs to first send a message to all his girl contacts saying it wasn't him that sent the first message and apologise profusely and explain that someone else got access to his phone. That may nip the worst of it in the bud. If the school get complaints then he will have to drop his 'friend' in it, does the friend realise how serious this is? He is going to have some very embarrassing meetings with girls he knows!

Suggesting a hook up isn't up there with sending a dick pic or asking for intimate photos, I'm not sure he would end up on a sex offenders list just for that, surely just a slap on the wrist, if they don't believe his story.

the girls parents need to be informed immediately. Imagine how she might be feeling getting that message from a person who has power over her. This is very serious and you are minimising it. None of the women in his phone should have been subjected to this message but certainly not just a young girl. If i was this girls parents I would be reporting your ds to the school and he risks being asked to be spoken to by the police. You have to take this out of his hands now and report to his school.

I think the reason OP is being so blasé is because deep down she knows her DS actually sent those messages. It’s so wildly unbelievable; his phone would be sat on his desk during a lesson and it would be unlocked long enough for someone to swipe it (they self lock after 30 seconds) and he just happened to not see it.

Why has he got a pupil he’s tutoring on Snapchat anyway?

I think he knows exactly what he’s done and is now panicking, and deep down you probably know too which is why you’re being so blasé about the seriousness of the whole thing. @BusyJoker

You need to get ahead of this. If the girl reports it and she should he’s going to be in BIG trouble.
How else do we stop girls being harassed like this?
if I was the girls parents and found out - which they will - I would go NUCLEAR on this.

Oh, and BTW - I think it was probably him too, and he’s shitting himself that it’s going to come out.

As an adult who is aware of what has happened you need to report this irrespective of what your son thinks. As a child he is clearly showing his immaturity

He’s needs to stop tutoring that child - she’s not safe with him.

It is if it’s sent to a 14yo - don’t minimise this.

He’s not a child. He’s in year 12. The message was sent to a child

Why doesn’t your son have a password on his phone? Tell him to put one to prevent his friend doing it again.

He either reports this other boy or takes the fall out for it himself.

Peer on peer abuse is also a huge safeguarding flag, and there isn’t automatic immunity because he’s 17 rather than 18; if she’s in y9 she’s 3 years younger?

you need to call the school in the morning and tell them what’s happened. Its best for your son to get ahead of anything and, just as importantly, the school need to be aware of this ‘friend’ as if this is what he’s doing it’s very likely that sexual harassment is a problem in the school more widely and they should take that seriously.

I thought on MN anyone under 18 is most certainly designated a child and cant tie their own shoe laces, and anyone under 25 doesnt know what they're doing anyway

Ultimately, this was a stupid text sent (by him no doubt), its not sexual, its not abusive and he isnt going to end up on a sex offenders register based on what OP says.

The title says he is 16. He is very much a child and therefore the OP as an adult should take responsibility of reporting

Def report. This is serious. And yes sure the girls parents will be aware

I think your son sent the messages.

Yeah I'm in the camp that your son did this himself. If he won't report it he's guilty.

I’m interested in you not wanting to contact the school on his behalf. I have a DS the same age and I would 100% be contacting them and wouldn’t give a shit about the repercussions for the other boy who tried to get my DS into shit. If the 14 yo girl tells her parents, he will be in deep trouble so he needs to get ahead of this before it happens.