AIBU to make DS16 reports sexual messages sent from his phone?

[BusyJoker]

DS (year 12) has been tutoring a year 9 girl for about a year. He told me that someone stole his phone without his knowledge during sixth form today and started mass sending sexual messages to all the girls in his contacts on snapchat. One of the people that was messaged is the year 9 girl DS is tutoring saying something along the lines of "Do you want to hook up I'm horny." DS was friends with the person before the incident and the person did it as a "joke". I encouraged DS to inform his school about this situation but he is refusing to do so as he doesn't want to be seen as a snitch by others and is saying his friend did a joke that crossed the line. What should I do? What action will the sixth form take against the pupil likely if informed?

I’m sorry if I’m wrong but my first thought was, he did it and he didn’t get the reply he hoped for. And now he is trying to limit the damage.

Hmmmm yes I wonder on this?

If I was the mother of the year 9 child I would be going to the police

👏.

I’d be really concerned Ceres that he actually did this and realises he’ll be in trouble so the whole stole phone story is his way of avoiding responsibility and consequences.
How can he prove that it was taken.
How many messages were sent and over what period as Police would check all of that.

OP has disappeared ............

Yes I dont believe this is all he did, and I dont believe the friend story. He needs to be spoken to about not doing this but ultimately that one comment is all we can go on because thats what OP set out and although unpleasant and likely distressing to the girl (which quite frankly I wouldnt allow tutoring to happen like that), its not likely formal action would be taken.

Yes I know what it means, but its just a stupid pass. Its not sexual harrassment or abuse or assault or any of the other words used here. There is a complete lack of realistic knowledge here about what constitutes a crime

You know one of the recipients was a 13/14 year old child, right? Is that just a ‘stupid pass’? Would you be happy if your daughter received a message like that?

No. Being unhappy about it is not akin to it being a crime, is my point

The boy needs to be dealt with, but people are talking about LADO, police etc this is not the pathway for that.

Deal with him via school, punishment, apology, putting it right yes.

It was sent to a child. And one that he is tutoring at that. That is creepy as fuck.

If it’s not something the police deal with, then fine - if they report him, no action will be taken. Leaving it to the school isn’t likely to result in anything. But the amount of people clearly okay about this is depressing.

Probably had Pilates and a hot stone massage today and is now sinking a bottle of Sancerre, content in the knowledge that her sex-pest son has got away with this because she has colluded with him.

Again, who is ok with it? Who said that sounds like a nice thing he's done, we support that?

OP isnt even here anyway so Im suspecting the whole thing is untrue anyway

One of the best posts I’ve seen on here in my 15yrs. Totally salute you! 🙌🏻

So you don’t think it’s a police matter for a paid-for tutor offering his services online to overtly and crudely proposition a 13yr old girl for casual sex? Interesting.

Did you fall asleep in the 1970’s & have just woken up? There’s a word these days for the past 30yrs called ‘grooming’. It’s in the dictionary after ‘Apologist’, ‘Belittle’, ‘Condone’, ‘Dismissal’, ‘Entitlement’ and ‘Fun (just a bit of)’.

Hi, OP -

We love our DC and want the best for them. Thinking positively rather than punitively, that should mean for the long term.

If DS is a healthy Y12 pupil, he is fully capable of making up this story. As PP have pointed out, phones lock very quickly and it isn’t easy to visualise what you’ve described within the classroom context.

I make no judgment on whether DS or a friend pulled this ridiculous stunt. I don’t see how you, who so want to believe the best of him, can do so either.

it’s very serious although from what you quote I would hope that it will not call for official action by the police, or compromise DS’ future. The message is arguably no worse than very crude and insulting, painting DS as an arse of the first order. If he really did let someone else do this, the consequences will hopefully be enough of a lesson that he will use his phone properly during school (not at all?) in the future.

But the only responsible thing is for DS to terminate the tutoring immediately. Even if he is innocent, the message to the Y9 girl could come back to bite him in all sorts of ways. If he is not, termination is imperative.

The message itself has contaminated the relationship irreparably. Maybe that is enough of a lesson to him. Learning it at this age is not the worst thing.

It can be reported to police, anyone can do that. Im telling you what will or wont be likely to happen

Ive sat in various meetings with the police about actual sexting with photos, indecent images sent etc. Usually words are had and NFA taken. It wouldnt be considered grooming in any way shape or form in any case.

He isnt a real tutor in any way either.

What do you mean by ‘isn’t a real tutor’?!
OP states he was offering paid-for tuition services.
Someone delivering paid-for tuition is called a tutor, whether you think they’re “a real tutor” or not.
The fact he was tutoring a minor, younger than him, for cash, without a DBS, and had his tutee added on Snapchat/Whatsapp etc is all kinds of idiotic.

I’m genuinely worried that you say you have some sort of role in safeguarding / dealings with meetings about sexting. You are hopelessly out-of-touch and naive (and a bit strange to call a tutor not a tutor).

What are you worried about exactly? That Im reporting back what outcomes the police give us? You dont like what is being reported here?

Do you chair strategy discussions and hold police to account about what action they will or wont take? When did you last do that?

What are you on about?

I was taking issue with the fact you said “he isn’t even a real tutor” by way of minimising things. Factually, he IS a ‘real’ tutor. He is happy to advertise his tuition services, deliver tuition, and accept cash in return. Hence: tutor.

😂

I'd be pretty clear with him, either he 'snitches' as he puts it, or he is treated as if he did it himself. Which would he prefer - and set out the potential consequences of that.

And take his phone away, if he can't keep control of such devices, he should not have them, he is leaving himself open to serious illegal activity from others and again if his position is that he won't snitch, then he will potentially take the consequences of their behaviour because HE allowed HIS phone to be used.

Can I ask why, if you do what you claim, you are so blasé about it? Surely this shit starts somewhere?

At the very least I'd be telling him to send out a follow up message to all saying 'I'm so sorry, someone stole my phone.' But as others have said he might not even be believed about that.

I see posts on here where the DH is a fucking disgrace and I wonder who the hell raised that toerag.

Now I know how it happens. Carpet swept appalling and illegal behaviour by the 'parent'.