AIBU to make DS16 reports sexual messages sent from his phone?

[BusyJoker]

DS (year 12) has been tutoring a year 9 girl for about a year. He told me that someone stole his phone without his knowledge during sixth form today and started mass sending sexual messages to all the girls in his contacts on snapchat. One of the people that was messaged is the year 9 girl DS is tutoring saying something along the lines of "Do you want to hook up I'm horny." DS was friends with the person before the incident and the person did it as a "joke". I encouraged DS to inform his school about this situation but he is refusing to do so as he doesn't want to be seen as a snitch by others and is saying his friend did a joke that crossed the line. What should I do? What action will the sixth form take against the pupil likely if informed?

Chinny recon

Has he thought of deleting the messages for all and also apologising explaining someone took his phone and it’s not funny and he’s so sorry if it upset them?

Agree with others, I do think you will find your DS sent the messages himself.

He’s 17/18 and she’s 13/14 - it is definitely an offence.

OP, it is incredibly unlikely that someone stole your son’s phone when it was unlocked. They all lock incredibly quickly after being put down. You need to face facts that your son more than likely sent that message and if the girls parents report it then he’s in serious trouble and that raises an entirely different series of issues you will need to address. You’re an adult, he’s a child. If there’s any possibility this story of your sons is true then you need to get involved and act now. There’s no not wanting to get involved about it. That is your job. It would take much less effort to report this than it would to create this thread. Be a parent, and stop being so naive.

I think you should contact his head of sixth form to let them know what is going on. They can then deal with the student concerned and ensure that the year 9 girl knows what happened.

Have these children been chaperoned whilst in this somewhat irregular tutoring arrangement? Even surgeons have to have a chaperone for their own protection and that of the patient.
It's all very odd.

The police are unlikely to do much if it was essentially intended as. A prank- but he should let his teachers know asap about the situation - as he was in the role of tutor this could mushroom if he tries to keep quiet and he's be in worse trouble than his mate.

this is the best first step. It shows everyone that you and he have taken it seriously. And you need to be seen to be doing that.

Same imbalance applies.

He needs to understand that enhanced DBS checks go further than convictions and this could be serious in terms of limiting his opportunities in the future.

I can't believe you're not more concerned about this.

I have a yr 9 daughter & a yr 12 daughter. I can't imagine how a friend at school would get hold of my 17 year old's phone whilst it was unlocked, as they're not supposed to be out during lessons anyway & even if they were, they lock quickly. If a boy in yr 12 was tutoring my 14 year old & sent a message like that, I would be reporting it to both the police & the school, and tutoring would be over.

If my daughter received this message I’d be reporting it. So I can imagine other parents will be doing the same. He can let the head of house know at least incase there’s complaints tomorrow. Otherwise he’s going to be taking the rap for this and I can imagine there is going to be some pretty pissed parents. Hopefully it gets sorted though xx

Can I also say that I have a 14 yr old yr 10 dd and if she received this message she would be v v disturbed by it. As parents we would be absolutely appalled and not laughing it off but reporting it to school, police and any agency involved in the tutoring.

There have been hours for this family (and whoever this message went to) to feel upset and angry and take action. The nest thing for your ds to have done would have been an immediate recall and apology. Not faffing around now still doing nothing.

So over 16 and under 16? It could be seen as someone grooming a child (under 16).

It's so implausible that his phone was stolen. I can appreciate why you'd want to believe this story but surely you can see it's unlikely? How did he get his phone back? Why does he have the girl as a snapchat contact?

You think he’s just your little boy.

The parents of the 13 yr old who received a sexual message from a 17yr old will view it differently. Very differently.

Well, the person in charge of the phone has committed an offense.
So your DS can take the rap for someone else, or defend himself and tell the truth.

Same. He could prove otherwise by reporting it.

deleted as realised snapchat disappears so no way to see if he really sent message to all the girls or just this one

This needs to be reported. If he ever got accused of something serious (god forbid) and there’s messages on his phone of a sexual nature then it could go against him.

Sorry OP but this sounds serious and could have serious repercussions too - you should follow advice from most of PP.
He may have already been reported to the police and/or Headteacher.
Btw has he sent follow up texts to those involved apologising and saying his phone was taken as a prank - bit of damage limitation at least.

Exactly. You need to be certain of the facts OP. Either him or his friend need to own up and face the consequences.

Like everyone else, this is too serious for you to leave it up to him to make the decision.

Another one joining to say you need to act on this if he won’t. The young recipients of the text may not have told their parents and be dealing with all kinds of feelings and concerns about getting a message like that from your son. The school need to be involved asap at the very least.

Thanks all. I've spoken to DS and strongly encouraged him to report the situation to the school. I don't believe parents of the person he's tutoring are aware based on what he told me. should they?