AIBU to be furious after hearing my husband swear at our baby?

[andreae23]

My baby is 10 months old and isn’t a good sleeper at all. My husband usually does a few resettles in the first few hours when he is up anyway and then I’ll take over and be up multiple times a night every single nihht, baby is breastfed too.

anyway my husband was in there with him this evening, I was still in the living room where he has the monitor, usually I am upstairs. Baby was a little unsettled going back over in his arms, not hysterical or anything but I heard my husband say ‘would you just shut the f*ck up.’ To him. I’m absolutely raging. Livid. I can’t even look at him I stormed up there and took our baby and told him to not come near us. I’m so mad and I think it’s really messed up to say that?? He said he was frustrated and it wasn’t in an aggressive tone and the baby doesn’t understand so he doesn’t see the issue. I’m boiling over with rage at home rn!!!!! Would you be mad?

💯

To be clear I absolutely did not swear at or in front of my kids past the baby stage! (though as adults we now jokily swear amongst ourselves) . I totally agree what you describe with your relatives' son is out of order and not remotely funny, poor kid.

As for my catty - she clearly doesn't give a fuck about my swearing 😉

It's a snapshot isn't it. He clearly didn't think you'd hear, does he speak like that to your ds in front of you? No because he knows it is not ok.

We've all muttered ffs at a middle of the night crying sesh, that is not the same as hissing stfu to a baby.

You need therapy, you sound unhinged!

Ah ok sorry. I didn't assume you were as bad as my relatives partner anyway. I don't know what to do about it, or of it's my place to tell them to shut up

Don't know if its been said yet but I'd assume he said what he said so you'd do what you did. He doesn't want to do the baby work and now you won't want him to.

Does he have form for other weaponised incompetence?

😂

I think I'd be having a word, especially if the kid looks upset. Tbh it's the ridicule aspect of this that disturbs me as much as the swearing and the actual parent ought to be having a word with the step parent imo.

Just for comparison my mother brought me up belittling me at every opportunity. It has had a lifelong effect on my self-esteem and wellbeing and led me to make some terrible life choices. She never once swore at me.

Massive overreation. I think the fact you lost it over something this minor is much worse. You are both sleep deprived and the majority of people do not have the patience of a saint, although going by some of these 'My husband would never' posters mn is full of them!

I would have pulled him up about it but I wouldn’t hold it against him. He didn’t scream in his face

How dramatic, he was probably just knackered and said something in the heat of exhaustion. Bit OTT to say he cannot be trusted with baby if he is otherwise a good parent.

That's it, the demeaning aspect of it that gets to me. He's a sweet, soft little boy and he takes it as normal he doesn't seem upset. But she would go on like this to me for a while and I just think it's so cheeky and disrespectful, even if she was joking. We had a lot of arguments about it.

I'm very sorry you grew up with your mum treating you like that. My dad didn't swear, either, but he was like you say belittling, domineering and acted like my siblings and I were lesser and nuisances just because we were children. I was well behaved as well. I've forgiven him for it but we will never be close the bond just isn't really there

It's a sign of impatience with a small vulnerable child. How do you know his impatience won't escalate?

Fwiw I dont think I ever heard my DH swear at anybody or any thing in all the time oI knew him. Similarly, much as I disliked my parents I never ever heard my mother swear and I think I heard my father swear once, and certainly not the f word, and that was when I was a teenager.
I never swore at or in front of my children. I swear a bit now in the privacy of my own home but never at or in conversation with people.

If this man is resorting to swearing at a tiny baby then that says an awful lot about the type of person he is and his capacity to be a decent parent

So what do you suggest the OP does about it if you think his behaviour could escalate?

I would be raging too. My 3 babies were all breastfed so I just did all the nights, they usually need milk anyway.
I got husband to do other stuff he was good at, like get up with everyone at the weekend at 5/6am or whatever and do breakfast while I lie-in.
or while I’m breastfeeding baby to sleep upstairs I can hear him loading the dishwasher, doing the bins and recycling, tidying the kitchen etc.

@Nothingrhymes but your view of swearing itself might be influenced by how unusual it was for you to hear growing up (much as you nevertheless dislike your own parents).

I grew up surrounded by swearing adults, sometimes angry swearing, sometimes emphasis swearing, sometimes comic swearing, habitual swearing etc etc

Swearing may be a sign of intense emotions for you/ your parents, and therefore a warning sign if it happens around a baby. But for many people it's not. It's so normal it doesn't mean anything in itself - the tone is what matters.

ok but the vast majority of adults in the 21st century swear and cuss. They're just words. Not swearing ever doesn't make you a superior being.

I’m unhinged?
so it’s ok to shout and swear at a baby??

I hope it happens someone witnesses it and reports it it’s disgusting behavior

some weird people on here thinking it’s ok it absolutely isn’t

Why would you want someone like this in the “family unit”

I have to say I’m shocked and surprised by the remarkable low standards women seem to have of what is “ok”

have some balls and tell them this is NOT ok and pack your bags!

Who was shouting?

And if OP leaves then her ex will potentially have the baby 50/50 in the longer term

This just about sums it up

Bottom line, people have very low standards

I’ve reported 2 people to social services in my time and 1 child was then removed and another one there was an intervention plan put in

no child should have this it’s abuse!

It if it was in an aggressive way, YWNBU

But it wasn't

Yeah we (DH and I) swear all the time. Our kids never have (young teens) we aren't bad people, and we are great parents.

It's probably our one downfall. But I certainly don't think it's the end of the world.

No one has ever had their child removed for swearing in frustration in circumstances like the OP’s

No I didn’t say did I
I said that I said I’d reported 2 people one an old neighbour and that started with shouting and there was a much bigger backstory