Thought on this? DS school situation..

[Miserablelittlesoul]

DS (9) lost 5 minutes off his break yesterday because he didn’t complete his work in time. He said his teacher wrote the questions on the board and he didn’t get to write them down in time before she had wiped them off. He didn’t tell her that he didn’t get the questions down in time. He eventually got the remaining questions from his friend and completed the work but still lost his break. He said the questions were difficult and he was stuck working them out. I should add I believe my son has adhd like me so I’m fully aware he may be struggling and not using his voice when he needs to be.

My concern is she didn’t ask him why he didn’t manage to complete it she just took his book away from him and didn’t ask no further questions.

Then the 5 minutes he lost in break she still didn’t address it with him?

this is the response I’ve had from her

Hi, no he did not tell me or the other adults in class that he was struggling. If he had, we would have given him the support he needed. I will pick this up with him today or tomorrow and find out which question he was struggling with. By the end of the lesson, he had actually completed the flashback which was the work I was talking about. Thanks for letting me know.

DH feels like she is fobbing us off, I hate confrontation but I’m fully aware I need to be supporting my son.

Thoughts please

Differentiation exists for this very reason. 🙄

It's a perfectly reasonable response. 🙄

There is a lot of difference between Thinking and a Diagnosis of adhd
has he always been forgetful etc or is it a recent problem ?
talk to the senco they can observe and if needed make a referral and/ or go to the gp
There is a huge waiting list so push for it if you really think there’s an issue
or
he’s just farting about before he starts work

I wonder how many primary school children are a bit forgetful and disorganised? Surely the first step is for the parents to help the boy to focus on how he can improve and to monitor that. If after doing everything they can at a family level, he appears to have a serious problem, significantly impeding his work at school, then discuss it with the school?

Have you approached the school formally about this? Have you taken him to the GP to enquire about an assessment for it? Have you searched online to find a private assessment?

You are his parents. He is your child. If you think he has some sort of disability, it is up to you to deal with it.

At some point, accommodating 'whatever is reasonable' for each child becomes impractical when we're talking about a standard class size of 28-30.

'Whatever is reasonable' is also pretty subjective, where do you draw the boundary of 'Adjustment A helps Child B, but is distracting or unhelpful for Child C'?

This is why OP's child needs to be supported in asking for help when he needs it. The teacher anticipating his needs and preferences is not reasonable, especially when he doesn't even have a diagnosis. Far better and easier if he can learn to ask for support (and indeed it will stand him in better stead throughout his life).

some things are worth going private for. Your children’s well being and education is one of them.

We did, but it's obviously not an option open to everyone. And some schools and local authorities then still put up barriers to parents having private assessments, saying they only take into account NHS diagnoses. It's often a catch 22 situation for parents.

Jesus OP. Get a grip. Mountain out of molehill. If you think this is worthy to post on MN, wait until he’s in seniors/6th form/becomes an adult and HAS to take some personal responsibility.

Nothing else to do all day?

Maybe tell him, “Son, it’s no big deal, just ask the teacher if you need some information or need some help. That’s what your voice is for”. End of.

I have no understanding of your " school situation" at all. I gave up classroom teaching a few years back but then it was normal to keep children back at breaks or lunch to help them catch up , give them some individual attention or just to remind them that it you wasted class time you had to waste some break.
(It was never the whole of break or lunch because everybody needs a run round)
I dont think children even mentioned it to their parents and if a parent had contacted me about something so insignificant I would have thought they were extremely strange.

Totally agree. They do not get paid enough for the shit they have to put up with day in day out.

Teachers know this, hence leaving ample time. But there comes a point where kids are fucking around and not doing the work, that's when they get kept in at break.

If you spent the first 2 hours of the wall building session on your phone, you'd rightly be punished.

Good god I wouldn’t be a teacher.

I don't know why schools give out teachers' email addresses. My DC's schools never did this (and that was pretty recently). If you wanted to email, then you sent the email to the one school admin person, who might or might not pass it on. That meant that the teachers could actually spend their time teaching and preparing lessons, rather than being bullied by frankly insane parents.

I’m wondering if they will put a stop to this soon. Because in my - affluent probably relevant - area, we are now in the stage where the children with the diagnosis’ are simply the richer kids, and not necessarily the children whose ADHD is more extreme. Waiting list nhs is at least 6 years long. I doubt it though as it means it doesn’t come from the NHS pot.

Her response isn't fobbing you off at all, if she was responding to the concern about your child not understanding the question(s). She's said she wasn't made aware of the problem at the time and, now she knows, she'll address it with your child. This is acceptable.

BUT, it sounds like the issue was he did finish his work, but was punished unnecessarily? Is that correct? If that's the case, I'd be asking why he was kept in at break time if he finished his work.

On a related note, as someone else has said, I don't think children should be kept in if they were unable to finish work because they were struggling. (DS's school agreed to additional time for him to complete work because of acquired brain damage and hearing and sight impairments...in reality, this legally required adjustment was them telling DS he could choose to go to break or stay in and finish his work! He was actually upset because he wanted to finish his work, but also wanted to go out and play. And this was in years 3 and 4.)

Tell him to just ignore her next time she tries to snatch 5 mins from his break. Jumped up cow (not you, the nazi-like teacher)

6 years!? Utter nonsense there are NO NHS waiting lists in the entire UK that are 6 years long! 😆

It is for ADHD / autism diagnosis, in fact my niece's was almost 8 years to get seen and get a diagnosis.

I mean the teacher saying she will talk to your son is the opposite of fobbing off is it not.

what have you done about the suspected ADHD? All the time on threads its suspect they have xxx as if that excuses behaviour.

Speak to the SEN rep at the school and make sure they put in place any support he needs.

My son is awaiting an assessment and his new school have made reasonable adjustments for him. His previous school failed to explain anything to him in a way he could understand and punished him daily, removing his breaks to do work and being very stern with him in class. It damaged him emotionally, he eventually refused to engage in any learning and he completely shut down. I removed him from school, homeschooled for 5 months and sent him somewhere new. He went back confident, advanced and able to implement methods I taught him to help with focus etc. Some schools cause more harm than good if the teachers aren't willing or encouraged to adapt their teaching style, even slightly, for different kids.

Losing 5 minutes of a break is not really a big deal? He got the learning done. He also learned the consequences of not speaking up.

It’s not worth a fuss, surely?

It's amazing how often children 'forget' things they aren't fussed about like bringing home their reading book.
Yet somehow they never 'forget' to remind you of their daily TV or screen time, or that you promised them they could have an icecream out of the freezer after dinner!

Everyone forgets stuff and yes it's very very common that a 9 year old who doesn't especially like reading might forget their reading book quite regularly. It doesn't necessarily mean he has adhd. His teacher is spending 9-3 every day with him it would likely be fairly obvious to her as a trained professional if he was showing signs of adhd.

OP focus with your son on him communicating it more clearly if he missed the questions on the board etc.

It's 5 minutes, it's not like she put him in detention for the whole of lunchtime. Just shrug and get on with your life, totally not worth any more of your headspace.