Thought on this? DS school situation..

[Miserablelittlesoul]

DS (9) lost 5 minutes off his break yesterday because he didn’t complete his work in time. He said his teacher wrote the questions on the board and he didn’t get to write them down in time before she had wiped them off. He didn’t tell her that he didn’t get the questions down in time. He eventually got the remaining questions from his friend and completed the work but still lost his break. He said the questions were difficult and he was stuck working them out. I should add I believe my son has adhd like me so I’m fully aware he may be struggling and not using his voice when he needs to be.

My concern is she didn’t ask him why he didn’t manage to complete it she just took his book away from him and didn’t ask no further questions.

Then the 5 minutes he lost in break she still didn’t address it with him?

this is the response I’ve had from her

Hi, no he did not tell me or the other adults in class that he was struggling. If he had, we would have given him the support he needed. I will pick this up with him today or tomorrow and find out which question he was struggling with. By the end of the lesson, he had actually completed the flashback which was the work I was talking about. Thanks for letting me know.

DH feels like she is fobbing us off, I hate confrontation but I’m fully aware I need to be supporting my son.

Thoughts please

He lost just 5 mins? its seriously no big deal.

Generally, I'm the team teacher on this; kids need some resilience, and sometimes life isn't 100% fair, but he will still learn from this and 5 mins is hardly no breaks for a week territory, fine to clarify by any more is being unreasonable. What age is the child? - presuming KS2ish?

Hey OP, I think some of the replies you've had are harsh. Copying questions from the board is generally considered poor classroom practice now. Any kid with dyslexia or any other visual or processing issue in that class will be disadvantaged by this, as well as your son. It's also a waste of time for the most able.
I think the issue (which the teacher hasn't really addressed in that quite confusing email she has sent you) is whether your son was messing around / misbehaving, which is why he didn't finish, in which case the punishment is fair enough, or whether he was punished for not finishing the work, in which case clearly, the teacher should have asked whether he was struggling with it and sought to support him, rather than moving straight to a punishment. I am all for supporting teachers, they are amazing and should be paid ten times more for what they do, but I'm not convinced on the available evidence that this teacher got it right on this occasion. I think it would be fair to ask further questions - in a polite and non confrontational manner. I would also ask your son more questions about how he is feeling about the work in school, whether he is struggling and whether he finds copying from the board hard. I'm surprised the teacher would offer an opinion on whether or not he has ADHD.

Thus lies the danger of mum-diagnosis for autism and ADHD, both of which are truly very rare in the general population, and are not a catch all for all behaviours.

Once in a while it would be nice if someone managed to put themselves in the shoes of a 9 year old and understand the things that matter to them. Sometimes it's actually ok to not be on a power trip and try tell a kid what's what, and instead they and understand their perspective. School is difficult for kids in part because so many adults expect far too much from young children. The whole damn point is that education is an ongoing experience and that's not just academically.

I think the issue (which the teacher hasn't really addressed in that quite confusing email she has sent you) is whether your son was messing around / misbehaving, which is why he didn't finish, in which case the punishment is fair enough, or whether he was punished for not finishing the work, in which case clearly, the teacher should have asked whether he was struggling with it and sought to support him, rather than moving straight to a punishment.

100% this.

Do you and your husband look for trouble? You said you think he has ADHD, the teacher does not. Start the process of getting him assesed if you are that concerned.

As someone said upthread certain behaviours are not always ADHD. I know parents who have had children assessed for this and it is not.

Op, have you had a chat with the SENCO about your son's ADHD traits? It is important that he has a SEN passport. They can infact give this without a diagnosis, as it concerns any additional educational needs or support.

I also agree with acouple of other poster in that the teacher's methods seem a little outdated. Nobody copies from the board in my dc's school, it does sound a bit archaic and will disadvantage certain children. I also don't agree with taking breaktime away for minor things. Some schools have some horrible rules, mu friend had to complain as her little girl (5) was the only child in the class not to get a biscuit from the teacher. Her Mum forgot to update the reading record for one of the days, and if not complete they don't give the kids a biscuit! It is ridiculous hardly in a 5 year olds control. Don't get me started on attendance awards as well!

OP, there are going to be things that happen at school with your child that you or he don’t agree with. The school, and any future school, will make decisions that you wouldn’t have done. But you really need to pick your battles otherwise when you do have a real, genuine concern, your credibility will be tainted as you’ll be seen as one of those parents who complains about anything and everything.

Let this one go, this is not a hill to die on.

What was he kept in for, if he had finished the work?

Otherwise, you are miffed she didn't speak to him. She has replied, she has said she will speak to him, she has thanked you. She can't go back in time and speak to him and change the break situation.

Your son finished on time, despite saying he was delayed as he didn't have the questions down to begin with and then getting stuck trying to answer them. So that sounds like he's actually doing OK? Aside from not speaking up when he should.

Lost break time is usual in my child's school but as above, I can't work out why your son lost time given he'd finished.

We had this 15 years ago with my dyslexic daughter. Teacher deliberately wiped the questions/instructions off the board before she could copy them down. Denied there was such a thing as dyslexia. Said it was an excuse for middle class parents with thick kids. Leaving them up supports all students and different learning approaches. This is an easy win for the teacher! Unless it's flagged as a memory test then no need to erase. After all you get an exam paper with the question printed!
Ps daughter got a 1st at a Russell group uni in a 'real' subject and won the Dean's prize for an outstanding dissertation. So not thick!

She doesn't have to support your non-diagnosis. He clearly needs more guidance and support but from home in the first instance.

School is so harsh these days, I don't remember anyone missing break with DDS at primary school in the 2010s or me 40+ years ago, unless they had been messing about or naughty, not because they hadn't written fast enough or found it difficult. What will they bring back to be even less inclusive next, sitting in the corner with a dunce's hat on? It sounds like he had found a reasonable solution in asking a friend for help. Sometimes it is intimidating to ask a teacher for help. Some even react angrily or explain it so badly that you are left more confused.

No wonder many decent teachers have left if this is the way they are supposed to teach.

I wouldn't go in all guns blazing but I would note whether he is finding writing difficult/slow going at home and ask for extra support at school. You probably won't get it, as all kids are expected to be academic and go to university and are told they are a failure if they aren't, and there is fuck all help, but you can ask.

If you believe he has ADHD, get him assessed and get a proper diagnosis so the school can put proper support in place.

@DaisyChain505 Have you been through that process? Just wondered if you knew how difficult that is. Ten years waiting list in some areas. DD2 wasn't attending school and I couldn't even get her on the NHS list to be assessed.

Poor teachers.

Imagine if every parent emailed about interactions like this, then continued the dialogue when they weren't happy with the (perfectly reasonable) response.

Just let the situation play out OP. Your DS learned a valuable lesson yesterday - to speak up if he hasn't finished his work. Hopefully he didn't learn the lesson of make a formal complaint if you don't like something.

Was he punished, or did he miss some break because he was finishing the work?
Either way, he shouldn't be coming whingeing to you over every little thing that happens at school, and you certainly shouldn't be contacting the teacher over every little thing. It sounds as though she's doing a decent job, and there are presumably 30 other children to deal with.

She's got thirty kids in the class! At 9 years old he should be able to raise his hand and say 'sorry I hadn't finished copying the questions".

I'm willing to bet the questions were on the board plenty long enough and there's an issue with him not knuckling down and focussing on the task/wasting a lot of time

I think that's pretty normal and not particularly suggestive of ADHD?

If a NT child in my class doesn't finish their work on time, they will shock horror finish it before they go to break. Literally an extra 5 minutes and it's complete - out they go. It rarely happens, but it does otherwise it simply wouldn't get finished with the amount of stuff we need to fit in.

It reminds children to focus on their work and ask if they need help rather than messing around or procrastinating.

Can I change career yet? 🫠

OP - assumed ADHD isn't a diagnosis. Kids can be very forgetful.

If you kick up a fuss about your child missing five minutes of his break because he didn’t complete his work, then will that really be the best thing for him? Wouldn’t it be better to acknowledge that this is a tiny, insignificant event, and nothing to get upset about? I do worry that many kids today are being taught that even the slightest situation that they don’t like should be challenged, and treated with such seriousness. Why did this require any intervention from you? Why not just shrug and say, “Well, next time, tell the teacher”? This is such a non-event. If your son is taught that a situation as insignificant as this should result in emails and questioning of conduct, how will he ever cope with the minor inconveniences of daily life?

?? She emailed you exactly what you wanted to know. Are you ok

I don’t think there is anything wrong with the teachers reply. I understand that people think (know) that missing 5mins of break isn’t an effective punishment but I can’t bring myself to care very much unless it was incessant. I’m appalling at any “copy from the board” activities. I’m a huge procrastinator and dyslexic, which makes me slow. When you have a learning difficultly like mine you have to look back and check much more frequently so it makes you slow, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t simultaneously dicking about, procrastinating, not concentrating etc and all of those are things that can be worked on.
What was he doing when everyone else was copying from the board? Why didn’t he stick his hand up and say he wasn’t finished? Why did it take so long to copy from his neighbour?
If he finished the work at the same time as everyone else then it suggests that he wasn’t actually that slow once he got going. Maybe he failed to start? Does he have any of these processing/procrastinating traits at home? Is he tired? Is his routine supporting his learning (some adhd traits may be circadian rhythm issues - supported by shifting the day earlier and using light therapy - helps me hugely when I do it but I’m a dick so I slip back into late nights and procrastination). I don’t really know what more you want the teacher to do.

It would piss me off too but it isn’t something worth complaining about as a one off. Why on earth some posters have to be so rude though I don’t know.

I'd leave it at this with the teacher. You've made your point. Sit down with your son at the weekend, ask your son what specific things he is struggling with, and help him get up to speed with the curriculum.

Not sure… I’m 59 and remember someone getting the slipper behind the piano in assembly at primary, my history teacher at secondary would point to someone to reply to his question who hadn’t had their hand up - if they got it wrong he would rub the board rubber over your face. If you got another wrong you had to stand in the bin in the corner. He’d throw a drawing pin at anyone who talked.