Thought on this? DS school situation..

[Miserablelittlesoul]

DS (9) lost 5 minutes off his break yesterday because he didn’t complete his work in time. He said his teacher wrote the questions on the board and he didn’t get to write them down in time before she had wiped them off. He didn’t tell her that he didn’t get the questions down in time. He eventually got the remaining questions from his friend and completed the work but still lost his break. He said the questions were difficult and he was stuck working them out. I should add I believe my son has adhd like me so I’m fully aware he may be struggling and not using his voice when he needs to be.

My concern is she didn’t ask him why he didn’t manage to complete it she just took his book away from him and didn’t ask no further questions.

Then the 5 minutes he lost in break she still didn’t address it with him?

this is the response I’ve had from her

Hi, no he did not tell me or the other adults in class that he was struggling. If he had, we would have given him the support he needed. I will pick this up with him today or tomorrow and find out which question he was struggling with. By the end of the lesson, he had actually completed the flashback which was the work I was talking about. Thanks for letting me know.

DH feels like she is fobbing us off, I hate confrontation but I’m fully aware I need to be supporting my son.

Thoughts please

He had already finished his work before they went off to lunch and still lost 5 minutes of his break. He never mentioned he was chatting or messing around and she hasn’t either so that doesn’t really play a part here.

Leave. It.

Total non situation. The teacher might take a bit more notice to check he’s on track in the future.

As it's just 5 minutes I think this should be treated like a learning experience for your child.

I think the teacher’s response is fine and she said she’d pick it up with him today. What more do you want? It was 5 minutes and it might be a good incentive for your son to advocate for himself in the future if he misses something or is struggling.

If you think he has ADHD you need to get him diagnosed and consider treatment/ strategies but it won’t be a magic bullet- he will still need to ask for help. In the meantime active teaching with sensible consequences is a good thing.

If you think he has ADHD talk to the senco. Teachers see a heck of a lot of kids with adhd and asd so I’d be reluctant to dismiss her viewpoint. Why didn’t it come up in previous years as a problem?

You do realise it’s possible to be mischievous and disorganised without having a neurodiversity?!

Id have been asking dc why he was “struggling” before I approached the teacher. Was he messing about? Couldn’t he see the board? didn’t he understand the task and how long he had -why didn’t he ask the teacher if he was stuck?
How come everyone else got the work done and he didn’t?

If he’s constantly low-level disruptive and no SEN agreed upon, it’s completely fair for the teacher to ask him to buckle down and get the work done.

Get him assessed for adhd, then you won’t have this I think he is/she thinks he isn’t. The 5 mins off a break is so minor, it won’t have done your DS any harm and might even help him to speak up next time. The teacher’s reply was fine. Your DH saying it’s fobbing off is way ott. Save the righteous indignation for when it’s warranted, tell DS to communicate better and get him assessed.

Hmm, yet another reason I’m happy to have moved my autistic son to Ireland for his schooling.

The teachers at his primary school were incredibly supportive and wouldn’t dream of punishing a child for not getting class work completed in time. I could imagine a similar sanction for deliberately acting up but not for being too slow. That would definitely be investigated and in fact, it was the class teacher who noticed my son was having difficulties with his hand writing and co-ordination.

It’s like the teachers in the England are going back to the 70’s when I was at school and punishing kids for having dyslexia, dyspraxia, autism etc. At least in those days, they didn’t have any understanding about these conditions so just assumed the child was a bit thick. You’d have hoped they’d have moved on from that simplistic and incorrect diagnosis by now?

And we wonder why teachers are leaving in droves! 😭

Have you taken him to the gp and asked for assessment? If you genuinely believe he had ADHD you need to. DS is on the other and I have to fight for his adjustments, the fact he is on the NHS pathway supports my requests, if it's affecting him at school why haven't you pursued it?

Yeah chances are he was messing about, perhaps as well as struggling, and he didn’t tell you (why would he?). Teachers know how kids behave in class much better than parents.

Kindly, neither of them WOULD mention that. Have you asked?

Blood hell, this is the sort of crap that school staff have to deal with all the time! Stupid emails from parents who don’t think their precious little Jonny should have any consequences to their actions.
He’s 9, not 5. Of course he knows he should have put his hand up and said he hadn’t had time to write the questions down!
It was 5 minutes ffs.
This is why myself and countless others have had enough of the state of education and have left/are leaving.

You pointed out an issue that you DS kept quiet about. The teacher acknowledged that if he had pointed it out he would have been given extra help. She is now aware of the situation and has noted she will try to help.

What more do you want? Your child is not her only focus and she has dealt with your enquiry professionally, promptly and with respect. Move on and let her do her job. It sounds like she is good at it

All this over five minutes of break time ? It is this kind of attitude that makes anyone even considering becoming a teacher to hesitate .
Raising kids to never take responsibility, challenge authority, and look to self diagnosed conditions to make allowances for them . Your child will need to be able to function in the real world one day start preparing him now.
You asked for thoughts , these are mine . Not bashing you OP , just maybe giving you another perspective on things .

There's nothing wrong with the teacher's response. You are really going to struggle if you present an issue, they tell you they will address it, but you're still not happy.

I can’t see the problem here

If he, and you, really believe that he is trying his hardest then I would follow this up because he probably does need some extra support in class. If he was doing his best, but was the only child in a class of 30 that didn’t manage to write the questions in time then that would suggest a SEN to me.

OP my view is that “consequences” are counterproductive, and there’s evidence to support that. Admittedly, they achieve compliance, which is what parents and teachers want for their children.

The answer to your question is to talk through with your son what happened, what he now thinks about what happened and what he’s learned from it.

It's really counter-productive to take outdoor time away from a child with ADHD. As many children are undiagnosed or on waiting lists teachers should take this into account. But I'm not sure 5 minutes is the hill to die on. You've already made your point with the e-mail so I would just continue to make her aware of ways in which he struggles and what support he needs. It sounds like he needed the questions to stay on the board for longer on this occasion. Is he on a waiting list for an assessment?

My heart goes out to every teacher still out there, dealing with this crap on a daily basis.

What was your son doing when everyone else was copying the questions from the board?

A lesson learnt for him. He’ll speak up next time.

I think you are your child's best advocate so if you think there's a specific issue you need to be more proactive about addressing it. I know there's a requirement for a diagnosis in England to get specific support in place, but you are running out of time to get this organised before high school. Just a few years away and this sort of thing will be the least of your problems if you don't have proper scaffolding in place.

I have a 9 year old son and he absolutely has to take responsibility for his own learning at school to a degree. He has a lot of energy, and a lot of silliness, but he is learning to stay focussed in class. It's really important to support your son in finding ways to ask for help, raise his hand, etc. Do you work on this at home? My daughter is autistic so we have to workshop almost every interaction before she can do it (she has situational mutism so we have worked through many, many strategies to ask for help in class over the years)

The teacher has said she will talk to him about it and I assume encourage him to tell her if he’s struggling. That’s all she can do really if he didn’t say anything at the time. Are you pursuing an ADHD diagnosis?

What makes you think ops son is autistic?