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AIBU?

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Original poster

In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

503 replies

saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:06

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

OP posts:
Sonato · 05/05/2026 20:19

Its only been a month.

Your husband has been through a massive shock.

Maybe take some time to, you know, be there for him as a partner and treat him as more than just an income?

All you seem arsed about is that your meal ticket is about to expire

FurryWastebin · 05/05/2026 20:19

Have to say you sound less than sympathetic. Being made redundant for whatever reason is a shitty thing to happen and is soul destroying, especially if it's just you. Rather than silently blaming him which is what it sounds like, some support would help.

Jobs just don't fall into candidates' laps, if they ever did. So he's talking to recruiters about his own field which is a good starting point but maybe he needs to apply for any work to keep solvent. Can you discuss that with him.

CornishTiger · 05/05/2026 20:19

He can apply for contribution based JSA regardless of income or savings.

He need me to do that. Maybe then he’ll realise he’s a job seeker. He needs to be prepared to do any work at this point.

The 11k settlement sounds low tbh. What was it 2 months notice and statutory redundancy payment. Hopefully the solicitor appointed for you looked through it.

Namingbaba · 05/05/2026 20:19

Lots of the work you put into looking for a job ends up being fruitless. It’s impossible to tell what will end up working out for you. Sometimes jobs that seem below your level go nowhere and more ambitious applications do well.

I think it’s unfair to criticise him for networking or applying on his phone because they’ve not resulted in interviews yet - if he’s genuinely doing those things. It can be really disheartening to continuously apply for things and not get far.

I agree though that he should pull his weight in the house.

crazeekat · 05/05/2026 20:19

He needs to get his finger out and help you more, and look for a job at the same time. He sounds like he is really in denial and I totally would be the same as you worrying. He sounds really selfish to me, and he is definitely not pulling his weight with the home and family. Swimming to set him up for the day? That would be stopping until he is bringing in a wage again. As would anything that is not essential that he is wasting money on. He really sounds like he has no clue.

ElatedPinkSeal · 05/05/2026 20:20

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MotherofPufflings · 05/05/2026 20:20

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He was on £80k which although a fairly good salary would not allow anyone to keep their partner "in the high life". The OP also works btw.

Aluna · 05/05/2026 20:21

Thus plus side is that he’s in his 30s not his 50s - he’s got a good chance of getting a new job and if not he’s young enough to retrain.

SwirlyGates · 05/05/2026 20:21

So are you saying that, after paying the mortgage, 11k will only last you 2 months? What on earth do you spend it on?

He should be eligible for JSA if he was made redundant, though it doesn't pay much.

And he's hardly taking ages to find a job, it's only been a month. The job market is terrible.

catipuss · 05/05/2026 20:21

He probably needs to lower his sights on salary and he needs to look after the children while you are actually working. I'm surprised you haven't saved much while he has been on a pretty huge salary, make sure you do save a lot of it if he gets a similar wage again. Hope he gets something soon.

Malinia · 05/05/2026 20:23

I've been made redundant twice and it knocks you for six. The first time it took me a month to get myself sorted and applying for roles. When DH was made redundant I supported him and told him to take a bit of time to get his head round it. He then had chats with old contacts and in time got a new role.

I understand you are frightened but you need to take a breath. You have the redundancy payout and savings, he is looking for work and trying to find something.

Try and be a team on this, he will be scared too. It will be ok, usually after redundancy you find something better and it turns out to be a blessing in disguise.

Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:24

Yes, we took legal advice

we are in the process of remortgaging and going to a new lender ; he’s had to use payslips before they dry up for the proof of affordability as current lenders follow on deals are rubbish. All arranged by me. A mortgage holiday is not possible as our credit file would be affected. We need the credit file to stay okay so we can get a good mortgage product

OP posts:
ineededanewnameitsbeentoolong · 05/05/2026 20:24

A lot of delusional people here…

  • seniorish roles take more than weeks to get. A lot more….
  • even retail jobs require interviews and assessments
  • no, you can’t always find work. The situation in the moment is bad. Really bad.
  • apply, apply, apply is busywork, but if anything makes finding a job more difficult. Mass produced applications are easy to spot and definitely don’t get you the interview for a senior role. Quality over quantity.
BlackRowan · 05/05/2026 20:24

EstrellaPolar · 05/05/2026 20:11

I’m sorry to the PP but CVs don’t take two weeks to write, and interview prep doesn’t take a week. He’s dragging his feet. Probably enjoying some extra time off while his wife keeps caring for the kids and making dinner every night.

Can you have a heart to heart with him? Explain you’re incredibly worried and don’t think he’s putting in as much of an effort as he could. It’s all fine and dandy having long chats with recruiters, but he also needs to be doing stuff on the side to improve his chances of getting a job.

Is he looking at roles only in the 80k bracket, or happy to take a pay cut if it means getting a job sooner? I’d be applying for all kinds of positions and salaries if this was me.

Some interviews definitely take a week prepping or even more

nam3c4ang3 · 05/05/2026 20:25

Yeah I sympathise - I know someone like this. 10
years on they still have no job (but works as a ‘consultant’ so the money is very very up and down) - couldn’t find a job and now i think too
old.

Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:25

catipuss · 05/05/2026 20:21

He probably needs to lower his sights on salary and he needs to look after the children while you are actually working. I'm surprised you haven't saved much while he has been on a pretty huge salary, make sure you do save a lot of it if he gets a similar wage again. Hope he gets something soon.

We haven’t saved much as our children are both at nursery, and our mortgage given our age (30s) and the interest rates on a mortgage of 300k+ is huge

we have circa 10k saved once credit cards were to be paid off

OP posts:
Sonato · 05/05/2026 20:26

Malinia · 05/05/2026 20:23

I've been made redundant twice and it knocks you for six. The first time it took me a month to get myself sorted and applying for roles. When DH was made redundant I supported him and told him to take a bit of time to get his head round it. He then had chats with old contacts and in time got a new role.

I understand you are frightened but you need to take a breath. You have the redundancy payout and savings, he is looking for work and trying to find something.

Try and be a team on this, he will be scared too. It will be ok, usually after redundancy you find something better and it turns out to be a blessing in disguise.

Men arent allowed to get scared.

Or take time to process.

Rather, they must immediately start to make themselves useful in whatever capacity they can as outlined by their wives or they're selfish arseholes in need of a good kicking to get started.

OneNewLeader · 05/05/2026 20:26

What is your husband’s plan? Some good advice on this message board and some hard realities about the job market. If it was me I’d be back full time or working up to that at 9 months. The father can then take on the household responsibilities.
I appreciate that might be heartbreaking but at least you’d be having a measure of control over the finances and give yourself space from the constant anxiety.
Difficult situations often require hard choices. I speak from experience.

Hoanna · 05/05/2026 20:26

If someone is on 80k, this would be tons of savings. What happened to those?

Sonato · 05/05/2026 20:27

saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:25

We haven’t saved much as our children are both at nursery, and our mortgage given our age (30s) and the interest rates on a mortgage of 300k+ is huge

we have circa 10k saved once credit cards were to be paid off

Edited
Show quote history

Poor financial future planning is a blame you must equally share.

ineededanewnameitsbeentoolong · 05/05/2026 20:28

Hoanna · 05/05/2026 20:26

If someone is on 80k, this would be tons of savings. What happened to those?

2 kids, so 2 lots of maternity leave to cover. Plus a high mortgage

nam3c4ang3 · 05/05/2026 20:29

OP I don’t want to scare you - I’m in a position of recruiting people for my team. I get about 100plus CVs for each role - 80% I discard immediately, 10% HR discard. The rest go through rounds of interviews. It’s a fucking awful market out here.

Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:29

SwirlyGates · 05/05/2026 20:21

So are you saying that, after paying the mortgage, 11k will only last you 2 months? What on earth do you spend it on?

He should be eligible for JSA if he was made redundant, though it doesn't pay much.

And he's hardly taking ages to find a job, it's only been a month. The job market is terrible.

the mortgage will need to be paid from the 11k it’s going up to 2k per month.

OP posts:
BlackRowan · 05/05/2026 20:30

saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:25

We haven’t saved much as our children are both at nursery, and our mortgage given our age (30s) and the interest rates on a mortgage of 300k+ is huge

we have circa 10k saved once credit cards were to be paid off

Edited
Show quote history

I thought you are on mat leave ? Now both children are at nursery?

NightFever89 · 05/05/2026 20:30

The market is tough right now. But he needs a solid plan and make applying for jobs his full time job. Ive been looking for a new role since november last year but I am employed so not as much pressure. Its a challenging market