In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

I can’t believe anyone thinks you’re being too harsh! You’ve a young family to support and almost no income right now (mat pay is crap for most). You’re going back to work but he “can’t” do childcare to allow you to do full time? Fuck that shit. If it was a mum claiming that she’d be told to get a grip and apply for jobs when the baby is asleep or partner is home. Which is exactly what he should be doing.

I also cannot get my head around people who think that months of chatting to recruiters is acceptable. You apply for ANY job when you’re unemployed. The jobs you actually want are worth spending time on applications once you’ve got some money coming in. Minimum wage is better than nothing.

a very similar thing happened to us three years ago. It was very very stressful for me personally. The first thing we did was cut back immediately on all non essentials. Living in a city, we had a car to sell if we needed to and we did sell it.

As the only wage earner at that point, I game planned all worst case scenarios and came up with a few options - Including renting our house out and moving to a small flat if we absolutely needed to, to protect our house in the longer term. I personally would also have been fully prepared to take on evening bar work on top of my full time job if it was needed. The difference was that my husband was trying his best to find work- every single day. In your scenario I would sit down with him one evening this week and go through the numbers. Establish at what point next month or the month after you will be unable to meet your basic financial commitments, and agree a solid plan/options. What those options look Like are different for everyone but everything should be on the table. Best of luck. You will get there .

Think you and some other posters are being incredibly harsh. He’s been made redundant and you’re making out he was sacked, it’s somehow his fault and his efforts to get a new job are a waste of time.

its hard to be made redundant and hard to find a role. This is the time for you to be on his side!

Working 2 days per week is a luxury you can clearly not afford - I had some sympathy until you dropped that nugget

he needs to be doing all childcare and you go to work full time until he lands a job - if You are that “worried” about paying your mortgage that’s the steps you should be taking

Ok, I was worried for a second! In any case it makes sense to look at relative interest rates - keeping money in savings is not always the best option.

Also it's a tough job market out there right now so he might well need some time to find a well paid role.

I suggest you go on various Reddit forums to get ideas with earning money on the side (r/sidehustle etc) and also for general support and info on the job market r/UKjobs

Wtf

I’m sorry to the PP but CVs don’t take two weeks to write, and interview prep doesn’t take a week. He’s dragging his feet. Probably enjoying some extra time off while his wife keeps caring for the kids and making dinner every night.

Can you have a heart to heart with him? Explain you’re incredibly worried and don’t think he’s putting in as much of an effort as he could. It’s all fine and dandy having long chats with recruiters, but he also needs to be doing stuff on the side to improve his chances of getting a job.

Is he looking at roles only in the 80k bracket, or happy to take a pay cut if it means getting a job sooner? I’d be applying for all kinds of positions and salaries if this was me.

Also you need to go back full time and he looks after the baby. Sorry I know that’s crap but I’m afraid it’s reality

YANBU about him wanting a get a job wriggle on, but I think you maybe are working with some very outdated info about the job market. It’s awful out there at the moment. Every role has hundreds of applications and it’s taking months and months to secure roles. How old is he? People in their fifties in particular are really struggling at the moment

Yes : both of you need to get support and also support each other

So he cant do childcare or housework, isnt applying for jobs (or getting anywhere when he does) so what the fuck IS he doing?!

I agree with PP's saying he is taking the utter piss.

For a start he needs to get on board so you can get back to work FT, you simply cannot afford for you not to so he has no choice. This is a "telling" situation not an "asking" one. You TELL him "I have to go back FT, I dont want to but frankly I dont have much choice right now so here is what you will need to do while I am there" and include the child care and meal prep etc and split the rest of the chores.

I understand you’re stressed but I think you need to think practically. Getting interviews isn’t instantaneous certainly at a high level.

Did he take the required legal advice re his compromise agreement, did work offer ant outplacement counselling/CV guidance?
Will your bank allow a mortgage holiday when the redundancy runs out to tide you over.
Can he do some free/paid CPD to enhance his CV/LinkedIn profile if it helps.
He absolutely has to leverage his network so ‘chats’ are invaluable.

Can you go back more days? Or look for a better paid job? Yes not the plan but I had to go back full time when DC was 5 months due to us both being made redundant as our DC was born. My DH eventually also worked part time doing property viewings at weekends around my work. Can your DH find an evening and/or weekend role?

Sorry it’s stressful but hopefully long term will work out.

Huge sympathy OP. He needs a massive kick in the arse. Chatting with recruiters is POINTLESS. They either have roles available (most likely not) or they don’t.

Having a cosy chat is a waste of everyone’s time. Doesn’t he realise there are millions of recruiters in the U.K. trying to sell anyone into roles? Those recruiters are desperate. The vast majority aren’t on exclusive contracts so they are scrambling to get any candidate shoved into any role. Then they scrape off their commission. Chatting won’t get him a job, he’s a delusional fool if he thinks that.

He needs a firecracker under him. He needs to have a structure for each day, and tasks in the house that MUST be done. He needs to get a job, any job, that will pay even min wage and do job searching for a higher paid role outside the hours. He is massively taking the piss.

it is EXTREMELY tough and getting past the AI screening is harder by the day. You are right to be scared and he is a fool if he hasn’t worked this out already.

huge sympathy. Better go put on your arse kicking boots.

The job market is insane right now. I would prepare yourself (financially and emotionally) to be in this for the long haul.

Yes, it might be necessary for you to work 4 days, he does 2 days childcare, he has 3 days free to job search plus the weekend.

Yes this. It isn’t as simple as just bash out a generic CV and get interviews

When my husband had a stroke and was off work for months, the lender put our mortgage on hold for several payments.

There's several different issues at play here. First is the job hunting - you need to assume that it will take time for him to secure a new role - id be saying that even if he was efficient (sounds like his isn't). Second is his general attitude towards how he can use his time now hes not working but job hunting. Im sorry but its absolute rubbish to say that job hunting takes the same amount of time as a full or even part time job. Don't countenance that. He's not pulling his weight at home at a time when he absolutely should. Rather than be resentful, just tell him how it has to be. Say what tasks he needs to pick up and its his job to work out how to do those things AND apply for jobs. Most people do apply for jobs while doing other jobs. Get firm with him.

So how did you get a job when you were made redundant?

You are being naive. Interviews don’t just happen in 2 weeks for senior roles on good package, it takes time after speaking to recruiters
It’s not a retail job

It is a really hard job market. I can also understand why you are stressed. Can you take a mortage holiday? Longer term could you downsize?
I have friends made redundant who have found it very hard to find work and they are clever and capable people. So don’t assume your DH is useless.

What field does he work in? My husband was made redundant at the start of last year from what sounds like a similar level, and it took 5 months to find a job on nearly half the salary, however it was in the same area of expertise, and a year on he's been promoted twice as positions became availalbe and is now back up to his previous level. However it took more than 500 applications, he was speaking to about 20 specalist headhunters and recruiters each week, and in the end what actually got him the job was a former colleague who he had remained friendly with recommended him for a role at the company he was at, knew it was lower level but it was a foot in the door so he took it. So it was the networking that paid off for him but it was a full time 40+ hours a week job to find a job for those 5 months.

100%

This!
You need to have a proper sit down and a heart to heart. Can someone look after DC for a few hours whilst you sit down and go through things

• where can you save on expenses ? Shop in cheaper shops, cancel subscriptions, gym memberships and whatever else is not essential. The 11k could last longer if you are frugal
• go through all your finances with a tooth comb, work out what makes most sense eg paying off credit cards vs keeping savings. What savings can you access, is a mortgage holiday possible etc etc
• you need to sort out going back more days a week if that pays better. If there are 2 days childcare then he has 2 days of job seeking and 3 days of childcare
• you will then need to tag team a bit, so yes he can do calls in the evening if he's childcaring in the day and you can do kid's tea etc when you get home from work
• he needs a plan A , B and C for job hunting. So what are his no1 jobs he wants but what would he accept as alternative and what can he apply for as backup when money starts getting tight