In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

OP it sounds like he needs a bloody great kick up the arse. You're on maternity leave and he's baking bread rather than applying for jobs?! My patience would have long run out. He needs to be doing school runs at the very least. Don't end up being a martyr because he won't remotely care that you're at breaking point.

He needs to accept reality and stop talking crap about contacts. Meanwhile go through your finances and stop all subscriptions/luxuries/gym memberships etc.

You cant afford two kids in nursery, frankly you cant even afford one except possibly one session a week for the older one so they keep the social aspect. So that will have to be nixed while you work FT and he is at home. You can revisit it when he gets a job.

Doing 2 days per week kit days

My husband has also been made redundant. He’s doing the school run, DIY and gardening that need to happen, and applying for jobs.

sounds like you and he need to have an honest chat about concerns and expectations. He may have to pick up some non-career work to tide him over.

What industry are you in?

hes in a niche but technical industry, sales role

It’s hard to calm when you have an 8mo baby and no visible means of support tbh…..
He can start his own thread - OP started this one so of course she is centring herself.

80k pm is around what? 4.5k per month net?

You've taken on a mortgage at 50% of your net.

Plus nursery fees for child #1

Plus decided to have cuild #2

Even with this not happening i dont see how you could have remained as you were.

Did what woukd happen if he were ever to lose his job not discussed?

Do you not have a joint plan for this crisis given the amount of risk placed on one salary?

The obvious thing is for you to go back full time and him to look after the children

Totally gutted about this prospect but I know it may have to happen

How old are the children and does the eldest qualify for free hours?
As others have now identified, why is the eldest in nursery if you have been home? Understandable now you are going back to work but it does sound like there has been some bad planning. Same with the house - did you go for top of your budget to afford it?

I don't know why people keep saying he should take any job. Any job is hard to find, even shop assistant roles in supermarkets or working in a coffee shop can be competitive and require experience, so if he has had a career doing something earning £80k a year it's unlikely he can just get a job doing something else.

It will have to happen

You need a contingency planning session sharpish.

Sounds like youve both been guilty of burying your heads in the sand about how precarious your situstion was

If your DH has no job be aware the new mortgage provider may pull the mortgage offer. Can you afford it on purely your salary? A new provider will do deeper due diligence than just taking a new deal with your existing provider. Please be careful.

If he is in software sales then that's also a tough industry right now.
Smart to do the mortgage while you can but there needs to be a massive reality check whilst you work out how to cope. If you can go back FT then do so immediately if it nets you more cash and you both need to scrimp and save as much as possible to see you through

Plus I work, so we were taking home on average 7k per month
mortgage of 1,800 (soon to be 2k)
council tax, bills, no car finance we drive bangers but we saved what we could, usually a grand or so a month when I wasn’t on maternity leave

needed some home improvements doing badly when we moved house. Money got spent.

I don’t want to scare you OP, but be very careful about this new mortgage. Especially if it takes him a year or more to get a new job, which isn’t unlikely in this climate.

Obtaining assistance from the mortgage company (if it comes to that) will be nigh-on impossible if they find out you were dishonest at application. And could potentially wind you up in more trouble than you’re already in.

The market is super tough. I think its naive to think he should be waltzing into interviews...he may be lucky but equally it may take some time.

I'm sorry but he needs a reality check. If he's not working he is the childcare. As that's how you work and not paying out for care. It doesn't take that much time effort to job search. This could be done evenings after children are in bed. Interviews arranged then childcare booked to allow for this. He needs to start pulling his weight if he's not working....it sounds like he's a massive cock-womble. You need to put your foot down and tell him to pull his weight while hes unemployed.

Conversations around expectations and set times for job hunting need to be had, he sounds like he's manipulating 'chats' / job searching to avoid any kind of household responsibility including helping with DC.

Sorry, but this made me so angry for you 🤬

He needs to pull his finger out, both at home and on the job-hunting front, that's clear.
But if you're interested in happy outcomes, well my own redundancy (25 years ago!!) turned out to be a blessing in disguise, and left me open to pursue a life-changing opportunity for me, my kids and my (now ex) partner.

Thanks for sticking up for me. Yea it is all about me as you said, as I’m writing this thread and it’s effecting my mental health a lot, I think more so than it is his.

He is unlikely to even get interviews for min wage jobs. Hundreds of people are applying for every unskilled job. Why would they take on someone with his experience knowing he would leave as soon as something better comes along.

OP needs to ask her employer if she can go back full time, thats the easiest solution & he will need to look after the children

The new product is a tracker, we can sell without an early repayment charge if it should really come to the crunch

Have you just reread the last sentence you typed

I can hear you are upset OP but you are going to need to made some radical changes, likely starting with you going back to work full time. Job applications all need to be tailored specifically to the role so he can’t just have one cv and send that off. So it is time consuming (and soul destroying) However I think you are making a mistake by assuming he can’t do housework, childcare etc whilst job hunting. People who have demands on their time tend to be much more efficient. It’s easy to fill a full day faffing about if you don’t have other time limited stuff to do. To be fair to him this must be an awful shock and you do seem to be implying it’s his fault.

Applying for jobs isn't a full time job. He can parent while you work until he finds a job, what utter nonsense that he can't. Useless article

The job market is brutal at the moment. I would definitely be looking at whatever belt-tightening measures you can both do to gain yourselves some time - talk to your mortgage provider about a holiday or swapping to interest only (or both) , cancel subscriptions, go down to one car, whatever you can do to reduce expenditure and prepare yourselves for a longer time on one income.

Also see at your own work if you can get a pay rise or put in for promotion or get more hours if applicable.

In my area of work I’ve known multiple people who have taken 18 months + to get a new job and have done things like drive an Uber to bring cash in in the meantime.

He likely needs to pull on his network rather than rely on applying blind.

Bear in mind he might not be telling you everything he’s going, especiallly if he feels you will be critical rather than supportive. However if he’s clearly out boozing all the time rather than applying you’ll need to talk about that!