In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

He could have made the claim the day after he lost his job.

To be eligible you can’t be working more than 16 hours a week. He found out he lost his job a month ago but had a one month notice period so whilst not actively working for the last month he was still employed on a full time contract and being paid.

Oh my days @saminamama you poor thing. Your DH sounds so unmotivated and lazy. I would view my DH completely differently if he got like this. He has had 3 jobs in 37-38 years - current one for 14 years, and was only 'unemployed' for 4-6 weeks in between, each time. He worked very hard to get his jobs, got his CV out within a few days, and even did a couple of short training courses to update his skills in the interim.

I know things may be a bit harder in the mid 2020s than it was in the early 2010s when he got his current job, (and he was in his early-mid 40s then - 14 years younger of course,) but my DC and their partners and friends, get new jobs within 2-4 weeks, when they are looking for or needing a new job (All in their 30s and 40s...) And several people in my road (neighbours who are friends too,) have found work within 3-6 weeks, after losing a particular job. And they are 40-50 years old. Your DH isn't trying hard enough - he really isn't...

He sounds bone idle, with not wanting to do housework and childcare either. You have not long had a baby, and now are having to return to work earlier than you wanted to - to support his lazy ass! Nope! No reason at all why he should be taking this long. I would be telling him 'get a job, or you will be getting a divorce.' I have zero tolerance for bone idle men, who CBA to get a job, and I would never stay married to one.

Sorry if I sound rude, and I really do feel for you. Can't give you any further advice as you have had loads on here, but I do empathise!

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Jesus, have a day off @Sonato

This place and some of these sanctimonious responses

Do you not think that UC we see that they have used their money to pay debt off to then claim UC as he will show them his payslips. They will be able to see how much he has earnt so far this year.

He is trying to get a job and we have no idea how much effort he is putting in and if it’s enough. But it’s a tough job market right now and he is only just unemployed - so far unemployed for less time than any of the people you mention.

doesn’t matter if they do, it’s allowed

So you have not heard of "notional capital’"

If we decide you’ve deliberately reduced your money, savings or investments, your Universal Credit is based on you still having it. This is called ‘notional capital’.
Fraud
You may be prosecuted or need to pay a penalty if you try to affect your Universal Credit award by:

• knowingly reducing your money, savings or investments
• deliberately giving false information about your money, savings or investments

Compensation and welfare support payments Certain compensation and welfare support payments are not taken into account as savings either indefinitely or up to 12 months. We’ll need to know details about compensation and welfare payments you’ve received.

You have not knowingly reduced your money, savings and investments if it has been used to:

• pay off or reduce a debt

www.gov.uk/guidance/universal-credit-money-savings-and-investments

That is allowed under dwp rules. Paying off credit card debt isn't deprivation of capital. You make the claim online and then go to the dwp offices with ID to verify who you are. People are allowed to claim UC if they lose a job. The only thing they would need to find out whether the settlement agreement would be considered as savings or disregarded but at the very least he should be claiming JSA contribution based which he can get for six months if hes paid enough class 1 contributions

Paying off credit card debt is not fraud under dwp rules. The only issue there would be if the loans were unofficial such as to friends and family and someone didn't have a paper trail - certain things are considered deprivation but this isn't

He's taking the piss by not stepping up where childcare and housework are concerned.

Absolutely

Are you on UC and do you have a mortgage?

Tell him to get a job or leave. You won't be able to support a grown man and two children and honestly it sounds like he's taking the piss. I got told I was being made redundant at the end of Feb and I had secured a new role internally by March. There is ZERO reason to wait around. He is pushing his luck to see if he can get away with being a feckless layabout.

I think you’re giving him a really hard time here. A month is barely no time at all when job searching in this market.

I applied for literally hundreds of roles before I got one last year.

I think you’re giving him a really hard time here. A month is barely no time at all when job searching in this market.

I applied for literally hundreds of roles before I got one last year.

Good for you. Not everyone finds a new job right away. I literally applied for hundreds before I got one. I have senior ex colleagues who, a year later, still haven’t found anything

I would hate to be married to you, you sound incredibly unsupportive. You got a job internally so you were not in the same situation at all.

This is everything I wish I had said

Yes I am and no I'm not but I have been in the past. Not sure why you are asking. You've gone out of your way to state that them paying off 9k in credit card debt would be deprivation when it's not.

If they claimed UC they would get money for each child every month (around 600 pounds) and a proportion of childcare back - plus income for themselves. As opposed to sitting and living off savings hoping rise he's going to get something soon.

However the settlement allowance might be counted as capital which means they have too much income anyway - but that's not going to last. She said the money is going to run out in a couple of months

At the very least he should claim JSA contribution based ASAP. It won't be much income but it might pay for some essentials

In this salary bracket the lead time for securing a job is minimum 3 months and the likelihood is that its going to come via work of mouth/networking/good relationships with headhunters. I know that being on the phone probably doesn't seem like job searching but this is the way things are now. My DH took 18 months to find a role and it was worth it to get the right opportunity. He set himself up as a consultant in the interim to tide us over financially and it was very lucrative so perhaps this is something your DH could look into once he's set all the other networking channels in motion. My DH did this after the first 3 months when nothing was materialising - it was during Covid so the job market was equally bad back then. If he wants to stay in the same career I would not recommend getting "any job" as he won't be able to get anything in the same industry that he is overqualified for....so that will leave minimum wage jobs and to be honest, if he goes down this route then he is essentially stepping off the career ladder. That's fine if it's what he wants to do, but you will have to get used to living on a much smaller salary. Your DH is probably depressed and demoralised so try to be supportive - I am sure it will all work out in the end. Good luck!

As opposed to those that add less than zero value like yours?

Also, the deafening irony of being called sanctimonious by a white horse poster

I’m asking because that is what I would have guessed your answer.

They have a credit card on zero percent which they can make the minimum payments on which won’t harm there credit rating unlike not paying the mortgage. They will get no help from UC for paying the mortgage unlike rent, so they can use there savings to pay for it which will keep there credit score in check for a while longer, hoping he gets a job and then if the worse comes they can still claim UC. There is nothing wrong with using savings to protect your credit rating in what is hopefully a temporary situation so you can carry on doing things like remortgaging when the time is right.

Yes of course he should claim new jsa

You DH needs to put in his normal hours working to find employment and then do all the housework during his previous travel time. No more gallivanting, i.e. swimming, computer games/browsing, socials. Finding worthwhile employment is a job. If he cannot find something in his sphere soon then he needs to get some work even at NMW and alongside job hunting. He needs to get his head out of the clouds and contribute to the household now. It is an urgent dire situation and he needs to understand that.