In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

There are plenty of people who have done jobs that they are over qualified for. I have. How do you think people coped during lock down. I know people who worked in warehouses and as delivery drivers to get a wage in because of the wages they were losing elsewhere.

Agree, I phased it badly. Should certainly be pulling weight and ideally doing the lion’s share

He can't opt out of being a parent, but it would be wrong to get him to suddenly take on more because he has no job. His job right now is finding a job. Or at least, it should be.

They should be splitting the chores in the same way that woud feel fair to them as a couple as if he were still working.

They can't afford for him to not throw his all into the job search.

ML is talking about an ideal situation when you have an income coming in. Absolute bonkers recommendation to start advising paying off huge debt that can wait when they have no income at all. Yes obviously in an ideal world he would walk in to another job and they would use the payout to pay the debt off but this just shows a lack of awareness as to what the current job market is like.

She's stated that the 11k settlement will last them two months. He's not got the luxury of waiting for the role he wants

You take an "any job" when you have exhausted all other options after a reasonable length of time. And in their case, if he hits that point, they'll have to look at selling up and moving somewhere cheaper.

Presumably the OP is not ready to accept moving.

As for overqualified - it's an employer's market right now. Employers are not going to pick a candidate they think will quit as soon as something better comes along. It's a very different time to 2020.

She also said he takes home 4K a month and has an 11k settlement. I would expect that to be able to cover 3 months otherwise there was already an issue.

It's not about waiting for his dream job. It's about hitting the minimum salary they need for their lifestyle.

I thought the £10k savings was on top of the £11k final pay?

They have credit card debt as well. If they paid it off they could claim UC in the meantime and as I said earlier he should be entitled to contributions based JSA

As I said previously. She has stated that the 11k will last them two months. They have credit card debt too

Geeez he is taking the piss royally.

Im all for supporting someone when they've lost their job but he isn't supporting you financially, mentally, physically or anything.

Sit him down. Tell him straight enough is enough. You can apply for jobs and look after children/do housework/shopping and still go for a quick swim.

What a joke! Either shape up or ship out! You won't love him for much longer when the resentment builds!

The sensible thing to do in this scenario would be to use savings to pay off the credit card debt and then apply for UC.
They will get money for both kids and help with childcare costs as well.
And he absolutely should be applying for contributions based JSA - he's entitled to that for 6 months

UC will not pay there 2k mortgage however when the money runs out in a couple of months they maybe able to claim UC at that point. Paying the CC is jumping the gun too soon.

Selling up may not be feasible option in this currently flat market re property. Their house may be on the market for months, they may have to reduce to sell. The realistic and better option is to increase household income (and cut back on everything). The boom time for sellers has long past.

Actually OP, in the current climate, the 'chats' are probably more worthwhile than sending you CV off along with 100 other people to apply for the same post.

It's brutal out there at the moment - no matter the sector. I have never been out of work before (I'm late forties) and the only way I can see myself securing something decent at the moment, is via contacts/word of mouth/friends of friends/networking.

I have a strong CV, good experience and plenty to offer but I'm not even getting responses from jobs I know I'm over-qualified for - despite hitting 90% of the 'experience needed' criteria. The 'job market' is swamped with applicants.

I totally understand your worry, but don't discourage the conversations.

I understand that it won't pay mortgage but they won't qualify for UC with 25k savings. They will have to pay credit cards off if they are going to qualify

Well he has still been technically employed and receiving his wage up until now so has been supporting the family financially.

your response is harsh. Yes he needs to take on some childcare and do some pick ups/drop offs but he does need to spend a considerable amount of time job hunting and looking after his mental health.

I don't think the chats are the issue. It's the fact that he's doing zero around the house and with the kids and spending time doing other things when she's got two young kids and she's worried about money running out

Or use the money until it runs out and then claim UC? Why do they need to claim it now when they have a good 5/6mnths ability left to pay the mortgage or come up with a plan.

I'm a huge advocate for the benefits system, I was on tax credits for you years but it should be a last resort. I can see any benefits to what your suggesting at all.

They are his kids as well. It should not be a case of taking on childcare. He should have been doing that anyway. Not just pick up and drop offs. Housework as well. What about her mental health? She's got two young kids and all he's doing is sitting in his office having chats, baking banana bread, swimming.

She works as well. Why is it men get away with opting out of so much with housework and their kids just because they work

As others have said, it's brutal out there ATM, OP. There's no realistic scenario where anyone gets a job and starts work within two months (outside of retail and hospitality).

I disagree with the idea mooted above of using savings to pay off credit card debt and then claim UC. UC won't pay the mortgage - and it can take weeks to come through - so that's not a safe option at all. The best you can do is reduce outgoing as much as possible right now - postpone paying off debt, see if you can get an interest only mortgage payment holiday (I think a lot of mortgage providers allow 6 months) - and your OP might have to get a warehouse/supermarket/delivery job to tide you all over while he's looking. That said, even they are hard to come by now.

Try not to panic though. Things will work out in the long run.

ETA - if you have £25k savings, you're fine. That's a plenty big enough cushion while looking for work.

Can't you? She said in the first post they are going to run out of money in two months. It takes at least five weeks for a UC claim to be processed. If they claimed UC they would get an allowance for each child. A personal allowance and help with childcare

And if they don't want to go down that route just now he should absolutely be applying for contributions based JSA which isn't means tested and he could get this for 6 months. That's the first thing he should have done.

Well he can’t have done it yet as he is only just unemployed so it’s something to do now but not something he should be criticised for not doing yet.

It takes five weeks to come through - and people in work are entitled to claim as well. Plus they would get help with up to 85 per cent of childcare costs and money for their kids. They could still have just short of 16k savings and claim UC. I'm not suggesting that they burn through all of their savings.

Job hunting is soul destroying and depressing. And the panic you are feeling, he is also likely feeling.

It's also REALLY HARD out there at the moment.

It would probably make both of you feel better if he picked up some domestic tasks: e.g. he does 3-6 pm (or whatever) UNLESS he has an interview / scheduled chat. There is something about structuring time that is important. Is he going out and getting daylight and exercise? That's important too.

Then, as others have said, you need to set some time aside to talk, like grownups, about what you do financially assuming he won't land another 80 k role in the next 6 months, and explore what your options are.

Don't layer blame on him: just figure it out together.

Good luck.