To think it’s odd not to check on your children at all?

[Summernightsmummy]

I’m looking after a friends 6 year old and 9 year old kids for 3 nights (from yesterday afternoon) while my friend goes to London with her sister to see some west end shows/musicals for her birthday (my friends birthday). Her children have been with me since 1pm yesterday and my friend hasn’t messaged or called me even once to ask how her children are. I’ve messaged my friend with how her kids are and messaged her when the kids wanted me to tell her that they said night last night and she hasn’t even read the messages but she has been on WhatsApp since. I couldn’t imagine going away for 3 nights and not checking how my child (I have a 5 year old) is like this and checking that my child is ok. AIBU to think it’s odd not to check on your kids at all to see how they are? I think it’s odd behaviour from my friend not to check how her children are and not to check that they are ok.

Agree- strange behavior

I just couldn’t imagine going away for 3 nights and leaving my child with someone and not checking how my child was. But that’s what my friend has done. I think it’s odd behaviour though, I would want to know how my child was and I would want to say night to my child and know that they are ok too.

I always ring for a chat if I'm away overnight. Same with DH. Weird not to even check in.

They're your children now...

Seriously though, yes, very odd.

Same. That’s what I do too, that’s why I think my friends behaviour is really odd.

I think it's a bit rude to not check how you are getting on looking after them too. Any issues etc

It’s been 24 hours, she trusts you - maybe she just wants a break?

Its a bit strange not checking in at all. I couldn't phone my 3rd (now 16) and had ti text whoever he was staying with instead. Once he heard my voice, he'd break down and just want to go home, he was always fine if I didn't phone.

I don’t know - if you’re texting her frequently with updates then maybe she feels confident everything’s OK and you’d tell her if it weren’t?

What’s your concern - that you’re being taken for granted or that she’s a shit mum?

If there's one thing I learned (when my DC were young/school age) and their mates used to come and stay (sometimes all day and overnight,) it's that some people do not give a shit about their children.

My older DC had a friend when they were both 14, and they hadn't seen them for a week. This one Tuesday afternoon in early August, this girl's mum phoned me and asked me if I'd seen 'Shannon.' I said, 'not seen her for about a week sorry.'

Upshot is, her mum hadn't seen her for 3 days and 3 nights! She was 14! Turned out she had been staying at some lad's house since the Saturday afternoon, and had been out drinking with him and his mates - he was 16 and his mates 16 to 19. Just disturbing. His mum told me this a few days after, with a 'wot is she like?' kind of attitude.

I could tell quite a few more stories like this, including parents who would happily let their children walk 1 mile home at 7pm in the dark from our house in the dark, because they couldn't be fucked to fetch them. (After we had looked after them and fed them, sometimes all day!) We ended up driving them back. Fucked me right off, but no way was I sending an 8 year old child out into the dark and into the big sink estate they lived in (the edge of it was half a mile from where we lived at the time...)

I know a woman right now who has 2 kids, a boy aged 5 and girl aged 7, and they are off around the village all the time, to the park 10 minutes walk away, going across main roads, and going into the woodlands, and she doesn't know where they are half the time. And she doesn't care. As long as she doesn't have to bother with them. She has a big 4-car driveway, and she puts her car on the road - and her boyfriend puts his on the road too - so the kids can use it as a play area to pay football and run around on, (when they're not off a mile from home,) so they don't have to get up off their arse to play with them. Neither of them work, so it's not like they don't have the time to play with them, and they're both only around 28-30, and able bodied...

.

Ah no, I don’t check on mine that much. They are safe. I’d know if there was a problem

You sure she’s with her sister and not having a fling ? 🫢

How do you know they're safe if you don't know where they are? And are they 5 and 7?

Do you wait 3 days before looking for them? (As in the case of the 14 year old girl I spoke about?)

.

I used to work 3 days away from home at a time. Every month or so.

we found the kids got more upset if they chatted with me, then realised I couldn’t be home that night, so was better just to catch up when I got home x

But how does she know they are ok if she doesn’t check how they are or read her messages from me?

Careful op.

I had this with a relative once when I offered to babysit her dd for one night, the day befire new years eve.

She rocked up on the 4th of January.

Couldn't contact her by phone, no one knew where she was. I even reported her missing to the police and her daughter was in absolute bits the whole time, though I tried hard to distract/entertain and reassure her.

She'd just gotten 'carried away' apparently.

I found out taht she was a repulsive mother, and tried to have her dd round with mine often after that. The poor girl was traumatised though and ended up on a bad path in the end.

I was responding to the OP. I’m afraid your post of TLDR. Sorry!

Personally I do find this very strange. Not necessarily her not messaging you, (although I 100% would be messaging you, I wouldn’t be in direct contact with the kids as find it can be unsettling for them) but the fact she’s not even opening your messages about her kids. Like I know you can see the preview but still, you could be telling her anything and she’s just.. not reading them?! Weird behaviour.

@Summernightsmummy YANBU! How very strange. I went on a school trip for 5 nights and found time to video call my kids every day plus sent them several photos and messages on their messenger thing.

You have messaged her. She knows they're ok

It's possible her notifications are set so that she can see the first few lines of your messages on her home screen and therefore doesn't need to open to them to see the words 'all fine here' or whatever, so don't take the lack of 'read' ticks to mean she isn't aware that her kids OK.

However, I think it's rude of her not to check in with you and reply to you (at the very least!) and I definitely think most parents would probably message or would phone to say hi to the kids at some point if they were away for three days. I do think it's a bit off to leave your kids with someone for a few nights and not at any point check in with either the kids or the person who's looking after them.

I don’t get it either OP. Time passes so differently when you’re a young child, and your parents are your whole world.

Years ago, DH and I managed to miss our flights back from a mini break, totally our own fault so had to fork out for new ones. My DM was minding the DC and we called to tell her we were thinking about staying another night because it was much cheaper than a same day booking. But when DS (5ish) got on the phone, he sounded so sad we weren’t coming back that night as he’d been told. Instant vivid memory of desperately waiting for my parents to come home after their ‘grown up’ jaunts when I was in primary. So we took the hit just to make sure we got home as promised.

Breaks are lovely, and sometimes needed, but it’s not cool to just log out from them like this. It’s important to remember while it’s only a weekend for us, it can feel like a month to them 😕

she hasn’t been away for three nights though has she? One night. She is obviously enjoying the break and an actual switch off. I don’t think thats so odd. Good for her and how lovely of you to look after the kids.

Yes I have seen/heard quite a few examples too.

I know of one or two who I get it they don’t get breaks, and work part time but not a bad set up in some ways. And child will want to play out in garden for example and they are not really keen, I think they like this time got smoking and chilling out themselves. They will tell them to go back inside, of which they only have a small space to move around in. I think it would mean them having to keep an eye on child etc.
Seem fed up but then why have more on top of what you have.

She still hasn’t contacted me or read any of my messages. It just seems very odd to me