To think it’s odd not to check on your children at all?

[Summernightsmummy]

I’m looking after a friends 6 year old and 9 year old kids for 3 nights (from yesterday afternoon) while my friend goes to London with her sister to see some west end shows/musicals for her birthday (my friends birthday). Her children have been with me since 1pm yesterday and my friend hasn’t messaged or called me even once to ask how her children are. I’ve messaged my friend with how her kids are and messaged her when the kids wanted me to tell her that they said night last night and she hasn’t even read the messages but she has been on WhatsApp since. I couldn’t imagine going away for 3 nights and not checking how my child (I have a 5 year old) is like this and checking that my child is ok. AIBU to think it’s odd not to check on your kids at all to see how they are? I think it’s odd behaviour from my friend not to check how her children are and not to check that they are ok.

I agree that's very odd and rude, I couldn't go a full day and not check in on my children. I'd definitely not look after them again. She sounds a shit mum.

On a maternal level, it’s odd. On a social etiquette level, it is outrageously rude to not so much as give you a cursory response considering you are looking after her children.

Unless she has form for being socially lacking, I would be slightly concerned at the radio silence.

Is she definitely with her sister?

My suspicion would be she's off shagging someone she doesn't want to know that she has children...

I hope your friend's not in hospital or something. Or maybe it's a broken phone? And she doesn't have any other way to know your number?

Or a snatched phone. Lot of it about in London - especially among out-of-towners who don't know to be careful.

She is with a fella

They should check in, yes.

Though I admit I have been made to feel guilty more than once before now when DCs were on sleepovers and it got to about 10pm and I saw messages on my phone from two hours earlier saying things like "Just wondered if you wanted to chat to X before bed?" and then half an hour later "X wanted to let you know they had a nice evening and they love you." 😱

You’re doing this woman a massive favour and it is incredibly rude of her not to acknowledge your messages.

Then her kids … very bizarre behaviour. My kids are teenagers and I still check in with them daily when I’m away!

Either she’s not reading your messages and is totally unconcerned about how her kids are - or worse still, she’s reading them and can’t even be bothered to blow them a night night kiss. Awful.
I hope you won’t be doing this again…

Won't be a popular opinion, but I think it's odd to leave young children with a friend for three days, period. Unless it's an emergency situation/hospital stay etc.

Could she have lost her phone? It’s odd she’s not returned any of your calls or txts xx

Rude as hell and totally unfair on her poor kids. I feel such guilt being away from mine (on the very rare occasion) and I could not imagine a quick call or FaceTime to just say good night. If going into the theatre I’d call before going in.

shes a cheeky fucker and possibly having a fling for a few days.

id give her an earful on her return.

I think it's good for the children to have some time away from their parents, getting involved in the life of another family, becoming a little bit independent, etc, without the parents constantly checking in on them. Maybe that's what these parents feel.

But yes, the parents should respond to your texts.

Because she has entrusted you to take care of her kids and she therefore trusts you to contact her should anything happen. Same as parents not contacting the nursery whilst they have the kids.

I’m here to find out what her excuse was when she returns. OP please keep us updated. How irresponsible!

I left my 10 and 4 year old with my sister at my own home for 2 nights. First time ever since becoming a mum. They are extreme close to me sister and didn’t even miss me, yet I was hounding my sister throughout my time away to get updates. Only went because my sister literally forced me to get a break with my husband alone in 10 years 😂😂.

This is awful! Imagine not remembering where you left your 11-year-old for a week!

That would work, but the not contacting her children after a request from them?

Not on at all.

Sorry but I don’t think hounding your sister for updates is the right approach for many people.

The friend has left her kids with someone she trusts and who has agreed to look after them, that’s not irresponsible.

I hear you but maybe she is totally burnt out and needs a full break. Hard to say without knowing her situation (e.g. where is the kids’ fatherj.

I don't think that's anything to boast about.

Are you sure she's coming back?

If she hasn't even read your messages I'd be getting a bit concerned, tbh. Because I agree it's unusual for a parent to leave their kids with someone and not check in, but even more so for them to not respond to (or even read) texts and calls from the person who has them in her care.

She may just have dumped the responsibility for 3 days along with the kids and is having a bit of a rager or something - but if she was like that I'd expect you to have some clue. So if she seems like a normally decent parent, this would concern me.

It clearly isn't her plan to go off and rely on OP to tell her if there is a problem because she isn't reading OP's messages so OP can't tell her if there is a problem.

The whole "but the adult will contact if there's a problem" aspect of this reasoning is moot since the mother isn't reading OP's messages.

If she’s not answering your calls either are you sure she’s OK?
I don’t think this would be a lost/stolen phone situation as she would find a way to contact you easily, if she wanted to, plus there would be a sense of urgency to let you know, so you and her kids don’t worry.
And surely if she has had an accident her sister would phone you immediately, knowing you have her kids.
I would lean to having a bender or an affair - very concerning. Can you reach the sister?

How do you know she hasn't read the messages via her notifications?

I often read mine in notifications..I don't have to open my messages app..so they sit there, unopened & seemingly, unread.