To think it’s odd not to check on your children at all?

[Summernightsmummy]

I’m looking after a friends 6 year old and 9 year old kids for 3 nights (from yesterday afternoon) while my friend goes to London with her sister to see some west end shows/musicals for her birthday (my friends birthday). Her children have been with me since 1pm yesterday and my friend hasn’t messaged or called me even once to ask how her children are. I’ve messaged my friend with how her kids are and messaged her when the kids wanted me to tell her that they said night last night and she hasn’t even read the messages but she has been on WhatsApp since. I couldn’t imagine going away for 3 nights and not checking how my child (I have a 5 year old) is like this and checking that my child is ok. AIBU to think it’s odd not to check on your kids at all to see how they are? I think it’s odd behaviour from my friend not to check how her children are and not to check that they are ok.

Like a poster above have had phase where travel lot got work and my husband is away a lot. We would rarely contact children while away. It usually less disruptive and there is some out sight out of mind.
However would answer any message a minder sent and answer any phone call.
With your story my concern would be something up as she not answering you.

Do you have her sister's contact number? Or one for another family member who can pass on her sister's details to you. It seems weird to leave her kids with you for 3 days and not give you an emergency contact. I wouldn't have looked after someone else's children without it.

I was away from mine when I was in the hospital and I didn't phone them as they would have cried but I text dh to check on them as soon as I was able.

Perhaps others are right in that she trusts you implicitly and wants to truly switch off and enjoy her time away. However, even if she wasn't going to ring or text off her own back the very least she could do is respond to messages. I wouldn't be in a hurry to volunteer to have them overnight again if I were you.

Yeah that’s odd, especially as you rang her. I’d be panicked if I saw missed calls from person caring for my children. Quite rude of her too, given you’re doing her a favour.

I agree it's odd. I get photos and updates of my dog after 24 hours in the kennels. I also think she should have spoken to her kids on the phone to reassure them or say hello. That to me is even stranger than not talking to you.

Triggered?

Yep very weird and I wouldn’t be doing her a favour again!!

It’s rude not to even read your messages.

This is shocking. You could be ringing because of an accident or anything.

You think it’s acceptable because potentially a single mother, for her to not read messages or take calls?

If she's at the theatre, as the OP said the point of the trip is, of course she can't take calls.

I turn off read notifications. No one can see if I've read messages or not. If I had multiple messages with updates on how my children were, that's fine.

They are 6 and 9. They aren't tiny. Mine were having sleepovers with friends from age 4.

Yes, it's possible this woman is an uncaring feckless parent. It's also possible she's having a few days away and disconnecting is the main point of the break.

I initially thought you were unreasonable as it had only been 24 hours and you'd messaged multiple times, so she knows how they are, she doesn't have anything to check. And messages don't show as read if she'd read then in the notifications, for example. However, if you are doing her the favour of looking after them, it's rude to ignore your messages and calls. I wouldn't check up on my kids for one night away but I always phone the kids for a chat if they stay with grandparents more then one night, and wouldn't ignore messages from the person they are staying with no matter how short the stay.
Although if she's going to shows and on the tube etc she won't always be able to answer.

I've been in a situation similar,I came to the conclusion that some people patent very differently to me.

You don’t “disconnect” from young kids … I’m all for nights out/weekends away without them but you bloody check in with them and/or their carers.

I can understand not speaking to them if it would unsettle them but not messaging you to see how you are doing and whether you need anything is very poor behaviour towards a friend who is doing a massive favour..

People put a lot of store into whether the technology is accurate enough to tell all the time if messages have been read or not. Its not foolproof or infallible.

However I would have thought she should be checking in herself

Not one mention of the dad in all this - is he dead 💀 ?

Or is it only Mums that are required to check in with their kids?

It's been over 24 hours and she still hasn't even sent a quick text to check. Theatre shows dont go on for over 24 hours solid 😆

In 36 hours she would have found at least 30 seconds to respond to a text message. Dont be ridiculous.

Also, this isnt her family looking after her kids its her friend doing her a massive favour - I cannot believe how rude she is being

She can probably read the messages as they pop up on her screen.

Just because OP isn’t getting read notifications doesn’t mean the messages aren’t being read.

I wonder also where we have come to where the word 'judge' is seen badly

Yes people should be judged for doing the wrong thing. Of course.

So now posters are falling overthemselves to call others judgey/judgemental

Those posters are falling over themselves to say they're not judgemental

Its ok to a judge a situation and say 'its not ok'.

Of course the thing we are not thinking about is what if the op was calling/messaging to say something was wrong? If there had been a message then I call id be thinking the worst

Who decides what is right or wrong then we all have a different scale on that and with the dramatic pearl clutching that seems to be on every single thread 'i would never do that' it is hard to tell the shell from the oysters

You still could have answered my question though. How can you know your children are OK if you don't know where they are?

Are you sure she’s ok? That does sound odd.

Wanting to know where your school age children are at all times, and worrying if you don't know where they are is NOT 'dramatic pearl clutching!' 🙄

Give me strength!

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Unless she explicitly asked you to only contact her DH/mum while she was away, it’s extremely rude she’s been unreachable and not reading your messages. And even if she had asked you to only contact someone else in case of emergency etc, I still find it weird she hasn’t wanted to say good night to her kids.

She is definitely with her sister as they are posting photos together from the trip on Facebook.

She still hasn’t read any of my messages or returned any of my calls but she has been active on WhatsApp lots whilst away.

Good for her! Leave her alone, let her switch off. Assuming as you’re there there’s no DP/DH on the scene and she just needs a break.