To think it’s odd not to check on your children at all?

[Summernightsmummy]

I’m looking after a friends 6 year old and 9 year old kids for 3 nights (from yesterday afternoon) while my friend goes to London with her sister to see some west end shows/musicals for her birthday (my friends birthday). Her children have been with me since 1pm yesterday and my friend hasn’t messaged or called me even once to ask how her children are. I’ve messaged my friend with how her kids are and messaged her when the kids wanted me to tell her that they said night last night and she hasn’t even read the messages but she has been on WhatsApp since. I couldn’t imagine going away for 3 nights and not checking how my child (I have a 5 year old) is like this and checking that my child is ok. AIBU to think it’s odd not to check on your kids at all to see how they are? I think it’s odd behaviour from my friend not to check how her children are and not to check that they are ok.

Absolutely not.

Being contacted by the person looking after your children is paramount. And should be done daily at least.

And the mum shouldn't ignore messages from the unpaid baby sitter

I completely disagree. If the children are with a trusted person and they are well and happy, there is absolutely no need for contact. That's what trust is about. No news is good news - that's a form of communication.

I totally disagree, you still check, it’s common courtesy. You also do not ignore messages, that’s absolutely ignorant. Like your time is too precious to respond to someone giving up their time to look after your children.

You clearly have an out of sight out of mind attitude, which when it comes to your children is not acceptable.

But the op has already told the parent how they are. Why would the parent be asking for the same info again

Because it shows interest and maybe to show appreciation and happiness that they’re all good?

How about ignoring the calls? Is that reasonable?

I really hope you give her what for OP. Away from the kids. Poor little mites. I wonder if she’ll even be excited to see them

No as id expect calls for an emergency only.

Mind you when my kids were small and my mum had them there wasn't the constant bloody cobtact. Mobile phones weren't so commonplace. We all managed

Strange as it seems on MN it's generally perfectly acceptable to leave it days to reply to a text

Strange as it seems, that doesn’t include when it’s someone that has your children.

You should respond to messages sent by the person looking after the children - it's rude not to. But where the mother is not the kind to be constantly worrying about and pining for her children, but is a single mum who really needs a mental break as well as a physical break, it makes sense to agree that the carer won't be sending messages unless they're necessary. The mum should then read and respond to the messages, but not necessarily immediately as she may actually be doing something other than looking at her phone. Not everyone is the same, and personally I think that the women on here boasting about how they wouldn't even be able to cope with spending a whole day without their children have an issue - it's not a healthy attitude. I also think that it's good for the children to have a break from their mum, to experience something different and to develop a bit of independence and the ability to take part in a different lifestyle with different people.

That does seem strange. I travel a lot for work and generally operate on the basis of no news is good news but my kids are with my husband and I’m very busy with work! I wouldn’t go 24 hours without checking in and I would always read his messages.

What do you really think happened before mobiles and even landlines? Carrier pigeons every 5 mins?

Well landlines were invented by Alexander Graham Bell in 1876, can’t imagine many single mothers going off for a jolly before that!

I hope the OPs mate didn’t avail herself of any other modern inventions, like updating FB, oh wait she did! She couldn’t have done that years ago.. but I suppose it’s more important to do that, than it is to use that modern invention to contact the carer of her children.

I’m not sure why you think every five minutes contact was needed? I haven’t read that!

We didn't have a landline in the 80s. This was the 1980s not the 1880s Nor did my grandmother.

If I went to stay with granny there was no contact until I was collected.

When my mum looked after my kids we both had landlines but if id gone away somewhere she couldn't contact me

We all survived

The OP has already messaged the mum at least twice saying all ok in a 24 hour period.

Yeah it's a bit rude not to even send a thumbs up but even so the mum obviously trusts the friend

“Yeah it’s a bit rude”, no it’s very rude and not acceptable to not even have the courtesy of responding with as much as a thumbs up

You may treat your friends/care givers with such poor standards, but it’s not normal, IMO.

First time overnight with the OP and they can’t even be bothered to return a call ….. shocking TBH.

She obviously trusts her? Or just can’t be bothered?

Maybe a bit of both.
She knows the kids are ok and is meant to be having a break , not asking after them constantly

Ok clever clogs so how was I actually meant to contact my mum when she took DD1 away?

No idea? You’d need to sort that yourself. Maybe the previous suggestion of a carrier pigeon?

But OPs “mate” could’ve contacted and didn’t bother……. Poor show! But you’re saying it’s “a bit rude”, I think it’s very rude and a poor show.

My view, that especially with all that wonderful technology around to help, it was damn rude!

Or maybe just a little 5 second read of the messages and a heart ❤️ or 👍 may show it’s not that she can’t be bothered?

Remember it’s not only she didn’t make contact, she ignored and left unread the OPs messages, that was her level of trust not caring.

She tried to tell her, but as she didn't read a single message or answer a single call how would she know? Not to mention the calls were because the children wanted to speak to their mum - not that she cared

Honestly, if there is a Cheeky Fucker Hall of Fame on Mumsnet, she should go to the top of the list.

I hope she is suitably apologetic for ignoring your messages and calls but I very much doubt it.

@Summernightsmummy have the children been collected now?

You don't know she hasn't read the message. I have read receipd turned off so no one knows when I read mine

You can also read the pop up and it won't show as read even with read receipts

Well you were saying I was treating caregivers badly and not naturally by not being in constant contact but there wasn't the opportunity. .

So you are basically slagging me off for the technology not being there Hmmm