To think it’s odd not to check on your children at all?

[Summernightsmummy]

I’m looking after a friends 6 year old and 9 year old kids for 3 nights (from yesterday afternoon) while my friend goes to London with her sister to see some west end shows/musicals for her birthday (my friends birthday). Her children have been with me since 1pm yesterday and my friend hasn’t messaged or called me even once to ask how her children are. I’ve messaged my friend with how her kids are and messaged her when the kids wanted me to tell her that they said night last night and she hasn’t even read the messages but she has been on WhatsApp since. I couldn’t imagine going away for 3 nights and not checking how my child (I have a 5 year old) is like this and checking that my child is ok. AIBU to think it’s odd not to check on your kids at all to see how they are? I think it’s odd behaviour from my friend not to check how her children are and not to check that they are ok.

God how upsetting for her kids. The only thing you can do OP is when she gets back make it clear you think it was rude to ignore your messages and calls, and never ever look after her kids again! She’s telling you who she is.

I can understand that with some kids/ families it's less disruptive to them if you don't speak to them direct. But I think it's a common courtesy to speak to the person who is looking after them to make sure everything is fine - even if you trust them and know they'd contact you if there was a problem. I always speak to my parents when they look after mine, even if it's only a day I'll message them at lunch to make sure they're ok (my parents, not the kids!)

My mother used to tell me off for checking on the kids, when they were babies and staying overnight for several days. I was always away for work so only messaging a couple of times a day, not bombarding her. She perceived it as a slight on her grandparenting skills.

Wheres the dad in all this?

I check more on my dog!

I get that she wants a break and to switch off, but what if there was an emergency? I would definitely say something when she got back: that her DC were disappointed that she didn't pick up to say goodnight to them, and that I was troubled by the fact she didn't respond to any messages at all. I'd also add a caveat that I wouldn't feel comfortable having her DC to stay overnight in future because of the lack of contact.

At the very least she should be reading messages . What if there was an emergency? Wow when my 3 were young I would definitely be sending texts and photos of what I was doing, and a thanks for looking after them, hope it’s all going ok, do you need anything, etc etc etc

That’s so bad

Well said.

When DD was that age and someone who was caring for her overnight had rung me, of course I would want to know why. Any caring parent would.

Unless something had happened to said parent then I would judge (and worry).

You posted this literally 24 hours after her being away.
Bit off to post on MN for a slagging off session.
She presumably knows her kids well, maybe she knows they'd just get upset /unsettled by a "night night" call and trusts you?
I always used to call mine when they were little to say goodnight as wanted to hear them, but can understand if she's going to evening shows she might not be able to or something.
Maybe she just really needs the break.
It sounds like you're regularly updating her so she feels like you're keeping in touch and reassured that they're fine.I'd have to text you back if I was her though, just to say something like *aw, glad they're ok" or something.
Hate the age of social media sometimes. Hope she doesn't see this thread.

It’s weird to not even read the messages, what if there was some emergency?

It’s ok to switch off, but not even seeing/opening the sitter’s messages is strange.

Lol 3 nights. You are a mug

We had this. 3 nights with DNs aged 4, 9 and 10. Not one peep from DB and his wife. It turned out they’d also left the kids to pack for themselves so we had to go back to their house for extra stuff. The weather was appalling and it was a really quite difficult weekend.

DH dropped them home ( he’d also collected them at some ungodly hour) and got a vague, ‘thanks’ and a piece of cheese.

We were really unimpressed.

What kind of person can switch off completely from their kids completely especially if the carer has called them? You wouldn't know whether it was just to say goodnight or whether it was an emergency.

I'm not that mercenary and it seems that most mothers aren't.

I suppose if they’re the ones that make their arrangements with their friend, then yes, they are!

She should be checking in with her friend, who she arranged to take care of her children. She should be reading messages and returning calls.

Does the father know or have contact details?

I wouldn't have expected to hear from her on the day she went, because she had seen her dc that afternoon, before leaving. Then presumably travelled and got ready / went straight out for food/ a show.
If I hadn't heard from her at all the following day by the end of the evening, I'd find it odd.
I do think your initial post was a bit premature in saying about going away for 3 nights and not checking on her dc at all. She'd only been gone 1 night at that point.

Seriously?

Jeez some people are unbelievable!

She won’t be getting another break with OP looking after her children, with that attitude!

I find the whole thing odd actually. 3 nights away and leaving the kids with a friend? And when they are at school too so you are having to sort that out.

Well she's made sure that OP won't be doing any favours for her again after this. She's ignored messages and phone calls so if something bad had happened to her kids, she wouldn't know and probably wouldn't care. OP only tried to contact her because her kids wanted to speak to their mum. OP is doing this mum a massive favour having her two kids for three nights but she doesn't seem at all grateful.

Sounds like she doesn't want to spoil her time away with any reminders of her responsibilities. She obviously thinks she deserves it.
I would never offer again, unfair on you, and her poor children. Absolutely disgraceful.

I would be absolutely livid with her.

If the person who is kindly minding your children messages you then you read and reply. If they call then you answer or call back.

Anything is downright rude, and potentially irresponsible when she has no idea why you’re calling.

it would be the last time I minded for her.

She can read your WhatsApps or messages as they pop up on screen. Just because you aren’t getting read notifications doesn’t mean she isn’t reading them.

It would be disgraceful if OP messages her saying her child is sick or hurt or upset and the mum didn’t reply. That has not happened.

If the OP is now resentful of doing this favour then that’s her own fault and not that of the mum. OP needs to consider why they said yes to this level of commitment and responsibility when they are so unhappy about it now. Have you done this sort of ‘favour’ before OP? Why did you agree to it?

If the mum is away there’s going to be nothing they can actually do in the event of an actual emergency anyway. For example I have a job that takes me away and where I am uncontactable - if there’s an emergency DH or the GPs take care of it. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, it means I trust them entirely and I recognise that I cannot do anything positive at that point anyway.

some posters need to google anxious attachment style

She's had a message saying her children want to speak to her. She's ignored it. That's really not ok.