To think it’s odd not to check on your children at all?

[Summernightsmummy]

I’m looking after a friends 6 year old and 9 year old kids for 3 nights (from yesterday afternoon) while my friend goes to London with her sister to see some west end shows/musicals for her birthday (my friends birthday). Her children have been with me since 1pm yesterday and my friend hasn’t messaged or called me even once to ask how her children are. I’ve messaged my friend with how her kids are and messaged her when the kids wanted me to tell her that they said night last night and she hasn’t even read the messages but she has been on WhatsApp since. I couldn’t imagine going away for 3 nights and not checking how my child (I have a 5 year old) is like this and checking that my child is ok. AIBU to think it’s odd not to check on your kids at all to see how they are? I think it’s odd behaviour from my friend not to check how her children are and not to check that they are ok.

Actually..that's not what she has done. At your time of writing, it hasn't been 3 night..it's been 1.

If she'd lost her phone or had it stolen, she could still probably find a way to reach you on another phone (her sister's, for example). And if something had happened to her, surely her sister would be contacting others. Most likely she's just a bit callous and enjoying her time away too much to spare the children a few minutes for a phone call in the evening. (Yes, I'm judging.) I'd find it irresponsible and rude that she hasn't at least responded briefly to your messages to confirm that all is well and to thank you for watching her children. No more big favours for her!

Or something happened to her or someone stole her phone?

Nah, I would be that mum. If I trust the person I’ve left the kids with (which you would otherwise you wouldn’t be leaving them!!) then what’s to check?
I’ve got 5 kids and they’ve spent plenty of time without me and they get by just fine without me checking in on them. OP your kid is 5. you may feel differently when they’re older.

The kids have been asking to speak to their mum who isn't answering calls or reading messages. Unless something has happened to her, she is being rude and ungrateful to OP by ignoring her messages and calls and pretty mean to her children. I'm judging her.

I agree it's a bit odd as you are a friend vs family. However I went away on a 2 week work trip and left DS (5) with my mum and DH and I facetimed my DS once. I didnt check in every day either as I was so busy with work and glad of the break. DS has ASD so video calls don't always go well so I leave them to it.

The not contacting you regularly I don’t find so weird. I used to travel with work 2 weeks in 8 when the kids were small and generally we found they did much better while I was gone if I didn’t talk to them on the phone. If I didn’t they kind of forgot I wasn’t there and were just caught up in what they were doing and if I did they got really upset about missing me.

If her kids are like that I can absolutely understand her not calling and talking to them but to not respond at all to your messages even to do something like a heart/thumbs up to let you know she’s seen one saying all is well I think is unusual.

Honestly if she also isn’t answering the phone I’d be a bit worried about her. Do you know where she is staying & if so could you maybe call and leave a message with your number at the hotel asking her to get in touch just so you know she is ok?

Because she trusts that you’ll call her if there’s a problem? If I trust someone enough to have my children for 3 days then I don’t need to check in, I’ve decided they are with someone who cares for them as much as well as I do.

Don’t be silly. A quick message to check how they are doesn’t affect your break

OP has called her because her children wanted to speak to her. She hasn't answered the phone. OP is doing her a massive favour so she is either really rude to ignore her calls and messages or something has happened that means that she can't call. OP is right to be worried that something is wrong and really pissed off if there isn't.

She’s getting a break, three nights break.

A break doesn’t mean you don’t ensure your dC are ok, nor that your friend is coping ok, you don’t ignore messages!

Honestly, unless they’re with their DF, they are still your responsibility and actually if things aren’t working out, you’ll need to come home …it’s called parent hood !

I cannot believe that a second person (apart from OPs friend) thinks this is ok! It’s not!

The youngest is 6, which could mean they’re a few months older than op’s dc and in the same school year.

Having 5 kids is a you decision, surely? I don’t get how it means the kids would feel differently than if they were an only child. My dd at 6 would have been distraught at not speaking to me.

What is your friend like as a parent usually OP?

Amh updates since writing?

Like someone else said - are you sure she’s with her sister and not a boyfriend/partner? Sounds like she’s consumed/distracted by something! Maybe secretly abroad.

3 nights in London for musicals and shows…… who does that??!

I wonder if her phone has been pinched, which is why it’s active but no messages have been read.

again, though, if it had then it’s normal to send someone else’s details in case of emergency.

I was going to suggest contacting her sister but that might look needy

Why are you surprised? Her birthday choice was to be away from them. The world we live in.

1. It had been one day, not three
2. She's gone to London to see shows at the west end - of course she can't answer her phone at bedtime.
3. She can see the previews of WhatsApp and the OP has sent multiple updates across the one day concerned

Yes, maybe she's off with a fella like some people are saying. But maybe she's on a much needed break - no mention of the kids' father so it's clearly all on her - and she knows her children are well looked after with a friend she trusts.

The children are 6 and 9, not toddlers. Mine had been away on holiday with their grandparents for a week several times at those ages. I love them very much but I also knew they were just fine without me.

@StealthMama - I do, once a year. I cram four shows into three days and it's fantastic. DH is home with the children for those days. It's my annual getaway.

How odd!

You'd go away and think it’s ok to not read messages or have your phone on?

No matter how many kids or what age, that’s off IMO.

It's not judgy at all- what are you talking about? The OP is doing this woman a massive favour for free, her own kids are asking to talk to their mum and say goodnight and she cant even be arsed to read a text message or pick up the phone to her friend who is caring for her kids or say goodnight to them?

She's a shit mum and rude to boot. Its not "judgy" if its factual.

You think it’s acceptable because potentially a single mother, for her to not read messages or take calls?

Sorry, if I was looking after your children, I don’t care who you were with, I expect you to read messages and answer my calls.

No matter if she is a single parent and doesn’t often get a break, she’s unlikely to get another one by OP looking after her children again, justifiably.

She cannot just not bother to have any contact, is not a choice.

Because she trusts that you’ll call her if there’s a problem?

She isnt picking up the phone to the OP who has rung her......she doesnt care

Leaving a child with family is different from a friend, however close… not that I’d go nc on them either.

Some of us care about our kids and can't just switch off. Unlike you.

Given that the mum isn't reading messages or even answering the phone I would be worried. The fact that you don't find this worrying is concerning.