To feel disappointed DS was left out at his nan’s b’day party by his cousin?

[BoldMaker73]

We went to a family gathering today at my brother’s/SIL’s house for my mum’s 80th birthday with mostly older relatives (50+) and a handful of children there too, his cousin, 11, and his neighbours (about 10-13ish). We were outside on the lawn at first then most of us came inside as it got a bit chilly but the children were outside playing games and running around together.

My DS, 19, is an only child and ended up sitting on his own or next to me for most of the afternoon. The children were all playing together outside and didn’t really include him or ask him to join in, and he didn’t want to force himself into their space either, so he just stayed sitting alone. My mum and dad as well as DH and his parents were mixing with the family friends and distant relatives so he couldn’t even speak to his grandparents that much.

I know he’s technically an adult, but he’s a lot closer in age to them than to us in our 50s-80s and I felt a sad for him as when I asked him about it he said he felt rejected and excluded by his cousin considering last summer when it was my brother’s 50th, his cousin and these neighbourhood friends invited him to play with them in the garden and on the green behind their house and he was excluded today.

AIBU for feeling slightly disappointed with my nephew for ignoring DS at this event or is it just one of those things? I remember being that girl picked last in PE every time so I know how it feels to feel rejected.

I honestly would not expect 11 to 13 year olds to include a 19 year old in their games.

He’s 19! He doesn’t want to play with 11year olds. He’s not being left out he’s an adult I doubt he wants to play childish games.

He’s ancient in their eyes. I remember even thinking a 20 year old when I was 17 was much much older. Huge difference between a 19 year old and the 11-13 age group. Likely would not have occurred to them your DS felt excluded. Really the adults should have involved him more in the conversation or you could have brought him in more once you noticed he was a spare wheel? Had that happened what his much younger cousin was or wasn’t doing wouldn’t have bothered him. YABVU to feel disappointed at your nephew.

He’s an adult so he was inside with the adults. Younger kids won’t be thinking they need to include him. He’s just unlucky he was in between.

I think it would be pretty unusual for an 11 and 13 year old to want to play with a 19 year old and vice versa.

@Neolara They played together last year at pretty much this same event but for my brother’s birthday.

@Favouritefruits He said he felt rejected when I asked him. I don’t want it affecting his self esteem.

What they all said ⬆️ He would surely not have expected to play with kids

Do you really expect the 11 year old cousin to take charge in asking your adult 19 year old son to play a game?

Why on earth would a 19yo want to play with tweenagers? and at 19 they are able to go an mix with whoever they want too

You can not be serious 😂

youre placing blame on an 11yo for not including an adult male in garden games?….🤨

He is 19! You are being ridiculous. DS should have joined in with the adults (adults should have included him not the younger cousin/neighbours).

If your DS wanted to play with the kids, he needed to go outside and start a game I’m afraid!

No 11 year old is going to think a 19 year old is feeling left out. They just think we are all adults. You could have included him yourself you know.

Yeah I can see why he felt a bit awkward being the only person of his age at the event but you're being rediculous for thinking an 11 year old child was responsible for including an adult. It would be really odd for the kids to ask him to come and play.

This!! You feel disappointed in an 11yr old child for not asking an adult to come play?? I think I'd be a bit more disappointed in my 19yr old for not trying to interact a bit more with the adults.

Are you serious? My 19yo sits with us and is included in our conversations at family gatherings.

Why would you expect an 11yo to have to come up and "invite" his adult cousin to play? If he wanted to go outside and join in he's (presumably) got two working legs and could have walked himself out there.

I thought for a moment you'd written his age wrong and meant he was 9 ! Good heavens he's an adult why would he want to 'play' . Why would you feel sad for him , I'm sure he'd have been horrified to be included in their games .

Is he generally a bit odd? Because a 19 year old man using the word “rejected” because an 11 year old didn’t invite him to play isn’t normal. That’s very very weird.

At that age, he should be making small talk with adult family members or he could organise a game/entertain the younger ones if they wanted to, but he’d have to initiate that.

It’s just really odd that he has said what he said. I’d be concerned about my sons if they came out with that sort of comment about a bunch of kids. He is an adult man.

You’ve come here to tell us about a man wanting to play with children? 🧐

Creepy.

If a 19 year old’s self-esteem is affected by an 11 and a 13 year old not wanting to play with him at a family party, you have much bigger issues than a few hours of boredom…

This is silly, OP. If he was desperate to play with them, it was up to him to go out and join in a kick around. It’s not up to an 11 and 13 year old to be considering the self-esteem of an adult!

Oh god. This explains it. The fact that you are worrying that an 11 year old not playing with your 19 year old adult male son will “leave him with low self esteem” really gives an insight into your parenting, and maybe explains your sons very odd reaction.

Does your son have learning difficulties ? That is the only thing that would make the OP make sense

He feels rejected because he was rejected. Grown ups can’t play out with primary school children, it’s not appropriate. They can do things like play games where there is some structure. Blaming a child for an adult being alone at a party is strange.
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OP you’re finding fault where there is none. Some 19 year olds are off defending the country. His 11 year old cousin was and is not responsible for including him or not. By indulging and over thinking this nonsense you aren’t teaching your adult son resilience, and are projecting how you felt in PE among same age peers. If you want to feel annoyed with anyone, be annoyed at the adults including his father and grandparents for not making more of an effort. If he really wanted to hang with his cousin, being 8 years older and an adult - the onus was on him to go kick about the ball or dander outside, he should know that or you could easily have gone out with him to break the ice if he has anxiety… if you didn’t notice he felt rejected, that’s on you I’m afraid.

You’re being ridiculous OP
If rejected by 12 year olds I would definitely seek help for his self esteem.